As if deaf and dumb,

Serene, indifferent and unstirred.
Then all the others turned to him

And scrutinized him limb from limb --
Scanned him alive;

But he seemed to thrive
And tranquiler grow each minute,

As if there were nothing in it.
"What! what!" cried one, "are you not amazed

At what our friend has told?" He raised
Soberly then his eyes and gazed

In a natural way
And proceeded to say,

As he crossed his feet on the mantel-shelf:
"O no -- not at all; I'm a liar myself."

IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues
of to-morrow.

IMPUNITY, n. Wealth.
INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain

kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be
entrusted with, and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of

proceedings before themselves alone. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible
because the person quoted was unsworn and is not before the court for

examination; yet most momentous actions, military, political,
commercial and of every other kind, are daily undertaken on hearsay

evidence. There is no religion in the world that has any other basis
than hearsay evidence. Revelation is hearsay evidence; that the

Scriptures are the word of God we have only the testimony of men long
dead whose identity is not clearly established and who are not known

to have been sworn in any sense. Under the rules of evidence as they
now exist in this country, no single assertion in the Bible has in its

support any evidence admissible in a court of law. It cannot be
proved that the battle of Blenheim ever was fought, that there was

such as person as Julius Caesar, such an empire as Assyria.
But as records of courts of justice are admissible, it can easily

be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were
a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which

certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a
flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it

were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was
ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery

for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human
testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.

INAUSPICIOUSLY, adv. In an unpromising manner, the auspices being
unfavorable. Among the Romans it was customary before undertaking any

important action or enterprise to obtain from the augurs, or state
prophets, some hint of its probableoutcome; and one of their favorite

and most trustworthy modes of divination consisted in observing the
flight of birds -- the omens thence derived being called _auspices_.

Newspaper reporters and certain miscreant lexicographers have decided
that the word -- always in the plural -- shall mean "patronage" or

"management"; as, "The festivities were under the auspices of the
Ancient and Honorable Order of Body-Snatchers"; or, "The hilarities

were auspicated by the Knights of Hunger."
A Roman slave appeared one day

Before the Augur. "Tell me, pray,
If --" here the Augur, smiling, made

A checking gesture and displayed
His open palm, which plainly itched,

For visibly its surface twitched.
A _denarius_ (the Latin nickel)

Successfully allayed the tickle,
And then the slave proceeded: "Please

Inform me whether Fate decrees
Success or failure in what I

To-night (if it be dark) shall try.
Its nature? Never mind -- I think

'Tis writ on this" -- and with a wink
Which darkened half the earth, he drew

Another denarius to view,
Its shining face attentive scanned,

Then slipped it into the good man's hand,
Who with great gravity said: "Wait

While I retire to question Fate."
That holy person then withdrew

His scared clay and, passing through
The temple's rearward gate, cried "Shoo!"

Waving his robe of office. Straight
Each sacredpeacock and its mate

(Maintained for Juno's favor) fled
With clamor from the trees o'erhead,

Where they were perching for the night.
The temple's roof received their flight,

For thither they would always go,
When danger threatened them below.

Back to the slave the Augur went:
"My son, forecasting the event

By flight of birds, I must confess
The auspices deny success."

That slave retired, a sadder man,
Abandoning his secret plan --

Which was (as well the craft seer
Had from the first divined) to clear

The wall and fraudulently seize
On Juno's poultry in the trees.

G.J.
INCOME, n. The natural and rational gauge and measure of

respectability, the commonly accepted standards being artificial,
arbitrary and fallacious; for, as "Sir Sycophas Chrysolater" in the

play has justly remarked, "the true use and function of property (in
whatsoever it consisteth -- coins, or land, or houses, or merchant-

stuff, or anything which may be named as holden of right to one's own
subservience) as also of honors, titles, preferments and place, and

all favor and acquaintance of persons of quality or ableness, are but
to get money. Hence it followeth that all things are truly to be

rated as of worth in measure of their serviceableness to that end; and
their possessors should take rank in agreementthereto, neither the

lord of an unproducing manor, howsoever broad and ancient, nor he who
bears an unremunerate dignity, nor yet the pauper favorite of a king,

being esteemed of level excellency with him whose riches are of daily
accretion; and hardly should they whose wealth is barren claim and

rightly take more honor than the poor and unworthy."
INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly

the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a
meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been

known to wear a moustache.
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two

things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for
one of them, but not enough for both -- as Walt Whitman's poetry and

God's mercy to man. Incompossibility, it will be seen, is only
incompatibility let loose. Instead of such low language as "Go heel

yourself -- I mean to kill you on sight," the words, "Sir, we are
incompossible," would convey and equallysignificant intimation and in

stately courtesy are altogether superior.
INCUBUS, n. One of a race of highly improper demons who, though

probably not whollyextinct, may be said to have seen their best
nights. For a complete account of _incubi_ and _succubi_, including

_incubae_ and _succubae_, see the _Liber Demonorum_ of Protassus
(Paris, 1328), which contains much curious information that would be

out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public
schools.

Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself --
tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women, doubtless --

sometimes plays at _incubus_, greatly to the inconvenience and alarm
of the good dames who wish to be loyal to their marriage vows,