DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03.21 - INTO THE WOODS

(formatted by Amanda)

WISTERIA LANE - NIGHTTIME

Mary Alice: "It can happen to anyone--an old woman hears suspicious footsteps as she walks down the street...a businessman sees a reflection in his car window...a shop owner feels a blade...

pressed against his back...and in that instant, an ordinary person is transformed into a victim. And a world that seemed so safe is suddenly filled with danger."

SCAVO RESTAURANT

Lynette and Rick are eating dinner together in the empty restaurant.

Lynette: "So this little ear-shaped pasta is called..."

Rick: "Orecchiette. And the cubes of bacon are pancetta."

Lynette: "Thank God for Italian. You can charge way more for 'orecchiette with pancetta' than you'd ever get for 'bacon and little ears.'"

He pours her some wine.

Lynette: "Thank you. This is nice."

Rick: "It doesn't need more garlic?"

Lynette: "No, I mean...everything--the food, the wine...you. I swear, there are times this is all that gets me through my day, knowing at the end of it, I get to steal this little half-hour where I'm not a mom or a wife or a...pizza slave. I'm just a...tired lady with a nice man who cooks for her."

Rick: "Well, it's the highlight of my day, too."

The door opens and two men walk in.

Rick: "Sorry, guys. We're closed."

Man: "Yeah, we know."

The man pulls out a gun and points it at them.

Man: "Put your cell phones on the table."

Lynette: "Oh, crap."

Later, the men push Rick and Lynette into the walk-in freezer in the back of the restaurant.

Man: "Get in there. Don't make any noise."

He closes the door. Lynette runs to the door and tries the doorknob.

Lynette: "Oh... my...God! Oh! Oh, my God! They locked us in here! It's forty-two degrees! We're gonna freeze to death!"

Rick: "Listen, don't panic. I'm sure when you don't come home, Tom will come looking for you."

Lynette: "No, he won't. He takes a pain pill at ten. He's probably already asleep. Jeez. How are we gonna make it through the night in here?"

Mary Alice: "Yes, in the moment it takes to bolt a freezer door, ordinary people can become victims."

Rick takes off his apron and wraps it around Lynette before wrapping his arms around her.

Rick: "That better?"

Mary Alice: "And a world that seemed so safe..."

Lynette: "Yeah. That helps."

Mary Alice: "...is suddenly filled with danger."

OPENING CREDITS

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

As the clock reads 12:07 on the nightstand, Tom is sleeping in bed.

Mary Alice: "At the exact same moment his wife was being locked in a freezer, Tom Scavo was having a nightmare about monsters trying to destroy his home."

As the clock reads 6:32 on the nightstand, Tom wakes up.

Mary Alice: "But it wasn't until he woke up the next morning that his real nightmare began."

Tom looks over to Lynette's side of the bed and notices that nobody slept there last night. He goes downstairs and sees that the couch is empty, too.

SCAVO RESTAURANT

Rick and Lynette are lying on the ground. Rick's arm is around Lynette, pulling her close to his body as they spoon.

Rick: "You awake?"

Lynette: "Yeah."

Rick: "Did you sleep at all?"

Lynette: "A little. Thanks for not letting me freeze last night."

Rick: "Are you kidding me? You're the one that kept me warm. You don't have a fever, do you?"

Lynette: "No. That's just me. Tom's always kicking the covers off the bed. He calls me his little blonde furnace."

Rick: "He's a lucky guy."

They hear the front door slam and Lynette gets up.

Tom: "Lynette?"

Lynette: "Tom! In here!"

Tom unlocks the freezer and Lynette rushes out and hugs him.

Tom: "Thank God."

Lynette: "We were robbed!"

Tom: "I don't care about that. Are you okay?"

Lynette: "Yeah. No, I'm fine."

Tom: "Were you hurt?"

Lynette: "No, no, I'm just cold."

Tom: "I was so worried about you. If you knew the places that my mind has been..."

Lynette: "I'm sorry. I would've called, but they took our cell phones before they locked us in there."

Tom: "Us?"

Rick steps out of the freezer.

Rick: "Hey."

Tom: "Hey."

FAIRVIEW MAIN STREET

Vern and Gabrielle step out of a shop. Gabrielle is holding shopping bags. They start walking towards Gabrielle's car.

Vern: "I can't believe one dress could cost so much."

Gabrielle: "Well, I wanna look fabulous tonight when Victor's elected mayor."

Vern: "Yeah, but isn't it bad luck to buy a dress for the victory party before the election?"

Gabrielle: "Vern, focus. It's never bad luck when I look fabulous."

They reach her car, where a meter man is starting to write her a ticket.

Gabrielle: "Oh! Hi. Don't worry. I'm here now."

Meter Man: "Yeah, but your meter just expired. Might want to put another quarter in."

Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no. I'm just gonna say bye to my friend, then I'm gone."

She turns to Vern.

Vern: "You know, this whole thing is crazy. I go on one gay cruise and come home to find you engaged to some rich politician."

Gabrielle: "Oh, Vern, I can't wait for you to meet him. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man--sensitive and kind..."

Vern: "...and buys you three thousand dollar dresses."

Gabrielle: "...buys me three thousand dollar dresses."

Vern: "And he's totally fine with you being a high-maintenance nightmare?"

Gabrielle: "Oh, my God. That's the best part. He lets me be me. All right, I gotta get going."

Vern: "See you later."

Vern leaves. Gabrielle turns back to her car and sees that the meter man is writing out a ticket.

Gabrielle: "What are you doing? I told you I was leaving. Stop writing!"

Meter Man: "Yeah, but you weren't leaving. You were flapping your gums."

Gabrielle: "Oh, give me a break. I was standing right there. You could've said something."

Meter Man: "I told you to put a quarter in...spoiled bitch."

Gabrielle: "You can't talk to me like that!"

She grabs the ticket that he put under her windshield wiper and looks at it.

Gabrielle: "Forty dollars? You think I'm gonna pay that?"

Meter Man: "No, uh, I'm guessing it'd be the sap that bought you the three thousand dollar dress."

OUTSIDE MIKE'S HOUSE

Carlos walks outside to get the paper. Susan comes up to him.

Susan: "Hey, Carlos! Wait. Hi. Look, there's some crazy rumor going around that Mike moved."

Carlos: "It's true. He went on a little trip, and then he's heading back east."

Susan: "Oh, my God. What--where is he now?"

Carlos looks at her silently.

Susan: "Okay, look, I know that I've put Mike through the wringer, but that's why I have to talk to him--to make it right. He's not answering his cell phone."

Carlos: "He turned it off. He said he wanted to clear his head."

Susan: "Okay, Carlos...tell me where to find him."

Carlos: "I'm sorry, Susan. Look, you know what they say--bros before hos."

Susan gives him a look.

Carlos: "They...say it. I...don't."

Susan: "Come on. Just for my peace of mind, I have to know he's okay."

Carlos: "I don't know..."

Susan: "What am I gonna do go hunt him down? I have a daughter. I have responsibilities."

Carlos: "Okay. He hiked to the hot springs at Pinewood Valley State Forest."

SUSAN'S HOUSE

Susan comes down the stairs with a small, pink backpack and a warm coat. Julie is right behind her.

Susan: "Okay, Julie, I'm out of here. Here's forty bucks on the counter."

Julie: "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Susan: "Yes. If I don't find Mike before he's off that mountain, I may never see him again."

Julie: "Okay, what you're doing is nauseatingly romantic, but how do you know he even wants to see you? I mean, after the whole "I choose Ian" thing?"

Susan: "That's why I have to go. I have to make amends and heal his broken heart."

Julie: "Oh, well, what if his devastation has turned to anger, and he's burning pictures of you in his campfire?"

Susan: "Well, what else can I do? I love him. I have to go."

Julie: "Then go."

Susan leaves and Julie shakes her head and goes back upstairs.

EDIE'S HOUSE

Carlos and Travers are playing video games.

Travers: "Strike three! You're outta there!"

Carlos: "Again? How are you beating me? You got someone in there greasing the ball for you? Huh? Huh?"

He grabs Travers under his arm and starts giving him a noogie. Edie comes into the room.

Edie: "Hey, come on, Travers. You can take him. Go for the soft underbelly!"

She starts lightly punching Carlos in his stomach.

Carlos: "Soft? What are you talking about? I'm all muscle. Travers, feel that bicep."

Carlos flexes his bicep and Travers touches it.

Travers: "Mom's is harder."

Edie: "Oh, well, thank you, sweetheart."

Carlos: "Fine. I can take a hint. I need a little exercise. So how about we go to the batting cages and hit a few?"

Travers: "Cool."

Edie: "Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're supposed to go to the movies. How about batting cages on Saturday?"

Carlos: "Sounds great."

Travers: "Yeah, we'll get to find out who hits the ball harder--you or mom."

Carlos: "You are so going down. Come here."

He grabs for Travers again. The doorbell rings.

Edie: "Hey, who the hell is that?"

She answers the door. Charles McLain, Travers' dad, is standing there.

Charles: "Hello, Edie."

Edie: "Oh. Uh, Travers? It's your dad."

Later, Charles is sitting in a chair with Travers in his lap. Edie and Carlos sit on the couch across from them.

Charles: "Kenya was amazing, and, uh, being a part of Doctors Without Borders was so rewarding. But I can't do it again, not with the time commitment. I'm gonna have to wait till this little guy is in college."

