Desperate Housewives - Episode 02.05 - They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

Advertising Agency

Lynette and two co-workers are pitching an ad campaign to Nina.

"Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to Lynette Scavo that her new boss, Nina, was unusually tense."

Nina, watching the presentation, does not look happy. Lynette sees Nina is holding a pencil tightly then suddenly snaps the pencil in half.

"To help relieve her tension Lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts."

Flashback Lynette walks into Nina's office and places a wave machine on her desk as Nina rubs the back of her neck.

"A soothing wave machine...

Flashback Lynette walks into Nina's office with a basket of candles and oils. Nina is exercising her jaw.

"Aromatherapy candles...;

Flashback Lynette walks into Nina's office and places two Chi balls on her desk.

"Even meditative Chi balls."

Present Nina continues to watch the pitch.

"But nothing seemed to ease Nina's tension."

Nina: "Distilled the old-fashioned way? Do you know, it actually hurts my teeth to say that out loud."

She grabs the pitch sign out of their hands.

Nina: "You folks are going to toddle back to your little holes and you are gonna come up with a decentslogan or I will can all your asses the old-fashioned way!"

She rips the sign in half.

"Until one day, when it occurred to Lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try."

O'Donnell's Bar

Nina and Lynette sitting in a noisy bar. The waiter puts two drinks on the table in front of them.

Lynette: "It's a gimlet. You'll love it."

Nina: "What exactly is your plan here? To get me all liquored up so I'd buy the revised pitch?"

Lynette: "Don't be ridiculous. Could we get a trough of these please?"

Nina: "I can't remember the last time I was in a bar. Must have been the last time I had a boyfriend, which was, oh god, I'm a nun."

Lynette: "So why don't you go out and get in the game?"

Nina: "Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting men, I am shy."

Lynette: "Well, I'm not. So, uh, what about that guy over there? He's been checking you out since we walked in."

Nina: "He's cute."

Lynette: "So, go over there."

Nina: "No."

Lynette: "Oh, for god's sakes."

Lynette gets up and walks away from the table.

Nina: "Where are you going? Lynette. Sit!"

Lynette walks up to the guy she pointed out.

Lynette: "Hey, Stretch. See my friend over there? She thinks you're cute."

The guy looks over at Nina, who waves shyly.

Lynette: "Why don't you buy her a drink?"

The guy smiles and nods.

Advertising Agency Daytime

Lynette walks through a busy office. The elevator door opens and a disheveled Nina strolls in, carrying a coffee cup.

Nina: "Hey, everyone. Hi. Oh, it's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"

The receptionist hands some messages to Nina.

Nina: "Thank you, sweetie. Oh, hey, Lynette. I read the new mock-up proposal. Oh, you guys hit it out of the park!"

Lynette: "Wow."

Nina: "I like that color."

Lynette: "Thanks. Hey, Nina."

Nina: "Yeah?"

"And although it had come about in a unexpected manner...

Lynette: "Are those the same clothes you were wearing last night in the bar?"

Nina: "Yep!"

"...Nina's tension had finally been released, the old-fashioned way!"

Opening Credits

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

"Everyone in this world needs someone they can depend upon."

A home care worker is helping an elderly woman down the steps.

"Be it a faithful companion."

Two woman friends are talking.

"Trusted confidant."

A young boy is sitting on the lawn petting his dog.

"Or loyal friend."

Lonnie Moon pulls his car into Susan's driveway.

"For Susan Mayer, that dependable someone was her book agent, Lonnie Moon. It was Lonnie who helped Susan promote her first children's book."

Flashback Susan at a party with lots of kids. Behind her is a sign which reads "Meet Susan Mayer, Author of in My Picnic Basket....;

"It was Lonnie who rushed Susan to the hospital the night Julie was born."

Flashback Lonnie is helping a pregnant Susan walk down the hall. He carries her suitcase, but it accidentally opens, spilling everything on the floor.

"It was Lonnie who took Susan's mind off her painful divorce with a fun vacation."

