In the halls of legislative debate,
One day with all his credentials came

To the capitol's door and announced his name.
The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist

Of the face, at the eminent egotist,
And said: "Go away, for we settle here

All manner of questions, knotty and queer,
And we cannot have, when the speaker demands

To be told how every member stands,
A man who to all things under the sky

Assents by eternally voting 'I'."
EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is

also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacredprivilege of voting for the man

of another man's choice.
ELECTRICITY, n. The power that causes all natural phenomena not known

to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning,
and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most

picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career. The memory
of Dr. Franklin is justly held in great reverence, particularly in

France, where a waxen effigy of him was recently on exhibition,
bearing the following touchingaccount of his life and services to

science:
"Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This

illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the
world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages,

of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered."
Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the

arts and industries. The question of its economicalapplication to
some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has already proved

that it will propel a street car better than a gas jet and give more
light than a horse.

ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of
the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind

the dampest kind of dejection. The most famous English example begins
somewhat like this:

The cur foretells the knell of parting day;
The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea;

The wise man homeward plods; I only stay
To fiddle-faddle in a minor key.

ELOQUENCE, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the
color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color

appear white.
ELYSIUM, n. An imaginarydelightful country which the ancients

foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This
ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth

by the early Christians -- may their souls be happy in Heaven!
EMANCIPATION, n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to

the despotism of himself.
He was a slave: at word he went and came;

His iron collar cut him to the bone.
Then Liberty erased his owner's name,

Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.
G.J.

EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which
it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural

balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their
once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting

more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step
in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be

ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a
bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him

after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and rose
are languishing for a nibble at his _glutoeus maximus_.

EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the
heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge

of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.

END, n. The position farthest removed on either hand from the
Interlocutor.

The man was perishing apace
Who played the tambourine;

The seal of death was on his face --
'Twas pallid, for 'twas clean.

"This is the end," the sick man said
In faint and failing tones.

A moment later he was dead,
And Tambourine was Bones.

Tinley Roquot
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

Enough is as good as a feast -- for that matter
Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter.

Arbely C. Strunk
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of

death by injection.
ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of

repentance in connection with outwardapplications of experience.
Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a

relapse, which carried him off -- to Missolonghi.
ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the

husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.
ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military
officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower

rank to whom his death would give promotion.
EPICURE, n. An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who,

holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time
in gratification from the senses.

EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently
characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.

Following are some of the more notable epigrams of the learned and
ingenious Dr. Jamrach Holobom:

We know better the needs of ourselves than of others. To
serve oneself is economy of administration.

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a
nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal

activity.
There are three sexes; males, females and girls.

Beauty in women and distinction in men are alike in this:
they seem to be the unthinking a kind of credibility.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be
ashamed of.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands
you are safe, for you can watch both his.

EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired
by death have a retroactive effect. Following is a touching example:

Here lie the bones of Parson Platt,
Wise, pious, humble and all that,

Who showed us life as all should live it;
Let that be said -- and God forgive it!

ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
So wide his erudition's mighty span,

He knew Creation's origin and plan
And only came by accident to grief --

He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief.
Romach Pute

ESOTERIC, adj. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult.
The ancient philosophies were of two kinds, -- _exoteric_, those that

the philosophers themselves could partly understand, and _esoteric_,
those that nobody could understand. It is the latter that have most

profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in
our time.

ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man,
as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and

ethnologists.
EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi.

A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as
to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred

thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth

and power, or the consideration to be dead.
EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious

sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of
our neighbors.