Caleb: "Me?"



Bree: "Yes. Your mother told me all about you and I thought it might be nice if, um, we had a little visit. I brought you some homemadecobbler."



Caleb smiles.



Advertising Agency



Lynette, at her desk, hears cheering and clapping. She gets up to see what is going on.



Tom: "Oh, la, la, la, la, la. Right here. Follow the doughnut, people."



Tom is holding a doughnut with a crowd of people following him.



Tom: "Here we go. We got some people. Come on, come on. Hey, hey!"



Lynette (to Pat): "What's going on?"



Pat: "Well, um, Ed bet Tom that he wouldn't eat doughnut out of the toilet. Isn't it disgusting?"



Bathroom Stall



Tom is standing over the toilet with the crowd and Ed watching.



Ed: "Ah, ah. It's gotta be fully dunked. Now, I don't want the glaze to repel the water."



Tom: "Whoa, slight delay, people. I'm requesting a scrub down. Does anybody know where they keep the toilet brush?"



Lynette grabs Tom and pulls him out.



Lynette: "Just for one second, okay? Just for one second. Hey, I never thought I'd have to ask you this, but are you about to eat a doughnut out of the toilet?"



Tom: "Yeah! For the Galveston Jewelers account."



Lynette: "I don't care! You're not gonna do this!"



Tom: "Look, Lynette, you're the one who told me to find a way to click with Ed. Well, now we've got our thing, and it's paying off for me!"



Lynette: "That's because Ed gets off on humiliating you. Please, don't do this!"



Ed sticks his head out of the bathroom.



Ed: "We're waiting, Scavo!"



Crowd: "Tom, Tom, Tom!"



Ed: "Okay, okay, what now?"



Tom: "This is my moment."



Tom goes back into the bathroom to cheering and clapping.



Betty's Kitchen



Bree is looking at a old photo album as Caleb eats the cobbler.



Bree: "So, Caleb, besides your mother and brother, does anybody else know that you're here?"



Caleb: "No. You're pretty."



Bree: "Thank you. That's very sweet. So, where have you been living this whole time? Upstairs?"



Caleb: "No. I just moved upstairs. My room's downstairs."



Bree: "Downstairs?"



Caleb: "In the basement. You wanna see it?"



Betty's Basement



Caleb opens the door to what used to be his room. Bree goes inside.



Bree: "Caleb, have you been down here all these months?"



Caleb: "Yeah."



She points at the shackles on the bed.



Bree: "Did your mother make you wear those?"



Caleb: "Most of the time."



Bree: "Oh, my god! Sweetheart, I don't understand. Why in the world would your mother treat you that way?"



Caleb: "I hurt a girl."



Bree: "A girl?"



Caleb: "Yeah. And then she died."



Bree: "Oh."



Caleb: "Her name was Melanie. She was pretty. Just like you."



Mike's Driveway - Daytime



Susan walks up as Mike is working on his truck.



Susan: "Hi. I thought you should know I'm getting married."



Mike: "To the doctor?"



Susan: "No! No. No, to, to a gay guy. How did you know about the doctor?"



Mike: "People talk. So you, you're marrying a gay guy?"



Susan: "I need health insurance, um, 'cause I've got this wandering spleen and that sounds funny, "spleen wandering," but, actually, it's not funny 'cause it can bang into things so I need health insurance, so I'm getting married tomorrow. And you probably think I'm crazy, right?"



Mike: "Well, can it wait? Um, the surgery?"



Susan: "No. It can't wait."



Mike: "I guess it's really not that crazy."



A car door slams. Mike turns and see Detective Sullivan approaching.



Detective Sullivan: "How you doing, ma'am?"



Mike: "Susan, can you just give me a minute?"



Susan: "Oh, yeah. No, I'm sorry. That was really it."



Susan walks away.



Mike: "What do you want?"



Detective Sullivan: "It's not what I want, Delfino. It's what Noah Taylor wants. Where's his grandkid? Let's skip the part where you don't know anything about anything. Mr. Taylor wants to chat."



Mike: "What if I say no?"



Detective Sullivan: "Then I've gotta find the kid myself, and my guess is, he or she is somewhere around here close. Your old girlfriend... she's got a daughter, right? Maybe I should start by paying her a visit."



Mike: "Her daughter's not the one."



Detective Sullivan: "Yeah, well, given your track record, I might wanna check that out for myself."



Mike: "Tell him I'll be there in the morning."



Gabrielle's Bedroom



Xiao Mei is combing Gabrielle's hair. She sees Gabrielle's open jewelry case.



Xiao Mei: "Oh! So pretty."



Gabrielle: "You like nice things? That's why I think you're stupid, for not wanting to stay here. You could be around my nice things all the time, taking care of them...how fun would that be? Well, I'm sure it's a lot more fun than you'd have in that tiny, godforsaken village of yours. You know, we're probably more alike than people would guess. I'm from a small town, too. My folks had nothing. That's why I love America. Anything is possible."



Xiao Mei looks at a bracelet.



Xiao Mei: "Oh..."



Gabrielle: "Hmm, you like that? An old, fat stockbroker gave this to me. It's not worth anything. You can have it."



Gabrielle puts it on Xiao Mei's wrist.



Xiao Mei: "Oh! Oh!"



She begins speaking Chinese and hugs Gabrielle.



Gabrielle: "It's okay. Glad you like it. You can brush my hair."



Xiao Mei: "Oh!"



Outside The Wedding Chapel - Daytime



Gary is standing, waiting. A couple come out the door.



Woman: "I loved it!"



Man: "It was nice."



Susan pulls up.



Susan: "Hi."



Gary: "Hi. Hi. Uh, this is the best I could do on such short notice."



Susan: "Okay."



They enter. A man is standing inside, holding a wedding cake.



Gary: "Oh, uh, Susan, this is, uh, my best man, Steven. He's also my life partner."



Susan: "Oh, hi. It's nice to meet you."



Steven stares at Susan.



Gary: "Baby, be, be nice. Come on."



Steven: "I'm sorry you have cancer."



Susan: "Cancer?"



Steven: "Isn't that the point of this whole charade? Gary said you needed insurance."



Susan: "Oh, yes. No, no, I do need insurance. I just don't have cancer. I have a wandering spleen."



Gary: "I said it was like cancer."



Susan: "Is there a problem?"



Gary: "No. No, everything's fine. Uh, let's just go to the chapel. Shall we?"



Steven: "I made a wedding cake. I hope you enjoy it."



He shoves it into Susan's hands.



Susan: "Oh! Uh..."



Wedding Chapel



Susan and Gary are standing at the altar. Steven is sitting on the bench behind them.



Minister: "So, are we ready to get started?"



Gary: "Oh, do you have a thing to play music? I had Steven burn a little wedding mix for us for ambience."



Minister: "Sure, just, um, give me a sec."



Gary (to Steven): "Do you have a problem?"



Steven: "You said she was sick."



Gary: "She is. She has a wandering spleen."



Steven: "It sounds nothing like cancer. It doesn't even sound real."



Susan: "Well, it is. I could die."



Steven: "You look fine to me, honey."



Gary: "Don't do this."



Steven: "I have asked you six times to fly with me to Holland to get married and you always have some lame excuse. But the second some chick with a silly disease comes along, you drop everything and head for a chapel."



Susan: "Oh, no, it's a serious illness. See, it just sounds silly 'cause of the word spleen."



Gary: "What do you want from me?"



Steven: "I want you to worry about my feelings half as much as you worry about your mother's!"



Gary: "What is it gonna take to make you happy? Not go through with the wedding? Is that what you're asking?"



Susan: "Oh, oh! No, no, stop right there. Okay, I would love to see you two crazy kids get hitched in Holland more than anyone, with the tulips and the clogs in front of a windmill, the whole shebang. But unless I get this surgery, my spleen is going to slam straight into my heart and explode. So, you know, seeing as I am just a nice person and I always support gay rights, let's just do this. And then I'll have a husband and insurance. Nobody gets hurt."



Steven turns and walks out of the chapel.



Gary: "Steven, why, Steven! It's just..."



Susan: "Yeah."



Gary: "I'm so sorry. My hands are tied. I'm really sorry."



Gary chases after Steven.



Gary: "Steven, wait. Steven, where are you going?"



Minister: "Oh, finally got the sound system working. Where's the groom?"



Outside Susan's House



Susan is sitting on the porch, eating the wedding cake that Steven made. Karl approaches.



Karl: "Hey, Susie Q. What's wrong? For a newlywed, you don't have much spring in your step."



Susan: "I didn't get married."



Karl: "Really?"



Susan: "We got to the altar, but the whole fake wedding thing sort of imploded."



Karl: "Wow. I'm sorry."



Susan: "I still don't have insurance. I need to get that operation. I'm, I'm really screwed."



Karl: "Well, why don't I just marry you?"



Susan: "What?"



Karl: "I've got a fantastic health plan. You'd be covered instantly."



Susan: "But we were actually married."



Karl: "Look, Susie, I've always felt awful about walking out on you the way I did. And I figure, if we do this, I'd basically be saving your life. I figure I owe you one."



Susan: "Karl..."



He gets on one knee.



Karl: "So, what do you say? Will you marry me, Susan Mayer? Again?"



Susan: "What the hell?"



Karl: "Cool!"



Susan: "What are we gonna do about Edie?"



Karl: "We can't tell her."



Susan: "She'd kill us both."



Karl: "It'll be our little secret."



Gabrielle's House



Xiao Mei is packed and ready to leave. Father Crowley and the translator are waiting at the door for her.



Carlos: "We've really enjoyed having you as a guest. Right, Gaby?"



Gabrielle: "Absolutely. Xiao Mei, you are a very special girl, so, so you take care, okay?"



Xiao Mei hugs Gabrielle.



Gabrielle: "Oh!"



Xiao Mei touches the bracelet Gabrielle gave her and looks at her affectionately.



Father Crowley: "Thanks for all your help, Carlos."



Carlos: "My pleasure, Father. Bye bye."



Father Crowley: "Ladies?"



They leave and Carlos closes the door.



Carlos: "Please don't tell me you're crying just because you can't have the maid you want."



Gabrielle: "Carlos, she wouldn't have been just a maid. She would have been the best damn maid ever."



Carlos: "God, you're pathetic."



Gabrielle: "Shut up."



Carlos looks outside.



Carlos: "Hey, something's going on."



Xiao Mei and the translator are arguing. Xiao Mei is tugging her suitcase away from the translator.



Translator: "Father Crowley, Xiao Mei, Xiao Mei!"



She begins speaking Chinese.



Carlos and Gabrielle go outside.



Carlos: "Is there a problem?"



Father Crowley: "Well, Xiao Mel doesn't want to go back to China. She wants to stay here and work for you."



Carlos: "What? Why?"



Xiao Mei says something in Chinese.



Translator: "She says Mrs. Solis treated her with more kindness than she's ever known. She now thinks of you two as family."



Gabrielle: "Oh, really? Oh, of course you can stay! Oh!"



Carlos: "Gaby..."



Gabrielle: "Carlos, she thinks of us as family."



Gabrielle leads Xiao Mei back into the house.



Advertising Agency



Tom and Lynette are working on campaigns. Ed sticks his head in.



Ed: "I'm ready to hear those farm fresh concepts. Conference room in five Toilet Boy!"



Lynette: "You are so not allowed to complain to me."



Tom: "I know. You were right, okay? So now I'm known throughout the advertising world as Toilet Boy."



Lynette: "Tell him you're done with the games. You don't wanna play anymore."



Tom" "No, no, no, I can't. I can't. If I back down now, he'll see it as a sign of weakness. Look, this is the way that guys do business."



Lynette: "But!"



Tom: "So, you called it. He made me his bitch."



Ed's Office



Lynette walks in.



Lynette: "Here you go."



Ed: "Oh."



Lynette "You know, Ed, I've been thinking. We've had a lot of fun and games around here lately, but maybe it's time to set a slightly more professional tone in the office."



Ed: "Oh, I get it. Somebody went running to mommy, didn't he, huh?"



Lynette: "What?"



Ed: "Tom loses a few bets, so he tries to get his wife to make me back off? Oh, this is so Alpha Tai. I am gonna make him pay."



Lynette: "No. No, you're not gonna make him pay. You are gonna stop this now."



Ed: "This is my company. If people wanna work here, they play by my rules."



Lynette: "Ed!"



Ed: "What?"



Lynette: "I'm calling you out."



Ed: "Huh?"



Lynette: "Yes, you're right. This is your company, so I'll play by your rules. What do I have to do to get you to stop this frat boy crap? Shave my eyebrows? Come to work naked? Name your stakes."



Ed: "I don't have time for this."



Lynette: "Aw, what's wrong, Ed? You afraid a Phi Kap's gonna get beaten by a girl? Come on, big man, it's just a little bet."



Advertising Agency



Everyone is gathered around. Ed sets up a small table in the center of the room.



Ed: "As you know, I think that making the workplace fun is good for morale. But Lynette here thinks that our shenanigans have gotten a little out of hand."



Crowd: "Oh. Boo"



Ed: "Oh, hold on. Hold on. I respect Lynette's work ethic. So we've decided to settle the matter with a little test of intestinal fortitude. If she can eat one pound of our client's fine, farm-fresh pork product, raw, there'll be a moratorium on wagering in the office."



Ed place a plate of raw bacon on the table in front of Lynette.



Tom: "I know you are doing this for me. You don't need to do this. I don't need you fighting my fights."



Lynette: "I am not fighting your fights. This is my fight. This is how guys do business, right?"



Worker #1: "Oh, I gotta see this."



Lynette rolls up one piece of raw bacon and lifts it toward her mouth.



Worker #2: "This is so disgusting."



Worker #3: "We're counting on you."



Ed: "While we're young."



Lynette puts the raw bacon into her mouth and chews. The crowd winces.



Ed: "No shame in defeat, Lynette. No shame at all."



Lynette swallows and the crowd applauds. She rolls up her second piece and raises it to her mouth.



Worker #3: "Oh, she's gonna do it. Oh! Oh, yes! Oh!"



Piece after piece goes into Lynette's mouth. As she continues, Lynette almost gags as she forces the meat into her mouth.



Coworker: "Oh, this is too much."



Ed: "What? She took the bet. What? This is fun, people."



Worker #3: "She's got one more."



Lynette rolls up the last piece of bacon. She looks ready to vomit. She puts it into the mouth and chews and swallows. She opens her mouth and Ed looks inside for traces of any meat.



Lynette: "So, can this be a place of business again, Ed? No more games?"



Ed: "Sure. You sucked all the fun out of it anyway."



Worker #1: "Lynette..."



Worker #3: "I gotta go back to work."



Tom: "That was really something."



Lynette: "Thanks. Could you scrounge me up a bucket?"



Bree's House



Betty knocks at the door.



Betty: "Caleb said a nice, red-haired lady came to visit him."



Bree: "Come on in, Betty. Get you a drink?"



Betty: "This is not a social call, Bree! Did you or did you not break into my home and talk to my son?"



Bree: "Caleb and I had, uh, a very lovely chat. Yes."



Betty: "If you ever come near him again, there will be hell to pay. Do you understand?"



Bree: "Aren't you gonna ask me what we talked about? The name, um, Melanie Foster came up. I'm gonna pour you a drink now, Betty, because we're about to have a very honest discussion, and I think you're gonna need a little help getting through it."



Noah's House



Noah lies in bed. Mike stands at the foot of the bed.



Mike: "His name's Zach Young. He lives with his father. Mother committed suicide about a year ago."



Noah: "How did he end up with these people?"



Mike: "How do you think? Deirdre was strung out, Noah. She gave him up."



Noah: "I wanna see this boy."



Mike: "Well, he's got a new family now. I can't just snap my fingers and get him in here."



Noah: "Maybe not, but I can snap my fingers and Detective Sullivan can make it happen."



Mike: "You don't wanna do that."



Noah: "No?"



Mike: "Is that really the way you wanna meet him, have that thug drag him in here so grandpa can give him a hug?"



Noah: "Fine. You bring him. I'll give you two days. As you know, I'm on a bit of a clock here."



Mrs. Tilman sits in another room, listening to the conversation on an intercom.



Bree's Dining Room



Betty: "When Caleb was born and the doctors discovered that he was different, I didn't even cry. It was the most painful moment of my life. I didn't shed a single tear. I just thought to myself, what's the point? He is my son, and I have to raise him as best I can. Now that's my job. In a lot of ways, I feel so blessed. Caleb is challenged, but he has such a sweet nature. I'm sure you noticed that when you came to visit."



Bree: "Yes, I did. I also noticed that you had him chained in the basement."



Betty: "That's because of Melanie Foster. Melanie was a girl that Matthew dated. She was a debutante. And like typical teenagers, their relationship was full of drama. They were always breaking up and getting back together and breaking up. One night, after one of their big blow-ups, Caleb somehow convinced Melanie to meet him down at our local lumberyard. I can only imagine that she thought he was bringing some kind of apology from Matthew, but he wasn't. Caleb told Melanie he was in love with her, and that if he was her boyfriend, he would never break up with her and she laughed in his face. He tried to show her he was serious by kissing her and she hit him. He doesn't remember a lot of what happened after that, but he, he does know that he got very, very angry and that there was an ax lying on the ground nearby him. Yes, my Caleb killed Melanie, but I couldn't let him go to jail or worse, be put down, for what was really my crime."



Bree: "Your crime?"



Betty: "It was my responsibility. I was supposed to protect him from himself. I am his mother. That was my job."



Bree reaches over and holds Betty's hand.



"The world is filled with unlikely friendships."



Gabrielle's House



Xiao Mei is hemming a dress Gabrielle is trying on. Gabrielle smiles down on her.



"How do they begin? With one person desperately in need and another willing to lend a helping hand."



Outside Susan's House



Susan is getting her mail. She sees Karl and Edie on a bike together.



"When such kindness is offered, we're finally able to see the worth of those we had previously written off."



Edie: "Woo!"



Advertising Agency



Ed and Tom are in his office. They high-five each other as Lynette looks on, smiling.



"And before we know it, a bond has formed, regardless of whether others can understand it."



Outside Betty's House - Daytime



Matthew and Danielle are kissing behind a tree.



"Yes, unlikely friendships start up every day. No one understands this more than the lonely."



Caleb is looking out his window watching them.



"In fact, it's what they count on."



~ The End ~

关键字:绝望主妇第二季

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