Carlos: "So...when are you taking Travers home?"

Charles: "Uh, not till tomorrow. I'm, uh, speaking at a conference in Hilldale this afternoon." (to Travers) "And if you're hungry, I'm buying you breakfast."

Travers: "That'd be great."

Charles: "All right!"

Travers gets off his dad's lap and Edie stands up.

Edie: "I'll help you get dressed."

They leave the room.

Carlos: "You know, um... if you wanna take a couple days and chill, Edie and I would be more than happy to keep looking after Travers."

Charles: "Oh, thanks, but, uh, we should probably get back home."

Carlos: "Right. The thing is--is...we kind of made plans to take him to the batting cage on Saturday."

Charles: "Oh. Sorry. Uh, well, maybe you can take him the next time he visits."

Carlos: "Yeah, yeah. When do you think that'll be?"

Charles: "I don't know. Um...I'll have to check my schedule."

Carlos: "I don't mean to sound pushy. It's just, uh...you know, the three of us, we've just--we've been having a lot of fun together."

Charles: "Well...look at the bright side--you'll have a lot more time alone with Edie."

Carlos: "Yeah...that is good."

POLICE STATION

Lynette, Tom, and Rick are looking at a surveillance video from the restaurant with a police officer.

Rick: "Here you go, officer. I cued it up to the, uh, clearest shot of the guy."

Tom: "Thank God you made me spring for that surveillance camera. I wanted to spend the money on a pinball machine."

They watch as on the video, the man pulls a gun on Lynette and Rick.

Tom: "Son of a bitch."

Cop: "I think these are the same guys that hit a couple of diners out on Mount Vernon. You mind if I rewind?"

Tom: "No."

Cop: "I wanna see the exact time they came in."

He rewinds to before the men came in and the video shows Lynette and Rick eating dinner together.

Cop: "Oop. Whoops. Huh, overshot it a little."

Lynette: "I was doing receipts, and Rick surprised me with this great idea for the menu. It's called--what are they called?"

Rick: "Uh, orecchiette. It means little--"

Tom: "I know what it means."

Lynette: "And he makes them with pancetta and garlic and olive oil. It's really, really good. It's gonna be our special tonight."

Cop: "So the door was unlocked? You need to be more careful. The two of you are just asking for trouble."

Lynette: "Yeah, I guess we were."

HOTEL ROOM PARTY

Victor, Gabrielle, and a large number of Victor's supporters are waiting for the results of the election.

Jerome: "Quiet! Quiet! They're about to announce!"

Reporter on TV: "...and the race in Valley Ridge is too close to call. However, we're now projecting a winner in Fairview. It's Victor Lang by ten percent..."

Everyone cheers and Gabrielle jumps up into Victor's arms to hug him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Crowd: "Speech! Speech!"

Victor: "Thank you, all. I couldn't have done it without any of you. I would especially like to thank my beautiful fiancée Gabrielle. And I will, as soon as the feeling returns to my lower back."

Jerome: "Sir, mayor's on the phone. Sounds like he wants to concede."

Victor takes the phone and leaves the room. The Jerome's wife comes over.

Wife: "Gabrielle, congratulations."

Gabrielle: "Thank you. Your husband runs a hell of a campaign."

Wife: "We're so excited for Victor. What a day, huh?"

Gabrielle: "Well, it is ending a lot better than it started."

Wife: "Oh? What happened?"

Gabrielle: "Oh, this morning, I got in a fight with a parking cop over a ticket, and the guy was a total jerk."

Wife: "Well, your days of dealing with that crap are over."

Gabrielle: "What do you mean?"

Wife: "Mayor Johnson's wife, Sydney--she's been collecting parking tickets like bubble gum cards for years--just gives them to her husband. They disappear."

Gabrielle: "Keep talking."

Wife: "Honey, you are no longer one of the little people. Forget jury duty, speeding tickets. You rule this town now."

Victor comes back.

Victor: "Well, he conceded. I'm the mayor."

Gabrielle: "You ready to be the mayor's wife?"

Victor: "Am I ever."

MIKE'S HOUSE

Carlos is washing dishes when Edie comes in.

Edie: "Knock, knock."

Carlos: "Hey. Where's Travers?"

Edie: "His dad's helping him pack."

Carlos: "God, I'm gonna miss that little guy. It's been so much fun."

Carlos: "Yeah, it was.

Edie:You're gonna miss him, too, aren't you?"

Edie: "I know what would cheer us up."

Edie: "A weekend getaway, just the two of us. How's that sound?"

Carlos: "Actually, I'm busy this weekend."

Edie: "Really? I thought we had plans to go to the batting cage."

Carlos: "Well, yeah, but that was gonna take a couple of hours, and I'm swamped with work."

