man.
REVIEW, v.t.
To set your
wisdom (
holding not a doubt of it,
Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)
At work upon a book, and so read out of it
The qualities that you have first read into it.
REVOLUTION, n. In
politics, an
abrupt change in the form of
misgovernment. Specifically, in American history, the substitution of
the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry,
whereby the
welfare and happiness of the people were
advanced a full half-inch.
Revolutions are usually accompanied by a
considerable effusion of
blood, but are accounted worth it -- this appraisement being made by
beneficiaries whose blood had not the mischance to be shed. The
French revolution is of incalculable value to the Socialist of to-day;
when he pulls the string actuating its bones its gestures are
inexpressibly terrifying to gory tyrants suspected of fomenting law
and order.
RHADOMANCER, n. One who uses a divining-rod in prospecting for
precious metals in the pocket of a fool.
RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another
concerning oneself.
RIBROASTER, n. Censorious language by oneself
concerning another.
The word is of
classicalrefinement, and is even said to have been
used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious
writers of the fifteenth century --
commonly, indeed, regarded as the
founder of the Fastidiotic School.
RICE-WATER, n. A
mysticbeveragesecretly used by our most popular
novelists and poets to
regulate the
imagination and narcotize the
conscience. It is said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine,
and is brewed in a
midnight fog by a fat which of the Dismal Swamp.
RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property
of the indolent, the
incompetent, the unthrifty, the
envious and the
luckless. That is the view that prevails in the
underworld, where the
Brotherhood of Man finds its most
logical development and candid
advocacy. To denizens of the midworld the word means good and wise.
RICHES, n.
A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my
beloved son, in
whom I am well pleased."
John D. Rockefeller
The
reward of toil and
virtue.
J.P. Morgan
The
sayings of many in the hands of one.
Eugene Debs
To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels
that he can add nothing of value.
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are
uttered is
devoid of the
dignity of
character distinguishing him who
utters them. It may be
graphic, mimetic or merely rident.
Shaftesbury is quoted as having
pronounced it the test of truth -- a
ridiculous
assertion, for many a
solemn fallacy has undergone
centuries of
ridicule with no abatement of its popular acceptance.
What, for example, has been more valorously derided than the
doctrineof Infant Respectability?
RIGHT, n. Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right
to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have
measles, and the like. The first of these rights was once universally
believed to be derived directly from the will of God; and this is
still sometimes affirmed _in partibus infidelium_ outside the
enlightened realms of Democracy; as the well known lines of Sir
Abednego Bink, following:
By what right, then, do royal rulers rule?
Whose is the
sanction of their state and pow'r?
He surely were as
stubborn as a mule
Who, God
unwilling, could
maintain an hour
His uninvited
session on the
throne, or air
His pride
securely in the Presidential chair.
Whatever is is so by Right Divine;
Whate'er occurs, God wills it so. Good land!
It were a
wondrous thing if His design
A fool could
baffle or a rogue withstand!
If so, then God, I say (intending no offence)
Is
guilty of contributory negligence.
RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A
sturdyvirtue that was once found among the
Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the
peninsula of Oque. Some
feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it
into several European countries, but it appears to have been
imperfectly expounded. An example of this
faultyexposition is found
in the only extant
sermon of the pious Bishop Rowley, a
characteristic
passage from which is here given:
"Now
righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of
mind, nor yet in
performance of religious rites and
obedience to
the letter of the law. It is not enough that one be pious and
just: one must see to it that others also are in the same state;
and to this end
compulsion is a proper means. Forasmuch as my
injustice may work ill to another, so by his
injustice may evil be
wrought upon still another, the which it is as
manifestly" target="_blank" title="ad.明显的">
manifestly my duty
to estop as to forestall mine own tort. Wherefore if I would be
righteous I am bound to
restrain my neighbor, by force if needful,
in all those
injurious enterprises from which, through a better
disposition and by the help of Heaven, I do myself
restrain."
RIME, n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse,
mostly bad. The
verses themselves, as
distinguished from prose,
mostly dull. Usually
(and wickedly) spelled "rhyme."
RIMER, n. A poet regarded with
indifference or disesteem.
The rimer quenches his unheeded fires,
The sound surceases and the sense expires.
Then the
domestic dog, to east and west,
Expounds the passions burning in his breast.
The rising moon o'er that enchanted land
Pauses to hear and yearns to understand.
Mowbray Myles
RIOT, n. A popular
entertainment given to the military by innocent
bystanders.
R.I.P. A
careless abbreviation of _requiescat in pace_,
attesting to
indolent
goodwill to the dead. According to the
learned Dr. Drigge,
however, the letters
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originally meant nothing more than _reductus in
pulvis_.
RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious
ceremony fixed by law, precept
or custom, with the
essential oil of
sincerity carefully squeezed out
of it.
RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear
freedom, keeping off the grass.
ROAD, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is
too
tiresome to be to where it is
futile to go.
All roads, howsoe'er they diverge, lead to Rome,
Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home.
Borey the Bald
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs.
It is
related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling
companion lodged at a
wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive,
and after supper they agreed to tell
robber stories in turn. "Once
there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues." Saying nothing more, he
was encouraged to continue. "That," he said, "is the story."
ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no
allegiance to the God of Things as
They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to
probability, as a
domestic horse to the hitching-post, but in romance
it ranges at will over the entire region of the
imagination -- free,
lawless, immune to bit and rein. Your
novelist is a poor creature, as
Carlyle might say -- a mere
reporter. He may
invent his
characters
and plot, but he must not imagine anything
taking place that might not
occur,
albeit his entire
narrative is candidly a lie. Why he imposes
this hard condition on himself, and "drags at each remove a
lengthening chain" of his own
forging he can explain in ten thick
volumes without illuminating by so much as a candle's ray the black
profound of his own
ignorance of the matter. There are great novels,
for great writers have "laid waste their powers" to write them, but it
remains true that far and away the most
fascinatingfiction that we
have is "The Thousand and One Nights."
ROPE, n. An obsolescent
appliance for reminding assassins that they
too are
mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's
whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex
electrical
device worn upon another part of the person; and this is
rapidly giving place to an
apparatus known as the preachment.
ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In
America, a place from which a
candidate for office energetically
expounds the
wisdom,
virtue and power of the rabble.
ROUNDHEAD, n. A member of the Parliamentarian party in the English