DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03.15 - THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO TOGETHER

(transcript by FRM; formatted by Amanda)

Orson falls in slow motion from the roof of the hospital.

Mary Alice: "Orson Hodge had always assumed that the moment before he died, his entire life would flash before his eyes. But as he fell from the roof of the Fairview Memorial Hospital, it wasn't his life he saw. It was one night in particular."

FLASHBACK

Orson enters Monique's house holding flowers.

Orson: "Monique? I've got wonderful news. Bonnes nouvelles! Monique?"

He walks into the kitchen where Gloria is standing over Monique's still body.

Gloria: "There's been an accident."

Orson: "Oh, my God. What have you done?"

Gloria: "It was self-defense. I came to tell her to stay away from you. She attacked me."

Orson checks Monique's pulse.

Orson: "Mother...she's dead."

Gloria: "I know. And I'm sorry, but what's done is done. What are you doing?"

Orson: "I'm calling the police."

Gloria: "No! I'll go to jail."

Orson: "You killed someone!"

Gloria: "I'm your mother! You've got to help me!"

Orson: "But I loved her."

Gloria: "I once lost someone I loved, thanks to you. You owe me."

Mike enters the house.

Mike: "Hello? Ms. Polier? I've got that part for the sink. Hello? Ms. Polier?"

Mike walks into the kitchen and sees Orson with his yellow cleaning gloves on.

Mike: "Ah, I'm sorry."

Orson: "I'm Monique's boyfriend. She's upstairs lying down. She wasn't feeling well."

Mike: "Well, I'll just finish up with the sink and get out of your hair."

Orson: "Look, why don't you let me take care of that? I mean, I'm pretty handy, and it's getting late."

Mike: "I don't mind staying."

Orson: "I've got it under control. Here, let me, uh, let me pay you. That should cover it."

Mike: "Thanks."

Mike starts to leave and Orson picks up Mike's wrench where it was soaking in the sink.

Orson: "Oh, hey...don't forget your wrench."

Mike leaves and Gloria comes out of the pantry where she had been hiding.

Gloria: "You handled that very well, son. Now help me find a tarp." 防水布，油布

Later, Orson and Gloria are outside at an unidentified location. Orson is digging a large hole in the ground while Gloria struggles to pull out Monique's teeth.

Orson: "What are you doing?"

Gloria: "You don't want her identified through dental records, do you? I must say, I never realized your job was so difficult."

Orson: "It's not enough to kill her. You have to desecrate her body, too? Get away from her!"

Orson rushes at Gloria, knocking her away from Monique's body. Gloria falls into the grave-sized hole that Orson had been digging.

"Now look what you've done! I think my damn hip's broken. Help me."

PRESENT DAY

Orson continues falling through the air.

Mary Alice: "Yes...Orson Hodge had always assumed that his life would flash before his eyes the moment before he died. Luckily, for Orson, that moment..."

Orson's fall is broken by a tree and he lands more gently on the ground when he falls from the tree. Two paramedics and a cop, who were standing nearby, rush over to him.

Paramedic #1: "I got a pulse!"

Paramedic #2: "Let's get him inside!"

Mary Alice: "...was not scheduled for today."

OPENING CREDITS

Mary Alice: "The first light of sunrise. The sound of the cat purring. The smell of fresh coffee. Yes, there are many things a housewife likes to wake up to."

GABRIELLE'S HOUSE

Gabrielle wakes up slowly to find Zach, wearing only his boxers, sitting up reading the newspaper in bed next to her.

Mary Alice: "But an unexpected guest in her bed...is not one of them."

Gabrielle: "Zach? You're... in your underwear."

Zach: "Well, I needed to put on something to get the morning paper."

Gabrielle: "You've been here all night?"

Zach: "Sure. I'm not one of those guys who gets up and leaves right after."

Gabrielle: "Right after what?"

Zach: "Do you wanna hear me say it? Fine. You were...amazing."

Gabrielle: "Okay, listen to me very carefully, and this is no time to be vague. What exactly was I amazing at?"

Zach motions to an empty condom wrapper next to the bed.

Gabrielle: "Please tell me that once contained a mint."

Zach: "After a few drinks, you told me how lonely you were, and that I was the kindest man you'd met in a few years, and, uh...then you kissed me And then you took off your..."

Gabrielle: "Okay, okay, stop talking. I'm getting nauseous."

Zach: "This is so great. I have so many awesome plans for us. "Us." Oh, man. It feels so good to say that."

Gabrielle: "Oh, God. Here it comes."

She rushes to the bathroom.

Zach: "Would you like me to hold your hair, honey?"

Gabrielle: "No!"

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

Lynette is lying in bed sleeping. She rolls over to Tom's side of the bed, which is empty. Later, she walks down the stairs to find Tom rushing around the kitchen, pulling freshly-baked bread sticks out of the oven, with already baked breadsticks cooling on every available surface.

Lynette: "Hey, what are you doing?"

Tom: "I'm lying in bed, thinking about the opening tonight, when it hits me...we could run out of breadsticks."

Lynette: "Oh, honey, you have had, what, four hours sleep in the past three days? You need rest. Who cares if we run out of breadsticks?"

Tom: "I do! Tonight's the most important night of my life. Everything's gotta be perfect. Here. Try that."

Lynette: "It's good."

Tom: "No. Too salty."

Lynette: "If they're salty, we'll sell more beer. See? You're a genius."

Tom: "Don't patronize me! Oh, my God. This is gonna be a disaster."

Lynette: "Hey, chill out. You're acting like I did when I was six months pregnant."

Tom: "Uh, excuse me. You were hitting people."

Lynette: "Only two. And the mailman had the good taste never to bring that up again. Come on. Let's go get some sleep."

Tom: "The dough maker and the chairs get delivered at noon."

Lynette: "I know. I'm the one that put in the order. I will handle anything that needs to be done. And you, take these and get some sleep."

She hands him some pills.

Lynette: "Come on. We need you at your best tonight."

Tom: "You're right. I'm sorry. Crazy. Honey glaze. Honey glaze will cut the salt in the breadsticks."

Lynette: "Tom, I do not need to be pregnant to kick your ass. Now go. Go on."

HOSPITAL

Andrew is visiting Bree in the hospital.

Bree: "Andrew, you're here. What happened to me?"

Andrew: "You kinda had an accident. You fell off our ladder."

Bree: "Oh, that's right. Is Orson here?"

Andrew: "Yeah, he's at the hospital but, he's not exactly visiting."

Later...

Bree: "Suicide? No. Orson would never try to kill himself. The police are wrong. It must have been an accident."

Andrew: "But they found his footprints on the trunk of his car. The only reason he'd be up there is to jump."

Bree: "But why?"

Andrew: "Maybe he was feeling guilty."

Bree: "For what?"

Andrew: "Mom, I looked at that ladder. Someone sawed through the rung."

Bree: "And you think..."

Andrew: "I heard you two in your room the other day. You told him to turn himself in or else...the next day, you fall and nearly die. You think that's a coincidence?"

Bree: "And you say he's just down the hall?"

Andrew: "Yeah, but don't worry. I told them not to let him near you, and we're gonna get you home as soon as we can."

In the hallway, Ian and Susan are near the nurse's station. Ian is speaking to a nurse at the nurse's station.

Nurse: "Can I help you?"

Ian: "I'm here to pick up my wife's belongings. Jane Hainsworth?"

Nurse: "Oh, yes. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be right back."

She leaves.

Susan: "You doing okay?"

Ian: "Not really, but having you here helps."

Andrew comes around the corner and sees Ian and Susan.

Andrew: "Oh, hey, Mrs. Mayer."

Susan: "Andrew, what are you doing at the hospital?"

Andrew: "You haven't heard?"

Later, Susan goes into Bree's room.

Susan: "Hey."

Bree: "Susan."

Susan: "I just heard from Andrew what happened. I had to come see you. If you want me to go, uh..."

Bree: "No, no. Come in."

Susan: "I know we've been fighting. Something like this happens, it just puts everything into perspective. I am so sorry. It was all my fault. If I hadn't got so caught up in protecting Mike..."

Bree: "Susan, stop. Mike is innocent. He had nothing to do with Monique Polier's murder."

Susan: "Do you know something?"

Bree: "Yes, and I intend to go to the police."

Susan: "Oh, my God. Does this have something to do with Orson's accident?"

Bree: "I can't tell you right now. You're just gonna have to trust me. Can you do that?"

Susan: "Of course. I should let you rest."

Bree: "So we're back to being friends?"

Susan: "We never really stopped."

At the nurse's station, Ian is going through the box of items that the nurse gave him.

Ian: "Um, excuse me. These things don't belong to Jane."

Nurse: "Are you sure?"

He holds up a whittling knife.

Ian: "Oh, every couple has their secrets, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't a closet whittler."

He looks at the name written on the box.

Ian: "Mike Delfino."

Nurse: "Oh, these are Mike's things?"

Ian: "Yep. Someone made a big mistake."

The nurse turns to shout over her shoulder at someone.

Nurse: "Helen, you screwed up the labels again!"

Ian pulls out an ring box.

Ian: "He had an engagement ring with him."

Nurse: "Ooh, that's pretty."

Ian: "You know, Mike and I are good friends. I could return these things to him, if you like."

Nurse: "Sorry. He'll have to pick 'em up himself. It's hospital policy."

She turns to yell over her shoulder again.

Nurse: "It's also hospital policy to put the right labels on the right boxes!"

Susan comes rushing up to Ian. He quickly hides the ring box he was holding.

Susan: "Ian! Ian, you're not gonna believe this. Bree just told me she can prove Mike's innocent."

Ian: "What?"

Susan: "It's true. He's gonna be a free man. Isn't that great?"

She hugs him and he drops the ring box on the ground.

Ian: "Yes, it's bloody fantastic."

She bends down and picks up the ring box and hands it to him, not even looking to see what it is.

Susan: "Here. I'm gonna go get Bree some flowers. I'll be right back."

MIKE'S HOUSE

Carlos is on the phone while he and Mike are in the kitchen.

Carlos: "No, no, that's great news. Thank you, doctor."

Carlos hangs up the phone.

Mike: "So Orson's gonna pull through?"

Carlos: "You'd rather he didn't?"

Mike: "No. I just don't know what he's gonna tell the police when he wakes up."

Carlos: "It wasn't your fault. Orson, falling off that roof was an accident, right?"

Mike: "Well, sort of."

Carlos: "Sort of?"

Mike: "Depending on what Orson tells them, I could get charged with attempted murder."

Out of sight from the two men, Susan stands on Mike's porch, having heard everything.

SCAVO RESTAURANT

Lynette is on the phone with Andrew.

Lynette: "Well, I'm so glad she has you to take care of her, and of course your mom comes first, Andrew. And I wouldn't even ask except, you know, we're opening tonight..."

An employee walks by.

Employee: "Chairs are here."

Lynette: "Oh, God. Seriously? Fantastic. Thank you. It's just two quick hours, and then we'll get you right back home with your mom. Thank you, Andrew. Okay. Bye-bye."

She walks up to Austin.

Lynette: "Did you finish folding the takeout menus?"

Austin: "You never asked me to do that."

Lynette: "I shouldn't have to tell you every little thing, you know. Show some initiative."

Lynette goes up to the chair delivery man. He's stacking high chairs against a wall.

Lynette: "Wait. Where are my chairs? I didn't order these."

Delivery Man: "You're Lynette Scavo?"

Lynette: "Yes."

Delivery Man: "Well, then you ordered these."

Lynette: "No. Why would I order fifty high chairs for the opening of a pizzeria?"

Delivery Man: "I don't know. I thought it was one of those kiddie pizza places with the games and the animatronic rats."

Lynette: "Give me that."

She grabs the clipboard from him.

Delivery Man: "Easy there, Sally."

Lynette: "Animatronic rats. Where do they find you people? Okay, okay, here it is. See? I ordered fifty of item number seven three..."

Delivery Man: "Did we find the mistake?"

Lynette: "I switched the seven and the one."

Delivery Man: "So...we're both wrong."

Lynette: "Now this place opens in five hours. How long will it take to fix this?"

Later, Lynette is on the phone.

Lynette: "Hi. I need to rent fifty chairs by tonight at five o'clock. What? Why not? What do you mean, it's bar mitzvah season? There's no such thing. You still have five. I will take those. Scavo."

She hangs up.

Lynette: "Okay, that brings us to 22. Javi, Rico, we got chairs to find. Move it."

Two employees rush off to follow her.

GABRIELLE'S HOUSE

Carlos knocks on Gabrielle's door. She answers it, looking hung over.

Carlos: "Looks like someone crawled into a bottle of Merlot last night."

Gabrielle: "I sort of threw myself a little birthday party. So if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my dry heaving."

Carlos: "Quick question. Was that Zach Young I saw leaving your house at eight o'clock this morning?"

Gabrielle: "Uh, oh, yeah. Um...He just came by to, uh...drop off a birthday card. Really cute little cat with balloons. All right, bye."

Carlos: "Follow-up. Why was Zach in your driveway at seven o'clock this morning...in his underwear?"

Gabrielle: "We had sex last night!"

Carlos: "What?!"

Gabrielle: "I mean, I think we did. That's what he told me."

Carlos: "Weren't you there?"

Gabrielle: "No, I don't remember anything! I just woke up, and he was in bed next to me."

Zach pushes past Gaby to leave the house.

Zach: "Thanks again, Gaby. Hey, Carlos."

Zach leaves.

Carlos: "If you don't remember, then how can you be sure that you and Zach had sex?"

Gabrielle: "Well, we were both half-naked, and there was a condom wrapper. And he said I was amazing, which totally sounds like me. He thinks we're a couple now. You have to help me."

Carlos: "I am not getting involved. God, I can't believe you bagged another neighborhood kid."

Gabrielle: "Where are you going?"

Carlos: "To warn the Scavo boys."

HOSPITAL

A hospital psychiatrist is questioning Orson while he lies in his hospital bed.

Orson: "I wanna speak to my wife."

Psychiatrist: "She's resting. If we can get back to these questions..."

Orson: "I fell off a roof. I need a physician, not a psychiatrist."

Psychiatrist: "Well, I'm afraid it's hospital policy when there's a suspected suicide attempt."

Orson: "I didn't try to kill myself."

Psychiatrist: "But you do have a certain...history? You spent most of nineteen seventy-six in a psychiatric hospital."

Orson: "I don't care to discuss that."

Psychiatrist: "You won't be leaving here until we do."

Orson: "My parents were very religious. When I was sixteen, my father had an affair, caused quite a scandal at our church. He became depressed. He started drinking heavily. My mother grew concerned. She didn't like leaving him alone. One night, she had to visit a sick friend, and she asked me to keep an eye on him. But I had made plans with friends. I thought I could duck out for a while. When I got home, I found him in the bathroom."

Psychiatrist: "You blamed yourself?"

Orson: "I didn't need to. Mother blamed me enough for both of us."

Psychiatrist: "That must have caused quite a strain in your relationship."

Orson: "Yes. But now and then, she suggests little ways I might make it up to her."

BREE'S HOUSE

Gloria calls the hospital.

Gloria: "Yes, I'm calling to check on the status of a patient. Last name Hodge. What do you mean, which Hodge?"

Off the phone, Gloria goes up to the attic where Alma is locked in.