as Dr. Mary Walker and other reformers have done with their coattails
in our own day -- an evidence that r
evolutions sometimes go backward.
HANGMAN, n. An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest
dignity and
utmostgravity, and held in
hereditary disesteem by a
populace having a
criminal ancestry. In some of the American States
his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey,
where executions by
electricity have recently been ordered -- the
first
instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the
expediency of
hanging Jerseymen.
HAPPINESS, n. An
agreeablesensation arising from contemplating the
misery of another.
HARANGUE, n. A speech by an
opponent, who is known as an harrangue-
outang.
HARBOR, n. A place where ships
taking shelter from stores are exposed
to the fury of the customs.
HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now
extinct, who came from
Europe in the
beginning of the last century and were
distinguished for
the
bitterness of their
internal controversies and dissensions.
HASH, x. There is no
definition for this word -- nobody knows what
hash is.
HATCHET, n. A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk.
"O bury the
hatchet, irascible Red,
For peace is a blessing," the White Man said.
The Savage concurred, and that
weapon interred,
With
imposing rites, in the White Man's head.
John Lukkus
HATRED, n. A
sentimentappropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
HEAD-MONEY, n. A capitation tax, or poll-tax.
In ancient times there lived a king
Whose tax-collectors could not wring
From all his subjects gold enough
To make the royal way less rough.
For pleasure's
highway, like the dames
Whose premises
adjoin it, claims
Perpetual repairing. So
The tax-collectors in a row
Appeared before the
throne to pray
Their master to
devise some way
To swell the
revenue. "So great,"
Said they, "are the demands of state
A tithe of all that we collect
Will scarcely meet them. Pray reflect:
How, if one-tenth we must resign,
Can we exist on t'other nine?"
The
monarch asked them in reply:
"Has it occurred to you to try
The
advantage of economy?"
"It has," the
spokesman said: "we sold
All of our gray garrotes of gold;
With plated-ware we now compress
The necks of those whom we assess.
Plain iron forceps we employ
To mitigate the miser's joy
Who hoards, with greed that never tires,
That which your Majesty requires."
Deep lines of thought were seen to plow