Two Seidlitz powders, one in blue

And one in white, together drew
And having each a pleasant sense

Of t'other powder's excellence,
Forsook their jackets for the snug

Enjoyment of a common mug.
So close their intimacy grew

One paper would have held the two.
To confidences straight they fell,

Less anxious each to hear than tell;
Then each remorsefully confessed

To all the virtues he possessed,
Acknowledging he had them in

So high degree it was a sin.
The more they said, the more they felt

Their spirits with emotion melt,
Till tears of sentiment expressed

Their feelings. Then they effervesced!
So Nature executes her feats

Of wrath on friends and sympathetes
The good old rule who don't apply,

That you are you and I am I.
INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the

gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. The
introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century,

being, indeed, closely related to our political system. Every
American being the equal of every other American, it follows that

everybody has the right to know everybody else, which implies the
right to introduce without request or permission. The Declaration of

Independence should have read thus:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are

created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to

make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an
incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the

liberty to introduce persons to one another without first
ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and

the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of
strangers."

INVENTOR, n. A person who makes an ingeniousarrangement of wheels,
levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
ITCH, n. The patriotism of a Scotchman.

J
J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel --

than which nothing could be more absurd. Its original form, which has
been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and

it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb,
_jacere_, "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the

dog's tail assumes that shape. This is the origin of the letter, as
expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of

Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of
three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the

j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.
JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which

can be lost only if not worth keeping.
JESTER, n. An officer formerly attached to a king's household, whose

business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and
utterances, the absurdity being attested by his motley costume. The

king himself being attired with dignity, it took the world some
centuries to discover that his own conduct and decrees were

sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of
all mankind. The jester was commonly called a fool, but the poets and

romancers have ever delighted to represent him as a singularly wise
and witty person. In the circus of to-day the melancholy ghost of the

court fool effects the dejection of humbler audiences with the same
jests wherewith in life he gloomed the marble hall, panged the

patrician sense of humor and tapped the tank of royal tears.
The widow-queen of Portugal

Had an audacious jester
Who entered the confessional

Disguised, and there confessed her.
"Father," she said, "thine ear bend down --

My sins are more than scarlet:
I love my fool -- blaspheming clown,

And common, base-born varlet."
"Daughter," the mimic priest replied,

"That sin, indeed, is awful:
The church's pardon is denied

To love that is unlawful.
"But since thy stubborn heart will be

For him forever pleading,
Thou'dst better make him, by decree,

A man of birth and breeding."
She made the fool a duke, in hope

With Heaven's taboo to palter;
Then told a priest, who told the Pope,

Who damned her from the altar!
Barel Dort

JEWS-HARP, n. An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with
the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.

JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan
tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition
the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes

and personal service.
K

K is a consonant that we get from the Greeks, but it can be traced
away back beyond them to the Cerathians, a small commercial nation

inhabiting the peninsula of Smero. In their tongue it was called
_Klatch_, which means "destroyed." The form of the letter was

originally precisely that of our H, but the erudite Dr. Snedeker
explains that it was altered to its present shape to commemorate the

destruction of the great temple of Jarute by an earthquake, _circa_
730 B.C. This building was famous for the two lofty columns of its

portico, one of which was broken in half by the catastrophe, the other
remaining intact. As the earlier form of the letter is supposed to

have been suggested by these pillars, so, it is thought by the great
antiquary, its later was adopted as a simple and natural -- not to say

touching -- means of keeping the calamity ever in the national memory.
It is not known if the name of the letter was altered as an additional

mnemonic, or if the name was always _Klatch_ and the destruction one
of nature's pums. As each theory seems probable enough, I see no

objection to believing both -- and Dr. Snedeker arrayed himself on
that side of the question.

KEEP, v.t.
He willed away his whole estate,

And then in death he fell asleep,
Murmuring: "Well, at any rate,

My name unblemished I shall keep."
But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought

Whose was it? -- for the dead keep naught.
Durang Gophel Arn

KILL, v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and

Americans in Scotland.
KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head,"
although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

A king, in times long, long gone by,
Said to his lazy jester: