Susan: "Oh, Ian, I just took a week off. I couldn't possibly justify
taking another."
Ian: "Oh, you'll manage. We've already proven ourselves masters of the flimsy rationalization."
Susan: "Well, okay. You gotta promise me we'll actually leave the hotel room."
Ian: "It's Paris, dear. You can pretty much make love anywhere."
Susan: "Mmm."
Susan's cell phone rings.
Susan: "I thought you said you didn't get
reception up here."
Ian: "Well, the occasional signal gets through. Please don't answer."
Susan: "Oh, it's Julie. I have to. Hello? What's up? Hey. Uh, I can't, no, can you say that again? The signal's really bad. What? Oh, my God."
Ian: "Is something wrong?"
Susan: "Mike woke up. Um, Julie, when, when did he...Julie? Julie! Oh, damn it! Oh, my God. Oh! Oh, my God! Um, uh, I, I, I have to go. Um, I gotta get out of here."
Ian: "Yes, of course."
Susan: "Uh, I, I think that you're sitting on my bra."
He hands it to her and she rushes out of the room.
Lynette's House
Tom hangs up the phone.
Lynette: "What'd the coach say?"
Tom: "What do you think he said? Parker's off the team."
Lynette: "That's not fair! It's not his fault!"
Tom: "It doesn't matter, because his mother bribed an eight-year-old pitcher, who also, by the way, was kicked off of his team."
Lynette: "Not Nicky, too!"
Tom: "What were you thinking?"
Lynette: "I was
trying to repair my son's shattered self-esteem."
Tom: "With a fifty?"
Lynette: "Yeah."
Tom: "Honey, everything would've been fine if you had just let Parker quit."
Lynette: "Well, excuse me for not
wanting my son to be a quitter."
Tom: "Yeah, 'cause I guess having two in the family would be a bit much."
Lynette: "Whoa. Where'd that come from?"
Tom: "You say that you support my decision to leave advertising and follow my dream, but it is obvious to me that you
resent it."
Lynette: "That is not true!"
Tom: "Why do you keep dropping all these hints about the job at Burnham Fox then, huh?"
Lynette: "I just figured, since you're
taking your time figuring out what your dream even is, you might wanna make a few bucks in the meantime. I have a dream, too. It includes keeping this house."
Tom: "Oh, like I don't?
Parker comes down the stairs.
Parker: "Are you fighting?"
Lynette: "No! No. It was excitement, because we have just
decided you don't have to play
baseball anymore. Ha! Isn't that great?"
Parker: "But, I can't stop now."
Lynette: "Huh?"
Parker: "Not when I'm finally getting good. You were right, Mom. I just needed a little more practice. So come on, come on! Let's go practice! See you outside."
Tom: "So, what's on the next page of your parenting handbook?"
Ian's Cabin
Susan and Ian carry
luggage to the car.
Susan: "Ian, can you please hurry?"
Ian: "I am hurrying!"
Susan: "We should've been on the road ten minutes ago."
Ian: "It's not like checking out of a hotel. There're doors to secure. I have to turn the gas valve off."
Susan: "Can't you do that stuff later?"
Ian: "When? After the place is overrun by raccoons? Of course, the joke would be on them when it blows up."
Susan: "Mike is awake! He's lying there and he's wondering where I am."
Ian: "Yes, I get it. You're in a hurry. Just please give me a minute."
Susan: "I bet you'd move faster if Jane were awake."
Ian stops and stares at her.
Hospital Mike's Room
Edie is sitting on Mike's bed with him showing him pictures.
Edie: "Ah, here's the picture that you took of me in my bikini at that pool party. You could've warned me I was showing a little nip. Oh, Susan Mayer. Remember her?"
Mike: "Yeah. She's pretty."
Edie: "Yeah, she is, sort of, in this picture. Is there a date on this thing?"
Mike: "The nurses said that she visited me a lot. We were close, huh?"
Edie: "You have just come out of a coma. Can we not talk about Susan till you start to
regain your strength?"
Mike: "Why?"
Edie: "Oh, God. I hate to be the one telling you this."
Mike: "Well, if you don't want to..."
