1.

I Wasn't Asleep

　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,

and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我没有睡着

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说："先生，醒醒！"

　　　 "我没有睡着。"那个男人回答。

　　　 "没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？"

　　　 "我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。"

2.

The poor husband

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可怜的丈夫

"你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，"一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，"她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。"

3.

Where is the father?

　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父亲在哪儿？

　　　 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　　 "看，"哥哥说，"这些画多漂亮呀！"

　　　 "是啊，"弟弟说道，"可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？"

　　　 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道："很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。"

4.

Your Coat Is on Fire

The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important.

The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!"

您的大衣着火了

　　老师为了让学生记住先思考后发言，告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，如果是特别重要的事情，要先数到100。 第二天，当老师背靠着火炉讲课时，发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地不停地动。突然，全班学生一起喊道："九十八，九十九，一百。老师，您的大衣着火了！"
关键字:笑话幽默
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