Dear patriots, but he has never run."

Apperton Duke
MANES, n. The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. They were in

a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had
exhaled were buried and burned; and they seem not to have been

particularly happy afterward.
MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessantwarfare

between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians
joined the victorious Opposition.

MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the
wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled

down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies
of the original occupants.

MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a
master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

MARTYR, n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a
desired death.

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actualexistence, as distinguished from an
imaginary one. Important.

Material things I know, or fell, or see;
All else is immaterial to me.

Jamrach Holobom
MAUSOLEUM, n. The final and funniest folly of the rich.

MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a
state religion.

ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in
English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the

oppressive. Each is all three.
MEANDER, n. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the

ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of
Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing

when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.
MEDAL, n. A small metal disk given as a reward for virtues,

attainments or services more or less authentic.
It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for

gallantly rescuing a drowning person, that, being asked the meaning of
the medal, he replied: "I save lives sometimes." And sometimes he

didn't.
MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth
while.

M is for Moses,
Who slew the Egyptian.

As sweet as a rose is
The meekness of Moses.

No monument shows his
Post-mortem inscription,

But M is for Moses
Who slew the Egyptian.

_The Biographical Alphabet_
MEERSCHAUM, n. (Literally, seafoam, and by many erroneously supposed

to be made of it.) A fine white clay, which for convenience in
coloring it brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked by the workmen

engaged in that industry. The purpose of coloring it has not been
disclosed by the manufacturers.

There was a youth (you've heard before,
This woeful tale, may be),

Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore
That color it would he!

He shut himself from the world away,
Nor any soul he saw.

He smoke by night, he smoked by day,
As hard as he could draw.

His dog died moaning in the wrath
Of winds that blew aloof;

The weeds were in the gravel path,
The owl was on the roof.

"He's gone afar, he'll come no more,"
The neighbors sadly say.

And so they batter in the door
To take his goods away.

Dead, pipe in mouth, the youngster lay,
Nut-brown in face and limb.

"That pipe's a lovely white," they say,
"But it has colored him!"

The moral there's small need to sing --
'Tis plain as day to you:

Don't play your game on any thing
That is a gamester too.

Martin Bulstrode
MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetoric.

MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercialpursuit. A commercial
pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

MERCY, n. An attributebeloved of detected offenders.
MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage

and asked Incredulity to dinner.
METROPOLIS, n. A stronghold of provincialism.

MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be
screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its
chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature,

the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing
but itself to know itself with. From the Latin _mens_, a fact unknown

to that honest shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor
over the way had displayed the motto "_Mens conscia recti_,"

emblazoned his own front with the words "Men's, women's and children's
conscia recti."

MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility.

In diplomacy and officer sent into a foreign country as the visible
embodiment of his sovereign's hostility. His principal qualification

is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador.
MINOR, adj. Less objectionable.

MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with
a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can

bear.
MIRACLE, n. An act or event out of the order of nature and

unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with
four aces and a king.

MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth.
Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present

signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to
the development of our language.

MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a
felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal

society.
By misdemeanors he essays to climb

Into the aristocracy of crime.
O, woe was him! -- with manner chill and grand

"Captains of industry" refused his hand,
"Kings of finance" denied him recognition

And "railway magnates" jeered his low condition.
He robbed a bank to make himself respected.

They still rebuffed him, for he was detected.
S.V. Hanipur

MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the
foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.
MISS, n. The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate

that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are
the three most distinctlydisagreeable words in the language, in sound

and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In
the general abolition of social titles in this our country they