Flashback Susan and Lonnie, wearing sombreros, ride a donkey.

"Yes, Lonnie was Susan's rock. Sadly for Susan, her rock was about to crumble."

Present Lonnie walks up to Susan's door. Susan sees him approaching and runs to the door. Her TV is on.

TV Announcer: "For those of you just joining us, we have a new development on the Melanie Foster case. Earlier today..."

Susan: "Lonnie. What are you doing here?"

Lonnie: "It's past noon, which now means it is now sociallyacceptable to start drinking."

Bar

Susan and Lonnie are drinking beers.

Susan: "I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I am so behind in my work. But I'm glad I came. This is fun."

Lonnie: "I've gotta be honest. I had an ulterior motive."

Susan: "Oh?"

Lonnie: "I've decided to start my own agency."

Susan: "You're leaving Muir and Hunt? You helped build that place."

Lonnie: "I know, but I just feel it's time. And now the question is, will you come with me?"

Susan: "Well, of course."

Lonnie: "Okay. To the future."

They clink glasses and drink.

Susan: "I'll just call the agency and let them know I'm going with you."

Lonnie: "Oh, I don't think that necessary."

Susan: "Really? Ah, I think it might be rude not to. Lonnie, what's going on?"

Lonnie: "Okay. There's been some bad blood between me and the partners."

Susan: "Why?"

Lonnie: "I got into this thing where I had to move a little client money around temporarily to cover some expenses."

Susan: "You had to move money? What does that mean?"

Lonnie: "I took a little from here and I moved it there. It was no big deal."

Susan: "Really? 'cause it sorta sounds like embezzlement."

Lonnie: "Why do people keep using that word?"

Susan: "Who else is using that word?"

Lonnie: "Nobody. The partners and their forensic accountants."

Susan: "Oh, my god. Lonnie, did you move some of my money?"

Lonnie: "Absolutely not! I swear! Susan, don't look at me that way. I know what I did was wrong and I feel like a complete idiot for doing it, but please, please don't hate me."

Susan: "Well, I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. You're my Lonnie."

Lonnie: "So, will you still come with me?"

Susan: "You know what? This is one of those times when you find out who your real friends are, so yeah."

Lonnie: "Oh, thank you, thank you. You are one special lady, Susan Mayer."

They hug.

Fairview County Jail Visiting Room

Carlos is looking at an ultrasound picture of the baby.

Carlos: "Is that the baby's head?"

Gabrielle: "No, it's his foot."

Carlos: "That looks like a head to me."

Gabrielle: "Well, that settles it. When this baby's born, I'll be in charge of putting on the socks."

Carlos: "You're glowing today, you know that? Pregnancy agrees with you."

Gabrielle: "Yeah? Well if you don't mind the hemorrhoids and the nausea, it's quite the party."

Carlos grins. Gabrielle looks at her watch.

Gabrielle: "I wonder where David is. He should have been here by now."

Carlos: "So this new lawyer is good?"

Gabrielle: "He's quite the shark. You're gonna love him. He hasn't lost a case in six years. He argued in front of the State Supreme Court and he made our conjugal visit happen pretty damn fast."

Carlos: "Well, hey, I'm a fan already."

The door opens and David comes in.

David: "Sorry I'm late."

Gabrielle: "Oh, David."

David: "Good to see you, Gabby. Carlos, I'm David."

David leans over to shake Carlos' hand. Carlos notices that David has his hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and she is smiling up at him.

Carlos: "I don't think so."

He gets up and walks away.

Gabrielle: "What the hell are you doing?"

Carlos: "That guy's not gonna be my lawyer. Find a new one."

Police Station

Bree is sitting in the detective's office with her attorney.

Bree's Attorney: "You haven't filed a single charge. Either determine a homicide or release the body."

Detective 2: "We've got a court order which says until we're done with it, the corpse is ours."

Bree: "He is not a corpse. He is a man named Rex Van de Kamp. He was a loving husband, a devoted father, and a successful doctor. So successful, in fact, that he left me enough money to sue the city, this precinct, and you two gentlemen personally just for the fun of it."

Detective 2: "Mrs. Van de Kamp, we don't respond well to threats so if I were you-"

Detective Barton: "Release the body."

Detective 2: "What?"

Detective Barton: "The evidence we have is minimal, at best. Mrs. Van de Kamp was gracious enough to come down here and take that lie detector test. I think it's the least we can do for her."

Bree: "Thank you. So, uh, what will happen now?"

Detective 2: "Obviously, we will put Mr. Van de Kamp back just like we found him."

Bree: "Yes, and I'm sure you will bury him with all the dignity of a dead hamster. No, I want Rex released to me and I will make all the arrangements."

Detective 2: "Fine."

Bree's Attorney: "And of course, you'll be paying all the costs."

Detective Barton: "Of course."

Bree: "Detective Barton, you are clearly a gentleman."

Bree looks down at the other detective and walks out of the room with her attorney.

Advertising Agency

Employees are watching a TV tuned to the news.

Female Reporter: "People have gathered at Attenborough High School where Melanie attended the past...

Lynette is on the phone in the other room.

Lynette: "No, it's fine, I'll pick it up on my way home. So, what do you want?"

She begins to gather all of her stuff together, then walks out of her office.

Lynette: "Oh, Parker hates pepperoni. How about sausage? Yeah. And a small cheese. Okay, perfect. Love you."

Nina comes up to Lynette.

Nina: "Hey, you."

Lynette: "Hey."

Nina: "You want to hit Konnell's? I owe you a beer. Actually, I owe you so much more than that."

Lynette: "You're welcome, but I really need to get home."

Nina: "No, come on. I had such a good time last night."

Lynette: "Um, why don't you ask Trudy? She loves going out."

Nina: "Trudy? Are you kidding? I don't need the competition. Have you seen Trudy without her jacket. She's hot!"

Lynette: "Oh, is she now?"

Nina: "I didn't mean that you're not hot. It's just, you're married."

Lynette: "Ah."

Nina: "You know, you're off the market. I don't have to worry about fighting you for guys. Come on, Lynette, just one quick little drink. I was actually starting to think that you and I were becoming pals."

Lynette: "Pals? 'cause sometimes it's hard to tell. You know I wasn't feeling the love today when you mocked my campaign in front of the clients."

Nina: "That was just putting on a show for work. In the future, always assume that I am winking, inside. Come on, I hate to go to a bar alone. I feel like such a loser. "

Lynette: "Okay. One drink."

Nina: "Yeah! One or two."

Lynette: "No."

Betty Applewhite's House

Betty is sorting through her mail on her front porch. She holds a package that was delivered to her house, and sees it is addressed to Zach Young. She goes to the Young home where mail is stacked in boxes on the front porch. She puts the package into one of the boxes.

Edie's House

Edie is on crutches with a pink cast around one leg.

The TV is on with the volume turned down.

Edie: "Thank you so much for bringing my mail over. You know, I, I have some of yours in the kitchen."

Betty: "Well, that's the fourth time. What's up with this postman?"

Edie: "Oh, I know. He used to be great. Then he had this stroke. Now we're lucky he doesn't drool on the coupons. But feel free to snoop around. Be right back."

Edie leaves the room. Betty goes over to the TV. She sees on the screen "Breaking News Arrest in Foster Case." The reporter is standing in front of a police station. She turns the volume up quickly.

TV Reporter: "Possible. Now for those of you just joining us, families in Chicago breathed a sigh of relief today as an arrest was finally made in the brutal attack of local high school student, Melanie Foster."

On the screen, police are taking a young black man out of the police car into the police station.

TV Reporter: "Word of the suspect's capture comes as small comfort to the Foster family...

Edie: "Betty?"

Edie enters the room to see that Betty has left. The TV volume is still turned up.

TV Reporter: "The Fosters lost their seventeen-year-old daughter almost four months ago."

Edie: "Betty?"

TV Reporter: "The body was found in a local park less than a mile from Attenborough High."

Betty's House

Betty rushes into her house. As she enters, she hears the TV reporter on the TV.

Betty: "Did you see the news? They've arrested somebody."

Matthew: "Yeah. Looks like we're in the clear."

Bree's House

Bree, Gabrielle, Susan, and Edie are playing cards in the dining room.

Bree: "Well, I have some good news. The police are finally releasing Rex's body."

Gabrielle: "About time."

Susan: "You must be so relieved."

Bree: "You know, mostly I'm annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean how in the world can anyone accuse me of murder?"

Edie: "Well, you are wound pretty tight. What? The super mom is always the first to snap. They've done studies."

Bree: "Anyway, I was hoping that you were all free Friday morning because that's when I'll be hosting the re-burial."

Gabrielle: "The what?"

Bree: "Look, I know it's an imposition, but Danielle is away on a class trip and Andrew is back at Camp Hennessey for a little refresher course. Well it's just gonna be a very brief and, and dignified ceremony and I was hoping that you could say a few words and, um, I'm gonna read a poem."

Gabrielle: "We would love to come."

Susan: "Absolutely."

Bree gets up and goes into the kitchen. Susan looks at Edie.

Edie: "I'm busy. Sorry."

Susan (whispering): "Edie!"

Edie (whispering): "She's going to read a poem."

Susan kicks Edie under the table as Bree comes back into the room.

Edie: "Oww! Fine, yes, yes, we'd all love to come."

Bree: "Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. I've realized looking back that I was still in shock during Rex's first funeral. I don't think it had quite hit me yet what had happened so that's why this small ceremony means so much to me. Because I realize now that this is the last chance I'm gonna have to say goodbye."

Gabrielle takes Bree's hand.

Edie: "Unless, of course, they dig him up again."

The ladies all look at her.

Fairview County Jail

Inmates and their significant others are gathered in a circle with a chaplain overseeing a therapy session with inmates and their wives, including Carlos and Gabrielle.

Bob: "Sure, there were times when Lisa was rude and obnoxious. But I know now that that was no excuse to always be beating on her. Oh, baby, I'm just so sorry."

Bob and Lisa hug. The chaplainapplauds and the others join in. Carlos and Gabrielle do not applaud.

Chaplain: "Good job, you two. This is an example of how to use incarceration to your benefit. It's a chance for people to take a step back and observe the obstacles they face in their marriage."

Mona: "Can I go now? 'cause I have a lot to say about the obstacles I'm facing in my marriage."

Lamar: "We don't got any obstacles."

Mona: "Yes we do, Lamar, we got big ones."

Chaplain: "Okay, hold on you two. I think that it's Carlos and Gabrielle's turn."

Carlos: "Thanks, but we're good."

Carlos puts his hand on Gabrielle's leg. Gabrielle pushes his hand away.

Chaplain: "This is your third group session, but you have yet to share anything. Come on, talk to us. How's your marriage?"

Gabrielle: "Shaky at best."

Chaplain: "And why is that?"

Gabrielle: "I don't know. I hired a brilliant lawyer to get my husband out of this hellhole and he fired him. For no reason at all."

Chaplain: "Carlos?"

Carlos: "I just didn't like him."

Gabrielle: "Why not? He's experienced, he's intelligent, he's successful."

Carlos: "Exactly. I'd prefer an attorney you didn't find so damn appealing."

Gabrielle: "Oh my god. You fired him because you're jealous?"

Carlos: "Well, don't I have the right to? You know she cheated on me."

Bob gasps loudly.

Gabrielle: "Oh, Bob, you beat your wife. You are so not allowed to gasp."

Lisa: "Don't you talk that way to him."

Gabrielle: "One more word out of you, Lisa, and I will back hand you myself."

Chaplain: "Okay, calm down."

Carlos: "Thousands of fat, bald attorneys out there in the world and she's gotta get the one that looks like an underwear model."

Gabrielle: "I'm not discussing this anymore. You can rot in here for all I care."