Edie: "Since when? You spent every day hanging out with me and Travers."

Carlos: "Exactly. I've been putting off my work so I could be there to help you with him, and now it's time for me to buckle down."

Edie: "So...what does that mean for you and me?"

Carlos: "We're still gonna see each other. I was thinking...uh, for your birthday, that we could go to that new oyster bar."

Edie: "My birthday is two weeks from now."

Carlos: "Yeah. It'll be my treat."

Edie: "Great. Looking forward to it...for the next fourteen days."

She starts to leave.

Carlos: "Hey, uh, don't let Travers leave without saying good-bye to me."

Edie: "Oh, wouldn't dream of it. I know how much he means to you."

PINEWOOD VALLEY STATE FOREST PARK RANGER CABIN

Susan walks up to the counter.

Ranger: "Hi there."

Susan: "Uh, can I get a map to the hot springs? I'm gonna hike up there."

Ranger: "No problem. You got gear?"

Susan: "Yep."

She pats her pink backpack.

Ranger: "That's not gear."

Susan: "Why not?"

Ranger: "It's tiny, ma'am. And pink."

Susan: "Well, it's my daughter's. Uh, the whole junior class has them."

Ranger: "Does the junior class have compasses, too? Trail shoes? Tents?"

Susan: "Why would I need a tent?"

Ranger: "It's a 2-day hike to reach the springs."

Susan: "Two days? Well, can't I just drive part of the way and then hike from there?"

Ranger: "That's not really how nature works, ma'am. There are trails, not roads."

Susan: "Well, maybe I am a little unprepared, but it'll be fine. I work out. I have quads of steel."

Ranger: "I'm sorry. I just can't let you go up there--"

Susan: "Can't? There's no "can't" in love. There's a man on that mountain that I intend to spend the rest of my life with, and nothing is gonna keep me from him-- not fate, not destiny and definitely not you."

Ranger: "To finish my thought, ma'am. I can't let you go up there alone. You'll need a guide."

Susan: "Cool. How do I get one of those?"

Ranger: "Toni, I got a hiker for ya!"

A well-built woman comes out from the back room.

Ranger: "This is Toni, and those are quads of steel."

RESTAURANT

Tom and Rick are having lunch at a fancy restaurant.

Rick: "Thanks for suggesting we do this. I've always wanted to try this place."

Tom: "Well, you've been working for me for over a month, and I figured it was time we got acquainted. So much I don't know about you."

Rick: "Well, I'll be happy to fill in the blanks. What would you like to know?"

Tom: "Well, for starters--are you sleeping with my wife?"

Rick: "What? No, Tom. Of course not."

Tom: "Okay, so you're just hoping to sleep with her."

Rick: "Look, if this is about the video, I swear, I was just trying out a new recipe."

Tom: "Don't give me the recipe line. I am not an idiot. The truth is that Lynette and I have been going through sort of a rough patch."

Rick: "Yeah, she--she told me about that."

Tom: "And then you came along, and wham, it's the perfect storm. You're young, good-looking, sensitive. Way more fun than five screaming kids and a cranky, invalid husband."

Rick: "Tom, seriously, nothing has happened."

Tom: "And nothing is going to, because you are gonna quit."

Rick: "Quit? No. No, no. No, I'm not gonna do that. You want me gone, fire me."

Tom: "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Have Lynette fight for you, while I'm the jealous jerk who can't trust his wife. No. You have to quit."

Rick: "I'm staying as long as Lynette wants me there. And make no mistake. She wants me there."

Tom: "Oh, buddy. You're not thinking this thing through, because Lynette will never leave her family. So the best, and I mean the very best, that you can hope for is to catch her in a weak moment and leave a wound in her marriage that will take years to heal, but it will heal, because I will stand by her and I will love her just as hard as she hates herself for what she did. You still feel like sticking around?"

The waitress comes over.

Waitress: "Can I get you some more bread?"

Rick: "No, I think I've had just about enough."

Rick stands up and leaves.

PINEWOOD VALLEY STATE FOREST

Toni and Susan are hiking. Susan is trailing behind.

Susan: "I mean, the doctor said that Mike might never come out of the coma. And then when he did, he didn't even remember me."

Toni: "Do you need to rest a second? You sound winded."

Susan: "No, no. I'm invigorated. This fresh mountain air is--aah!"

Toni turns around and sees that Susan's hair is caught in the branches of a tree.

Susan: "Little help. So anyway, the whole situation with Mike--it just seemed hopeless and that's when I decided to take a chance with Ian."

Toni: "Ian is the British guy whose heart you crushed?"

Susan: "Yeah. What was I supposed to do, wait forever for Mike?"

Susan is freed from the tree and they begin walking again.

Susan: "No, seriously, I was asking. What would you have done?"

Toni: "I would have waited for him."