the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual
love by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the

wounds of an arrow -- of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art
grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work --

this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on
the doorstep of prosperity.

CURIOSITY, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The
desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one

of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
CURSE, v.t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This

is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is
commonly fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a

cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of
life insurance.

CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faultyvision sees things as they are,
not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of

plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
D

DAMN, v. A word formerly much used by the Paphlagonians, the meaning
of which is lost. By the learned Dr. Dolabelly Gak it is believed to

have been a term of satisfaction, implying the highest possible degree
of mental tranquillity. Professor Groke, on the contrary, thinks it

expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight, because it so frequently
occurs in combination with the word _jod_ or _god_, meaning "joy." It

would be with great diffidence that I should advance an opinion
conflicting with that of either of these formidable authorities.

DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably
with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many

kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two
sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously

innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
DANGER, n.

A savage beast which, when it sleeps,
Man girds at and despises,

But takes himself away by leaps
And bounds when it arises.

Ambat Delaso
DARING, n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in

security.
DATARY, n. A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church,

whose important function is to brand the Pope's bulls with the words
_Datum Romae_. He enjoys a princelyrevenue and the friendship of

God.
DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men

prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk
with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then

point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,

not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find
only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the

others who have tried it.
DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period

is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day
improper -- the former devoted to sins of business, the latter

consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity
overlap.

DEAD, adj.
Done with the work of breathing; done

With all the world; the mad race run
Though to the end; the golden goal

Attained and found to be a hole!
Squatol Johnes

DEBAUCHEE, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has
had the misfortune to overtake it.

DEBT, n. An ingenioussubstitute for the chain and whip of the slave-
driver.

As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet
Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet,

Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him,
Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;

So the poor debtor, seeingnaught around him,
Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him,

Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it,
And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

Barlow S. Vode
DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number -- just enough

to permit an intelligentselection for observance, but not enough to
embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the

Decalogue, calculated for this meridian.
Thou shalt no God but me adore:

'Twere too expensive to have more.
No images nor idols make

For Robert Ingersoll to break.
Take not God's name in vain; select

A time when it will have effect.
Work not on Sabbath days at all,

But go to see the teams play ball.
Honor thy parents. That creates

For life insurance lower rates.
Kill not, abet not those who kill;

Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.
Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless

Thine own thy neighbor doth caress
Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete

Successfully in business. Cheat.
Bear not false witness -- that is low --

But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."
Cover thou naught that thou hast not

By hook or crook, or somehow, got.
G.J.

DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences
over another set.

A leaf was riven from a tree,
"I mean to fall to earth," said he.

The west wind, rising, made him veer.
"Eastward," said he, "I now shall steer."

The east wind rose with greater force.
Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course."

With equal power they contend.
He said: "My judgment I suspend."

Down died the winds; the leaf, elate,
Cried: "I've decided to fall straight."

"First thoughts are best?" That's not the moral;
Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel.

Howe'er your choice may chance to fall,
You'll have no hand in it at all.

G.J.
DEFAME, v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack.
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors.

The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it
required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes

of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of
sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days," which is perhaps

why they suffered him to beg his bread -- a marked instance of
returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he

would certainly have starved.
DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from

private station to political preferment.
DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the

Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its
name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man

pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.