Everyone is quiet.

Chaplain: "So, uh, Mona, what do you feel are the biggest problems in your marriage?"

Gabrielle: "By the way, he was wearing a suit. How do you know he had a good body?"

Carlos: "Do you know?"

Gabrielle: "No!"

Lamar: "I bet he's hot!"

Everyone stares at Lamar.

Mona: "Do I need to say what our biggest problem is, or can everybody figure it out for themselves?"

Susan's House

Susan and Julie are reading in the living room when Mike walks in.

Mike: "Why are you reading that contract?"

Susan: "I told you. Lonnie wants me to sign with his new agency."

Mike: "But you didn't say you were seriously thinking about going with him?"

Susan: "I know. I know. It's just, Lonnie's family. You know he's always been there for me. He paid my rent when I was waiting for my first royalty check. He called me everyday when Karl left. I mean, I just owe him so much."

Mike: "Susan, he committed a felony."

Susan: "Okay, who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast."

Mike: "Your agent represents you. You gotta be able to trust him. How is that gonna be possible now?"

Susan: "Well, it's possible because I have faith in people. I mean, Lonnie knows he messed up and he's sorry. He's making restitution. What, you don't believe people deserve second chances?"

Mike: "Not when they messed up this much. No."

Susan: "Really? So that's it with you. You just get one shot and you screw up and you're out. I didn't know you were such a cynic."

Mike: "I'm sorry, all right? I guess it's just the way I'm wired. I've got a job over in Greenwood, so, I'll call you later tonight."

Mike kisses Susan and leaves.

Julie: "You okay?"

Susan: "Julie, I did something bad. Something really, really bad. Aren't you gonna ask me what it was?"

Julie: "Do I ever have to?"

Susan: "Last week, when Mike and I went to the park searching for Zach, I sort of found him."

Julie: "No!"

Susan: "Yes, and I gave him money and I sent him away and I didn't tell Mike."

Julie: "Holy crap! What are you gonna do?"

Susan: "I don't know. What would you do if this happened to you?"

Julie: "See, this would never happen to me. This kinda thing only happens to you."

Susan: "Will you stop judging and help me?"

Julie: "Well, obviously you're gonna have to tell him."

Susan: "Well, I can't do that. You heard what he said about his wiring. I betrayed him. He'll never forgive me."

Julie: "Okay. Don't tell him."

Susan: "Well, how can I not? I feel so guilty, I can barely look him in the eye when he talks about Zach."

Julie: "So, where do you think Zach went?"

Susan: "Utah. Oh lord. Why did I do this?"

Julie: "I have a feeling you did it for me."

Susan nods.

Wisteria Lane - Daytime

A postman places a package in an white box marked US Mail on Paul Young's porch. The piled-up mail from before is no longer there.

Advertising Agency - Nighttime

Lynette is gathering her things. Nina walks in.

Nina: "Hey, girl."

Lynette: "Hi."

Nina: "I hope you are in the mood for margaritas cause it is Salsa Night at onnell's."

Lynette: "Oh, fun, but I can't go tonight because I promised the twins that I would help them finish their science project."

Nina: "Lynette. If the late hours are going to be an issue for you, we should probably talk about finding you a less demanding account."

Lynette: "You're gonna take me off Kamarov because I won't go drinking with you?"

Nina: "No. Oh, god, no. Honey, I get it. You have a family. Home has to come first for you."

Lynette: "Thank you."

Nina: "I mean, for me, the client comes first. Me being a perfectionist is my own neurotic issue and I know that I really need to work on that. But trust me. I will never sleep again if this campaign gets mucked up. I'll figure something out. You go home. Have a good night."

Lynette: "Nina."

Nina: "Yeah?"

Lynette: "I can handle the extra hours."

Nina: "Oh, Lynette. You sure?"

Lynette: "Yeah."

Nina: "I'll get my coat."

Konnell's Bar

Nina: "Wow, this place is rowdy after happy hour,, huh?"