authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven sacraments,

but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can
afford only two, and these of inferiorsanctity. Some of the smaller

sects have no sacraments at all -- for which mean economy they will
indubitable be damned.

SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine
character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama

of Thibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of Apes in Ceylon; the
Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt;

the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc.
All things are either sacred or profane.

The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
The latter to the devil appertain.

Dumbo Omohundro
SANDLOTTER, n. A vertebrate mammalholding the political views of

Denis Kearney, a notorious demagogue of San Francisco, whose audiences
gathered in the open spaces (sandlots) of the town. True to the

traditions of his species, this leader of the proletariat was finally
bought off by his law-and-order enemies, living prosperously silent

and dying impenitently rich. But before his treason he imposed upon
California a constitution that was a confection of sin in a diction of

solecisms. The similarity between the words "sandlotter" and
"sansculotte" is problematically significant, but indubitably

suggestive.
SAFETY-CLUTCH, n. A mechanicaldeviceactingautomatically to prevent

the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the
hoisting apparatus.

Once I seen a human ruin
In an elevator-well,

And his members was bestrewin'
All the place where he had fell.

And I says, apostrophisin'
That uncommon woful wreck:

"Your position's so surprisin'
That I tremble for your neck!"

Then that ruin, smilin' sadly
And impressive, up and spoke:

"Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,
For it's been a fortnight broke."

Then, for further comprehension
Of his attitude, he begs

I will focus my attention
On his various arms and legs --

How they all are contumacious;
Where they each, respective, lie;

How one trotter proves ungracious,
T'other one an _alibi_.

These particulars is mentioned
For to show his dismal state,

Which I wasn't first intentioned
To specifical relate.

None is worser to be dreaded
That I ever have heard tell

Than the gent's who there was spreaded
In that elevator-well.

Now this tale is allegoric --
It is figurative all,

For the well is metaphoric
And the feller didn't fall.

I opine it isn't moral
For a writer-man to cheat,

And despise to wear a laurel
As was gotten by deceit.

For 'tis Politics intended
By the elevator, mind,

It will boost a person splendid
If his talent is the kind.

Col. Bryan had the talent
(For the busted man is him)

And it shot him up right gallant
Till his head begun to swim.

Then the rope it broke above him
And he painful come to earth

Where there's nobody to love him
For his detrimented worth.

Though he's livin' none would know him,
Or at leastwise not as such.

Moral of this woful poem:
Frequent oil your safety-clutch.

Porfer Poog
SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.

The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old
calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis

de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint: "I am delighted to hear
that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate

things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a
perfect gentleman, though a fool."

SALACITY, n. A certain literary quality frequently observed in
popular novels, especially in those written by women and young girls,

who give it another name and think that in introducing it they are
occupying a neglected field of letters and reaping an overlooked

harvest. If they have the misfortune to live long enough they are
tormented with a desire to burn their sheaves.

SALAMANDER, n. Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an
anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now

believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account
having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it

with a bucket of holy water.
SARCOPHAGUS, n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a

certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of
devouring the body placed in it. The sarcophagus known to modern

obsequiographers is commonly a product of the carpenter's art.
SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in

sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made
himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from

Heaven. Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a
moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like

to ask," said he.
"Name it."

"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."
"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn

of eternity with hatred of his soul -- you ask for the right to make
his laws?"

"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them
himself."

It was so ordered.
SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten

its contents, madam.
SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literarycomposition in which the

vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with
imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a

sickly and uncertainexistence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we
are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all

humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans
are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and folly, it is not

generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the
satirist is popularly regarded as a soul-spirited knave, and his ever

victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent.
Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung

In the dead language of a mummy's tongue,
For thou thyself art dead, and damned as well --

Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.
Had it been such as consecrates the Bible