Edie: "That tramp treated you like dirt. She strung you along. She slept with other guys. You broke up with her twice."
Mike: "Well, why did she keep visiting me when I was out of it?"
Edie: "Well, she's a bit of a stalker. I was worried that she was gonna come in here and disconnect one of the tubes or something. But don't worry. She's glommed on to some new guy, and she's up in the mountains at his place with him right now."
Mike: "Wow. She told the nurses that she really loved me."
Edie: "That's the one thing about Susan that you must never forget. She is a liar."
Standing outside of Mike's room is Orson. Dr. Craig walks up to him.
Dr. Craig: "You waiting to see Mike Delfino?"
Orson: "Uh, yes. I'm a, I'm a neighbor. But, uh, he already has a visitor, so I'll come back later."
Dr. Craig: "Well, don't be surprised if he doesn't recognize you. He's suffered
significant memory loss."
Orson: "Really? Oh, that's too bad."
Dr. Craig: "You sure you don't want to go in? Ms. Britt's here all the time. She won't mind."
Orson: "No. I've waited this long. I can wait a bit longer."
Gabrielle's House
Carlos arrives home
holding a
grocery bag and tries to use his key to enter the house, but his key won't work. He looks into the living room where Gabrielle is sitting and shouts to her.
Carlos: "Gaby!"
Gabrielle: "Hey, Carlos. What's up?"
Carlos: "My key won't work."
Gabrielle: "That's probably because I had the locks changed."
Carlos: "Gaby!"
Gabrielle: "Can't be too safe. You never know when someone might move in on you when you're not looking."
Carlos puts down the groceries and picks up a chair. Gabrielle picks up the phone and dials a number.
Gabrielle: "Hello? There's an
intruder breaking into my home. Can you tell them to come armed? I think he's Mexican."
Later, Carlos is handcuffed to a chair in the house while two police officers stand around.
Carlos: "I'm telling you, I'm her husband. I bought her this house. My name is on the deed."
Officer: "Ma'am, if you're married, it's a matter of public record. I can find out very quickly."
Gabrielle: "All right, but we're going through a very messy divorce, and he moved back in on me. And everyone knows the wife keeps the house and the husband gets the crappy apartment. It's the American way."
Carlos: "Call my lawyer. This is all
totally legal and she knows it. She's just
trying to get back at me."
Officer: "I hear that. You wouldn't believe the stuff my wife pulled when we split."
Gabrielle: "Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't take sides! Police officers aren't allowed to take sides. I pay your salary."
She swats the officer's shoulder.
Officer: "Ted, did you see that? This lady just assaulted me."
Gabrielle: "Oh. It was a swat. Ted, does this hurt?"
She swats at the other officer.
Later, Gabrielle is struggling against the two officers who are
trying to shove her into the back of the police car.
Gabrielle: "Get your hands off me! Police brutality!"
They get her inside the car and Carlos waves and goes inside.
Little Leauge Ballpark
Lynette talks with the coach.
Lynette: "This is all my fault. Why punish Parker?"
Coach: "Sorry, Mrs. Scavo. Rules are rules. I can't put him back on the team."
Lynette: "Just one more game. He'll suck, the other kids will taunt him. He'll wanna quit again. See, everybody wins."
Coach: "I wish I could help, but..."
Lynette: "Please? You can't bend the rules just once?"
Coach: "Did you know the team could use some new batting helmets?"
Lynette: "Are you asking for a bribe?"
Coach: "You pretending you're above that?"
Lynette: "I'll get my checkbook."
Vera's House
Bree knocks on the door of a neighbor's house,
holding a basket of baked goods.
Bree: "Hello, Vera. I made you some of those, uh, shortbread biscuits that you like so much."
Vera: "How sweet! Can you stay for some tea? It's been so long. We have some catching up to do."
Bree: "Yes. Yes, we do."
Later, the two of them sit in Vera's living room.
Bree: "I know how
painful this must be for you. It isn't easy for me either,
considering Andrew's role in it."
Vera: "And why have you told me this?"
Bree: "Because I thought you'd want to know."
Vera: "Why?"
Bree: "So you could do something."
Vera: "Do you think I'm an idiot? That I know nothing about the man I've lived with for twenty-seven years? I've always assumed Howard had some
outlet, a friend tucked away somewhere. I didn't know. I didn't care to know. But thank you for painting so vivid, so indelible a picture of my husband's activities."
Bree: "I'm sorry. I just felt that if it were me, I….;
Vera: "You'd want to know."
Bree: "Yes, absolutely."
Vera: "Then I owe you an
apology because I've been sitting on a little secret about your family."
Bree: "Oh?"
Vera: "Actually, it's not much of a secret. My daughter tells me it's common knowledge among the cheerleaders."
Bree: "What is?"
Vera: "The fact that Danielle is sleeping with her history teacher. But where are my manners? I should have brought some biscuits with that."
Little League Ballpark
Tom: "Well, aren't we just the parents of the year? Sitting in the stands, waiting for our son to fail so we can
weasel out of a bribery scandal."
Lynette: "Two bribery scandals. Gotta count the batting helmets."
Umpire: "Strike one!"
Lynette: "You know, for what it's worth, I don't think you're a quitter."
Tom: "Good. And you don't
resent me?"
Lynette: "No."
Umpire: "Ball one!"
Lynette: "Okay, well, maybe a little."
Tom: "Why?"
Lynette: "You get to chase your dream while I get to spend the rest of my life in advertising."
Umpire: "Strike two!"
Lynette: "Maybe I'd like to write a book Or, you know, start my own magazine. And then I think, no, I can't. I have a family to support and I am okay with that..."
Umpire: "Ball two!"
Lynette: "...most of the time."
Tom: "You know what? I'm gonna look into that job at Burnham Fox."
Lynette: "Don't you dare! You are gonna chase your dream, and I am gonna support you ninety-nine percent of the time."
Tom: "It's all I could really ask for."
Parker hits the next ball that's pitched to him.
Lynette: "How the hell did he do that?"
Crowd: "Yeah! Come on, come on!"
Tom: "Crap, they're cheering for him."
Lynette: "Oh, he's never gonna quit now! What are we gonna say to him?"
Crowd: "Go, go, go, go!"
Parker trips as he's running.
Parker: "Ow! Ow!"
Later, Lynette and Tom look at his ankle.
Tom: "I don't know, buddy. Looks like a pretty bad sprain. Probably gonna be out the rest of the season."
Lynette: Damn. Hey, but you know what? That was one heck of a hit."
Parker: "Sure was."
Jail
Carlos comes over to where Gabrielle is sitting in a jail cell.
Carlos: "I posted your bail. We can go. Gaby?;
Gabrielle: "Don't talk to me."
Carlos: "Oh,
lighten up. You were in there for maybe an hour. The whole thing is funny and you know it. Come on, Gaby! We've been going at each other for months now. Can we just stop? You know as well as I do we're gonna end up back together."
Gabrielle: "Wow, you are crazy."
Carlos: "No, what's crazy is throwing away the past three years. I mean, why can't we just say what we really feel for a change? Fine, I'll get the ball rolling. I still love you."
Gabrielle: "That's too bad, because I don't love you."
Carlos: "Yeah, right."
Gabrielle: "I don't. And I haven't for a very long time."
Carlos: "That's a lie. You're just
saying that to hurt me."
Gabrielle: "No, if I wanted to hurt you, I would tell you about last
weekend when I slept with John Rowland."
Carlos pulls the car over to the side of the road and drags Gabrielle out onto the road.
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what are you doing? Carlos! What are you doing?! Carlos! You can't leave me out here in the middle of nowhere! Ah! Carlos!"
Gabrielle gets up and starts toward the car, but when she sees the expression on Carlos' face, she stops. He gets in the car and drives away.
Bree's House
Bree and Danielle come down the stairs arguing. Andrew is reading on the couch in the living room.
Bree: "Danielle! Danielle, he is your history teacher, and he is thirty-five years old!"
Danielle: "Robert says age is just a number."
Bree: "Don't you dare leave this house!"
Danielle: "You can't break us up! I love him and he loves me!"
She leaves. Bree sinks down onto the stairs. Andrew comes over to her and sits down next to her.
Andrew: "Come on, mom."
