ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects
to get.

ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to
receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of

straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the

figure-head does the thinking.
ADMIRATION, n. Our politerecognition of another's resemblance to

ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.

Consigned by way of admonition,
His soul forever to perdition.

Judibras
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.

ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.
"The man was in such deep distress,"

Said Tom, "that I could do no less
Than give him good advice." Said Jim:

"If less could have been done for him
I know you well enough, my son,

To know that's what you would have done."
Jebel Jocordy

AFFIANCED, pp. Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.
AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for

another and bitter world.
AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way.

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that
we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the

enterprise to commit.
AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors

-- to dislodge the worms.
AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to.

"Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?"
She tenderly inquired.

"An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife;
The fact is -- I have fired."

G.J.
AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for

the fattening of the poor.
ALDERMAN, n. An ingeniouscriminal who covers his secret thieving

with a pretence of open marauding.
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

ALLAH, n. The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the
Christian, Jewish, and so forth.

Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept,
And ever for the sins of man have wept;

And sometimes kneeling in the temple I
Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.

Junker Barlow
ALLEGIANCE, n.

This thing Allegiance, as I suppose,
Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,

Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.

G.J.
ALLIANCE, n. In internationalpolitics, the union of two thieves who

have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they
cannot separatelyplunder a third.

ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to
the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus

says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces
crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the

other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a
sawrian.

ALONE, adj. In bad company.
In contact, lo! the flint and steel,

By spark and flame, the thought reveal
That he the metal, she the stone,

Had cherished secretly alone.
Booley Fito

ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priestformerly raveled out the
small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination

and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used,
except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a

male and a female tool.
They stood before the altar and supplied

The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.
In vain the sacrifice! -- no god will claim

An offering burnt with an unholy flame.
M.P. Nopput

AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket
or a left.

AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would
be too expensive to punish.

ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.

As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.

Judibras
ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
The flabby wine-skin of his brain

Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm

The driblet of an aphorism.
"The Mad Philosopher," 1697

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle

only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient
to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor
and grave worm's provider.

When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,

That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,

Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"

G.J.
APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

APPETITE, n. An instinctthoughtfully implanted by Providence as a
solution to the labor question.

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a
bishop.

If I were a jolly archbishop,
On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up --

Salmon and flounders and smelts;
On other days everything else.

Jodo Rem
ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft

of your money.
ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman
wrestles with his record.

ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word
is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy

hats and clean shirts -- guilty of education and suspected of bank
accounts.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a