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The Devil's Dictionary-Part33_Ambrose Bierce(1842-1914)_English Literature(文学名著)-第2页

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were cited to appeal by counsel before a civil tribunal, and after

testimony, argument and condemnation, if they continued _in



contumaciam_ the matter was taken to a high ecclesiastical court,

where they were solemnly excommunicated and anathematized. In a



street of Toledo, some pigs that had wickedly run between the

viceroy's legs, upsetting him, were arrested on a warrant, tried and



punished. In Naples and ass was condemned to be burned at the stake,

but the sentence appears not to have been executed. D'Addosio relates



from the court records many trials of pigs, bulls, horses, cocks,

dogs, goats, etc., greatly, it is believed, to the betterment of their



conduct and morals. In 1451 a suit was brought against the leeches

infesting some ponds about Berne, and the Bishop of Lausanne,



instructed by the faculty of Heidelberg University, directed that some

of "the aquatic worms" be brought before the local magistracy. This



was done and the leeches, both present and absent, were ordered to

leave the places that they had infested within three days on pain of



incurring "the malediction of God." In the voluminous records of this

_cause celebre_ nothing is found to show whether the offenders braved



the punishment, or departedforthwith out of that inhospitable

jurisdiction.



TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian



physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as

trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need and



immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork

every other day."



"Pork?" shrieked the patient -- "pork? Nothing shall induce me to

touch it!"



"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.

"I swear it!"



"Good! -- then I will undertake to cure you."

TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches,



three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one. Subordinate

deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not



dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually

their clames to adoration and propitiation. The Trinity is one of the



most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. In rejecting it because

it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of



theological fundamentals. In religion we believe only what we do not

understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that



contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the

former as a part of the latter.



TROGLODYTE, n. Specifically, a cave-dweller of the paleolithic

period, after the Tree and before the Flat. A famous community of



troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony

consisted of "every one that was in distress, and every one that was



in debt, and every one that was discontented" -- in brief, all the

Socialists of Judah.



TRUCE, n. Friendship.

TRUTH, n. An ingeniouscompound of desirability and appearance.



Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the

most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of



existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.



TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporationcomposed in

greater part of thriftyworking men, widows of small means, orphans in



the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors

and public enemies.



TURKEY, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious

anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and






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