THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

by
AMBROSE BIERCE

AUTHOR'S PREFACE
The Devil's Dictionary was begun in a weekly paper in 1881, and was

continued in a desultory way at long intervals until 1906. In that
year a large part of it was published in covers with the title The

Cynic's Word Book, a name which the author had not the power to
reject or happiness to approve. To quote the publishers of the

present work:
"This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by

the religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of the
work had appeared, with the natural consequence that when it came out

in covers the country already had been flooded by its imitators with a
score of 'cynic' books -- The Cynic's This, The Cynic's That, and

The Cynic's t'Other. Most of these books were merely stupid, though
some of them added the distinction of silliness. Among them, they

brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep that any book bearing
it was discredited in advance of publication."

Meantime, too, some of the enterprising humorists of the country
had helped themselves to such parts of the work as served their needs,

and many of its definitions, anecdotes, phrases and so forth, had
become more or less current in popular speech. This explanation is

made, not with any pride of priority in trifles, but in simple denial
of possible charges of plagiarism, which is no trifle. In merely

resuming his own the author hopes to be held guiltless by those to
whom the work is addressed -- enlightened souls who prefer dry wines

to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humor and clean English to slang.
A conspicuous, and it is hope not unpleasant, feature of the book

is its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets, chief of
whom is that learned and ingenius cleric, Father Gassalasca Jape,

S.J., whose lines bear his initials. To Father Jape's kindly
encouragement and assistance the author of the prose text is greatly

indebted.
A.B.

A
ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customarymental attitude in the presence

of wealth of power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when
addressing an employer.

ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside
from molesting the rubbish inside.

ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the
high temperature of the throne.

Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication
Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.

For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:
She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.

To History she'll be no royal riddle --
Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.

G.J.
ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with

sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient
faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at

the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence
for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a

free hand in the world's marketing the race would become
graminivorous.

ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of
the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the

last analysisability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high
degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is

rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and

conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be
detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the

straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself.
Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and

the hope of Hell.
ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a

newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
ABRACADABRA.

By _Abracadabra_ we signify
An infinite number of things.

'Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?
And Whence? and Whither? -- a word whereby

The Truth (with the comfort it brings)
Is open to all who grope in night,

Crying for Wisdom's holy light.
Whether the word is a verb or a noun

Is knowledge beyond my reach.
I only know that 'tis handed down.

From sage to sage,
From age to age --

An immortal part of speech!
Of an ancient man the tale is told

That he lived to be ten centuries old,
In a cave on a mountain side.

(True, he finally died.)
The fame of his wisdom filled the land,

For his head was bald, and you'll understand
His beard was long and white

And his eyes uncommonly bright.
Philosophers gathered from far and near

To sit at his feat and hear and hear,
Though he never was heard

To utter a word
But "_Abracadabra, abracadab_,

_Abracada, abracad_,
_Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!_"

'Twas all he had,
'Twas all they wanted to hear, and each

Made copious notes of the mystical speech,
Which they published next --

A trickle of text
In the meadow of commentary.

Mighty big books were these,
In a number, as leaves of trees;

In learning, remarkably -- very!
He's dead,

As I said,
And the books of the sages have perished,

But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.
In _Abracadabra_ it solemnly rings,

Like an ancient bell that forever swings.
O, I love to hear

That word make clear
Humanity's General Sense of Things.

Jamrach Holobom
ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for
people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of

mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel
them to the separation.

Oliver Cromwell
ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-

shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most
affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another

author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption."
ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the

property of another.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond;

The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
Phela Orm

ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed;
hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection