Desperate Housewives - Episode 02.04 - My Heart Belongs to Daddy

Fairview County Jail Outside Yard

"The residents of the Fairview County Jail looked forward to every Tuesday."

The yard is built around a fenced-in walkway. Inmates are milling around the yard.

"That was the day that Gabrielle Solis came to visit her husband."

Flashback - Gabrielle enters the fenced in enclosure. All the inmates gather near the fence to watch her walk through the enclosure.

"The inmates went out of their way to give her compliments whether she wanted them to or not."

Flashback The inmates make kissing noises and whistle as Gabrielle walks through. Gabrielle shakes her head in disgust.

"With each visit, these accolades became increasingly inventive."

Flashback - Gabrielle in a gold outfit walks through. The inmates continue to make sexual gestures and cat calls.

Inmates: "Who's your daddy! Look over here!"

"Still Gabrielle was not flattered. In fact, Gabrielle started to dread this special attention."

Flashback Gabrielle enters the enclosure. Inmates make gestures as though he is riding a horse. Gabrielle is disgusted and ignores them.

Inmates: "Ride em.. Ride em!"

"Until one day when;

Present - Fairview County Jail Daytime

Gabrielle is walking down the fenced in area with Carlos? lawyer, Mr. Doyle.

Gabrielle: "I don't think a conjugal visit is such a ridiculous request."

Mr. Doyle: "With all due respect, Mrs. Solis, let's just get through the discovery phase first, okay?"

Gabrielle: "But, I don't think I can wait that long."

Mr. Doyle: "I am trying to get your husband out of jail. You want me to just stop everything so you can have a booty call?"

Gabrielle smacks the attorney with her purse.

Gabrielle: "Excuse me! We are husband and wife. When we make love it is a very sacred covenant."

Mr. Doyle: "Huh!"

Gabrielle: "Okay, look, all we need is twenty minutes."

Mr. Doyle: "I said no."

Gabrielle: "You can't tell me no. You work for me. You will make it happen!"

Mr. Doyle: "You can't force me to do anything. I am not your maid. Or your gardener."

Gabrielle slaps Mr. Doyle. All the inmates along the walkway are watching.

Inmates: "Oh, Oh, ha!"

Mr. Doyle: "I could have you arrested for that."

Gabrielle: "Oh really. Then how about for this?"

Gabrielle slaps him again, even harder. He falls against the fence.

Mr. Doyle: "You crazy bitch! Ow!"

Inmate #1, behind the fence, pokes Mr. Doyle with a stick.

Inmate #1: "Apologize to the lady!"

Mr. Doyle: "Big mistake, pal. I play golf with the warden. You're gonna rot in-ow!"

Inmate #2 on the other side, pokes Mr. Doyle with a stick.

Inmate #2: "You heard him. Apologize!"

Gabrielle looks on in shock.

Mr. Doyle: "Look, fellows, I am just trying to do my job. This is all her fault. If she weren't so damn horny... Ow! Ow! Ow! All right, all right."

Inmates behind Mr. Doyle continue to poke him with sticks. He staggers toward the exit gate as the inmates continue to poke and yell at him.

A whistle blows. A guard in the tower shoots tear gas into the crowd. The inmates continue to poke Mr. Doyle. One inmate grabs him by his tie and pulls him into the fence.

Inmates: "Apologize!"

"It was at that moment, it occurred to Gabrielle this was the nicest compliment she had ever received."

Gabrielle watches and smiles.

Opening Credits

Wisteria Lane Twilight

"There was one thing all the fathers on Wisteria Lane had in common."

Flashback - A car drives up in front of a home. A man gets out of car and runs up to the front door as 2 kids run out the front door and hug their daddy.

Kids: "Daddy, daddy."

"They could return home after a hard day's work the family they left behind."

Flashback - Man #2 approaches his porch and two little girls run out and hug him.

Little Girl: "Daddy, daddy."

"And not feel at all guilty about the precious moments they had missed."

Wisteria Lane Nighttime

Lynette pulls into her driveway and runs into her house.

"Sadly, the same could not be said for the working mothers."

Lynette's House

Parker is fast asleep in his bed. Lynette creeps into the room quietly. She sees a black umbrella lying on the bed next to Parker. She covers Parker with the blanket and taps him with a kiss.

Lynette's House Kitchen

Tom: "Hey, honey. I held dinner for as long as I could. It just got-"

Lynette kisses Tom.

Tom: "-too late for them."

Lynette: "You couldn't have given them coffee or something? I just feel like I'm missing out on their lives entirely."

Tom: "Hey, you sit, eat and I will fill you in."

Lynette sits down at the kitchen table where there is a plate of spaghetti. She picks up the bread and begins eating.

Tom: "Oh, don't eat that. That's been sitting out for hours. That's for Mrs. Mulberry." (getting a plate out of the oven) "This is for you."

Tom brings a warm plate to Lynette.

Lynette: "I'm sorry, who?"

Tom: "Oh, Mrs. Mulberry. Parker has an imaginary friend. Um, British nanny. I think he really locked into the whole Mary Poppins thing."

Lynette: "Is that why he's sleeping with an umbrella?"

Tom: "He carries it with him everywhere. It's a security blanket."

Lynette: "When did this start?"

Tom: "About a week ago, I guess."

Lynette: "And you don't find it odd that Parker's new nanny made her appearance right at the time I went back to work?"

Tom: "Kids have imaginary friends. It's no big deal."

Lynette: "I agree with you to a point when they're flying kangaroos or giant robots, not surrogate mommies."

Tom: "Hey, Parker is having a little trouble adjusting, that's all. Apparently, so are you. Honey, don't be so sensitive."

Lynette: "I hope you're right. At the risk of sounding too sensitive," (pointing to Mrs. Mulberry's plate) "how come she gets a bigger portion?"

Susan's House Nighttime

Susan is on the front porch, holding a swan made of tin foil. Mike kisses her, then walks away.

Susan: "What, that's it?"

Mike: "You're the one who said you wanted things to be casual between us."

Susan: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to act like brother and sister. I mean, you bought me ribs. I have gratitude to express."

Susan pulls Mike to her and kisses him. Mike kisses her back, then pulls away.

Susan: "What's wrong?"

Mike: "I can't do this. This casual thing. It's, it's weird."

Susan: "No, no, it's not. We're just gonna pretend like it was when we first started dating. We'll just see each other occasionally. You know, until we get this Zach thing resolved. You know, we'll just be easy about it. No commitments. Except, of course, neither of us is allowed to date anybody else."

Mike: "Look, I know how you feel about Zach, and I don't blame you. But he's part of the package right now and either you can accept that or you can't."

Susan nods.

Mike: "Anyway."

Mike begins to walk away. Susan watches as Mike leaves.

Susan: "Mike, wait!"

She runs after him. She catches up with him.

Susan: "I accept."

Mike: "Are you sure?"

Susan: "Zach's your son, and, and I have Julie and you've totally accepted her. I mean, granted, she's been the model child, so far, but she's almost fifteen. She's gonna turn on me any minute. You better be there to help me when it gets ugly."

Mike: "I will."

They smile and Susan kisses Mike.

Susan: "Good night."

She walks back toward her house.

Mike: "Uh, Susan."

Susan: "Yeah?"

Mike: "Technically, we don't have to be casual anymore."

Susan: " I can be naked in twenty seconds! That includes travel time."

Susan pulls Mike toward his house.

Fairview Jail Visiting Room

Couples are sitting across from each other.

Gabrielle: "Carlos, will you calm down?"

Carlos: "You incited a prison riot!"

Gabrielle: "It wasn't a riot. It was more of a melee."

Carlos: "Who's going to defend me now? Doyle knew my case. He knew the judge."

Gabrielle: "He called me a bitch."

Carlos: "Well, were you acting like one?"

Gabrielle: "He refused to help me get a conjugal visit."

Carlos: "Hold it. My lawyer's in traction because you wanted sex?"

Gabrielle: "Not just for me. For us. In case you haven't noticed, Carlos, our marriage is still on shaky ground."

Carlos: "And you thought a conjugal visit would fix it?"

Gabrielle: "It couldn't hurt! Ever since you've been in here, all we do is bicker!"

Carlos: "That's all we ever did when I was out! That's what we do!"

Gabrielle: "Yeah, but when we would finish arguing, we had this great sex! Now all we do is fight and there's no payoff and it sucks! You and I need to get laid!"

Everyone in the room turns to look at her.

Gabrielle: "Oh, don't judge me! You're not in here because you got caught helping the poor." (to Carlos) "See, we'd be enjoying this argument more if we had something to look forward to!"

Carlos: "Fine! Get the damn lawyer. And make it quick."

Gabrielle leaves.

Outside Bree's House Nighttime

Bree stands outside with George. He leans forward and she kisses him on the forehead.

George: "I take it that was my goodnight kiss."

Bree: "George, you're a very special friend, you are, but Rex hasn't been dead four weeks so I think kissing on the lips is;

George: "Further than you want to go."

Bree: "Exactly. I hope you don't mind."

George takes hold of Bree's hands. The front door of Bree's house slams. They turn and see Andrew come out holding a trash bag. They drop hands.

Bree: "Andrew. What are you doing?"

Andrew: "Taking out the garbage."

Bree: "Of course. You remember Mr. Williams."

George: "Hi, Andrew."

Andrew: "George."

Bree: "Ah, well it's getting late so

George: "Yeah. So let me know if you want to go out to dinner again soon. There's a couple new restaurants I would like to try."

Bree: "You know, we've been eating out a lot lately. Why don't you come over Friday for a home-cooked meal. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Andrew stands next to Bree.

George: "I would love that."

Andrew: "So you leaving or what?"

George: "We're not done talking."

Andrew: "She said it was getting late. In case you missed that, that was a hint."

Bree: "Andrew, that wasn't a hint."

George: "I'll go when I'm ready."

Bree: "Actually, it is getting late, and I am tired, so..."

Andrew: "See, you heard the lady. Now take off."

Andrew pushes George.

Bree: "Andrew!"

George: "It's okay. He's not really that tough. He knows I would never hit a child."

Andrew shoves George with both hands.

Bree: "Andrew!"

George pushes Andrew with one hand.

Bree: "George."

Andrew shoves George and knocks him down.

Bree: "Stop it, the two of you, this instant! This was a perfectly lovely evening and now the both of you have ruined it. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. Do you understand?"

Andrew nods. Bree turns toward George, who is still on the ground. George gets up.

Bree: "All right then. George, we'll see you Friday for dinner. I'll be serving fish."

Bree turns and walks inside. Andrew follows her. George stares after him.

Lynette's house Morning

Lynette is sitting on Parker's bed, waking him. Parker is holding the umbrella as he sleeps.

Lynette: "Hey buddy, wake up sleepyhead. Parker. Hi, hi pal. What do you say you and me go get some donuts, okay, before mommy has to go to work. Yeah?"

She pulls Parker up, but he falls back down asleep, hugging his umbrella.

Lynette: "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on."

Lynette's Car Morning

Lynette climbs in. Parker is sitting in the back seat.

Lynette: "All right. Ah. So, what do you think you are going to have, huh? Jelly? Cause I think I'm gonna have a bear claw."

Lynette begins backing up the car.

Parker: "Stop! We forgot Mrs. Mulberry!"

Lynette: "What? Oh, um. Well, since I'm here, maybe she could just relax in the house for a little while, okay?"

Parker: "No! I need her!"

Lynette: "Okay."

Lynette unbuckles her seat belt and gets out. She stands outside the passenger door and pretends to talk to someone.

Lynette: "Hello, Mrs. Mulberry. Don't forget to buckle up."

Back in the driver's seat, she begins to back up the car.

Lynette: "Here we go."

Parker: "Wait! You forgot her umbrella!"

Lynette: "Well Parker, we don't have time."

Parker: "No! She needs it!"

Lynette unbuckles her seat belt and runs inside the house.

Lynette's House - Bedroom

Tom is helping one of the twins get ready.

Tom: "Hey, what are you still doing here?"

Lynette: "I'm looking for Parker's umbrella. Have you seen it?"

Tom: "Nope, no, sorry. Hey honey, you'd better hurry. You're gonna be late for work."

Lynette: "Thank you for that."

Lynette runs out of the room. She runs outside, carrying a wide sun hat, and gets into the car.

Lynette: "I couldn't find Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella so I brought her her sun hat instead, all right? And, here we go."

Parker: "It's in the shower."

Lynette: "What?"

Parker: "Mrs. Mulberry said she left it in the shower."

Lynette: "Well why didn't Mrs. Mulberry volunteer that information before I turned your room upside down looking for it, hmm?"

Parker: "Are you going to go get it?"

Lynette: "No! I'm not going to get the damn umbrella! I'm so sorry, sweetie. I am not mad at you."

Parker unbuckles his seat belt and climbs out of the car.

Lynette: "What are you doing?"

Parker opens the other passenger door, then slams it.

Parker: "We don't want donuts."

Parker goes back into the house. Lynette puts her head on the steering wheel and sighs.

Bree's House

Bree is folding laundry when Andrew comes in wearing a ripped T-shirt.

Bree: "Andrew! You are not leaving the house dressed like that."

Andrew: "I'm, I'm just gonna meet some of the guys at the swim club."

Bree: "I don't care. Here, put this on. Every time you leave this house, you represent this family. And the least you can do is not humiliate us."

Andrew removes the ripped shirt and puts on the shirt Bree hands him.

Andrew: "A ripped T-shirt is just a look."

Bree: "Yes. A bad one. I hope you haven't made plans for tomorrow night."

Andrew: "Look, if you think I'm having dinner with the pharmacist, you're crazy."

Bree: "Part of the reason I'm having him over is so that you can get to know him."

Andrew: "Yeah, well, I don't want to get to know him."

Bree: "Honey, the feelings that you're having are perfectly normal, but George isn't trying to take your father's place. He's, well, he's just a friend."

Andrew: "Really? Just a friend? So you're not planning on getting more serious with this guy in the future?"

Bree: "You know, I haven't even thought about it."

Andrew: "You're so transparent, it's pathetic. You're worried about a ripped T-shirt humiliating this family? Wait 'till people see that you're dating the town nerd less than a month after your husband's funeral."

Bree: "I'll be serving dinner tomorrow at seven. Please don't be late."

Andrew: "Sorry, but, I already have plans."

Bree: "Andrew, don't you have a meet at the swim club?"

Andrew: "Yeah. So?"

Bree: "Doesn't it require a large entrance fee? One that you can't afford by yourself?"

Andrew: "Are you blackmailing me into coming to dinner?"

Bree: "Oh, you don't know the lengths I'd go to for even seating."

Wisteria Lane Daytime

Susan is putting up a "missing" flier of Zach on a tree. Edie approaches wearing a bright pink cast on her leg.

Edie: "Mayer! Is this yours?"

She holds up the flier.

Edie: "It blew into my front yard."

Susan: "Oh, sorry. I'm helping Mike find Zach. You know, so we can all rest easy at night."

Edie: "Uh huh. And put him in jail? Oh, I don't think Mike would do that to his own son."

Susan: "You know?"

Edie: "That Mike's Zach's real father? Yes. Julie told Karl, Karl told me and I sent out a few e-mails."

Susan: "Well, thanks for your discretion."

Edie: "Boy. You would do anything to get Mike Delfino to love you. So what's gonna happen to little creepy when he gets here? Are you gonna be tucking him in at night? Making him breakfast in the morning? Careful to bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?"

Susan: "You know, Edie, could you just back off? I mean the truth is we're probably never gonna find Zach, anyway. It's a needle in a haystack."

Edie: "Oh, I see, and then you'll still come off as little Miss Perfect self-sacrificing girlfriend. Putting his needs ahead of yours. Oh, why you conniving little shrew. I don't know why we're not closer."

David Bradley's Law Office

"There was a reason David Bradley was the most successful lawyer in all of Fairview."

Flashback - David is sitting across the desk from an attractive blond.

"His arguments were persuasive."

David: "No one ever has to know."

He grabs the blond and begins kissing her.

Flashback He pushes a brunette against the wall and begins kissing her.

"His manner was forceful."

David: "Take it off. Take it off."

Flashback His office door opens. Another woman comes out wearing a skimpy dress.

"And he tended to win on appeal."

David: "Please."

He begins kissing woman #3.

"And when it came to the more challenging cases

Present time. Gabrielle is sitting across from David while he looks through Carlos' file.

"He knew it was to his advantage to raise the first objection."

David: "I'm not gonna take your case."

Gabrielle: "What?"

The intercom beeps.

David: "Yes?"

Secretary: "Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Bradley. Your dinner just cancelled. Did you want me to pull your reservation?"

David: "No, I still have to eat!" (to Gabrielle) "I'm sorry. Where were we?"

Gabrielle: "You were about to turn me down, then you reconsidered once you realized I was gonna throw a ton of money at you. Which I am."

David: "Ah. It's not about the money for me anymore, Mrs. Solis. The fact is if I don't feel passionately about a client, if I don't feel that fire in my belly, I don't bring my A game to court. And from what I've read, it will take my A game to save your husband."

Gabrielle: "Is this about the gay bashing thing? He's innocent."

David: "He went berserk and attacked a man in court."

Gabrielle: "Yeah, but that was a jealously thing. The man that my husband was trying to kill in court is not the least bit gay. Trust me."

David: "Your file also says you're seeking conjugal visits. Trying to keep the old marriage alive, huh?"

Gabrielle: "Why does everybody have a problem with me having sex with my husband?"

David: "Can I be frank?"

Gabrielle: "Only if it ends with me getting what I want."

David: "Your marriage is doomed. "

Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"

David: "I've been doing this for a long time, Mrs. Solis. I know what incarceration can do to a relationship. Marriage is hard enough, but when you throw in cement walls and armed guards, iron bars, it tends to go downhill rather quickly. Conjugal visits, not withstanding."

Gabrielle: "But, I-"

David: "Listen. You want my advice? Walk away. You're young. You made a mistake. Learn from it. Maybe next time you'll marry smarter. If you'll excuse me, I have dinner reservations."

Gabrielle: "Reservation! You're eating alone, remember? And I have a feeling it's not the first time!"

Gabrielle grabs the file and walks out. David smiles as she leaves.

Parker's School Headmasters' Office

Lynette: "I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I forgot my husband had to take our youngest to the pediatrician..."

Headmaster Lentz: "It's all right, Mrs. Scavo."

Lynette: "So, what did Parker do?"

Mrs. Truesdale: "Are you aware that your son has an imaginary friend? Mrs. Mulberry?"

Lynette: "Yes. We've met."

Mrs. Truesdale: "Well, um, yesterday Parker demanded that Mrs. Mulberry get her own easel during art, which was fine. But today it was a desk, and unfortunately we didn't have an extra desk."

Lynette: "Oh. That must have been ugly."

Patty: "It was."

Mrs. Truesdale: "Patty was rammed with this."

She passes over the umbrella.

Lynette: "Oh, I am so sorry."

Headmaster Lentz: "Mrs. Scavo. Have you experienced a death in your family recently?"

Lynette: "No. No. Why?"

Mrs. Truesdale: "Imaginary friends are often created as a coping mechanism, to deal with loss."

Lynette: "Uh huh."

Headmaster Lentz: "Or it might occur as a result of some major change or extensive alteration in their lives."

Mrs. Truesdale: "Exactly. A manifestation of some deep-seated unhappiness. Can you think of anything that might shed a little bit of light on this for us?"

Lynette begins to cry.

Headmaster Lentz: "Mrs. Scavo?"

Lynette cries louder. Patty hands a tissue box to the Mrs. Truesdale, who hands it to Headmaster Lentz, who hands it to Lynette.

Lynette: "Thank you."

Bree's House

Bree clears the table from dinner as George and Andrew sit across from each other at the dining room table.

George: "And I'm thinking it's the Golden Gate bridge. What a great place to get a picture of the sunset. So I lean out, way over the rail to get the shot. Next thing I know, the police arrived. People had called nine-one-one from their cell phones. Thought I was suicidal."

George laughs. Andrew, sitting across from him, also laughs. Bree seems pleased. She carries plates into the kitchen, where Danielle is washing dishes.

Bree: "I can't believe how well those two are getting along."

Danielle: "Yeah. It's freaky."

Bree: "Andrew is being polite and engaging. He's even laughing at George's jokes."