Bree: "I am so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived."
Andrew: "You're not. There's Grandma."
Bree: "I just, I've tried so hard to set a good example. I've done the best I could to teach you kids right from wrong. Why isn't it
taking?"
Andrew: "It took. I mean, we know the difference between right and wrong. We just chose wrong."
Bree: "Why?"
Andrew: "Sometimes when you push a kid really hard to go one way, the other way starts to look more entertaining."
Bree: "You're awful."
Andrew: "Yeah, I know. I blame shoddy parenting."
Bree: "You know, we never discussed what it was like for you while you were away. I just want you to know, if you ever wanna talk about it, there's nothing you can't tell me."
Andrew: "Um, thanks. Not right now. Okay?"
Outside the Hospital
Ian drives Susan to the hospital and once there, she gets out of the car.
Susan: "I'll pick up my bags later."
Ian: "It's not my fault you weren't there."
Susan: "What?"
Ian: "It's not. I know what you're feeling, but…
Susan: "How could you possibly know what I was feeling? For six months, I have prayed every day for that man to wake up, and you made me give up on him."
Ian: "I did not make you."
Susan: "Okay, not on purpose, but you did. You were sweet and charming and English and that's why when my prayers were answered, I was a hundred miles away, naked in someone else's arms. This should never have happened."
Ian: "You can say what you want about this, say that you feel guilty, say that it was bad timing, but, but don't you say that this should never have happened! Because you're the, you're the best thing that's happened to me in years."
Susan: "Ian, I'm sorry. I know how you feel. It's Mike. It's my Mike."
Ian: "Then, then you should go."
Susan: "Thank you."
She gives him a kiss, then runs into the hospital.
Hospital Mike's Room
Susan runs down the
hallway into Mike's room.
Susan: "Oh, my God. You are awake."
Mike: "Hi, Susan."
Susan: "Oh, God! It's so wonderful to hear your voice again."
Mike: "They say you've been here a lot."
Susan: "Yes! Yes, I have. Almost every day. I can't tell you how much I'm kicking myself for not being here when you woke up."
Mike: "Where were you?"
Susan: "I was in the country. But I'm back now."
Mike: "Okay."
Susan: "Is something wrong? You, you don't seem happy to see me."
Mike: "To be honest, I don't remember you."
Susan: "What?"
Mike: "I remember moving to Fairview and meeting people, but after that, nothing. The doctors say it's the head trauma."
Susan: "Oh. But you're gonna be all right. I'm gonna help you remember."
Mike: "If you don't mind, I'm kind of tired now."
Susan: "Oh. Okay. Right, you, you, um, you sleep. I'll come back tomorrow."
Mike: "I'd rather you didn't. Well, I've got therapy. Maybe next week."
Susan: "Okay."
Mike turns his head away and Susan leaves. She stands outside his doorway, then slowly walks down the
hallway. As she walks away, Edie walks out from another direction and sees Susan walking away. She smiles and goes back into Mike's room.
"We all have our reasons for rewriting history. Sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis..."
Outside Bree's House
Andrew talks with some friends.
Andrew: "Drama camp was awesome. Uh, we're talking zero supervision."
Gabrielle's House
"Sometimes we wanna hurt someone who has hurt us..."
Gabrielle's Lawyer: "So you can tell Carlos that he can have the photo albums. She says that they hold no
sentimental value for her."
Gabrielle sits next to her lawyer, staring off into space.
Outside Lynette's House
"...and then there are times we just wanna spare ourselves
embarrassment..."
Lynette talks with neighbors.
Lynette: "I don't know how these rumors get started. No, Parker only quit the team 'cause he hurt his ankle."
She turns and waves to Parker, who's sitting on the front porch steps.
Vera's House
"Of course, there are some who feel that to rewrite history is just another way to lie..."
Vera: "And poor Howard has to work late again tonight. Of course, he does it all for the family."
Hospital Mike's Room
"...but what is history anyway..."
Mike talks to Edie.
Mike: "You say I dated Susan for a long time. Do you think I was in love with her?"
"...but a set of lies agreed upon?"
Edie: "I don't. I really, really don't."
~ The End ~
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