Episode 01.14 - Love Is In The Air

Mr. Shaw: If it turns out that someone hurt her, I want them dead.

Gabrielle: I'm running out of money. In a couple of weeks, I will be screwed.

Mr. Hartley: In that case, you might want to think about looking for a job.

Yao Lin: Huh!

Bree: If you could just tell me what he told you, then I could fix the problem.

Dr. Goldfine: I can't do that.

Mary Alice (tape) d the nightmare again.

Dr. Goldfine: What do you think the significance of the name Angela is?

Mary Alice (tape)

Zach: She hasn't even been dead a month, and it's like you totally forgot she ever existed.

Susan: Zach was telling Julie about what happened to Dana.

Paul: He didn't mean to kill Dana.

[Lynette's House]

(Lynette holds baby Penny up into the air, then brings her close, hugging her. As she turns, she sees her three boys hold up a box with red tissue paper and pink hearts glued haphazardly on it. They grin as they hold it towards her and she stares at it in confusion.)

(Flashback to Lynette hanging up a drawing on the refrigerator, then turning to her boys, who are grinning.)

(Flashback to Lynette hanging on the wall a popsicle stick box, then turning to look at her boys, who grin at her.)

(Flashback to Lynette putting on a homemadenecklace.)

(In present time, Lynette opens the box the boys gave her and pulls out a potted plant, in a beautiful pot.)

Lynette: "Where did you guys get this pot?"

Twin: "We made it!"

Lynette: "Really? I love it. Well, this is the nicest present you boys had ever given me, and you know what? I'm gonna put it out on the front porch so the whole neighborhood can enjoy it"

(She sniffs the flowers. Cut to Lynette putting the pot on the front porch.)

(The next day, Lynette looks out her window and sees an older woman looking at the pot. She picks it up, checks the bottom, and then walks off with it. Lynette runs out of the house after her.)

Lynette: "Mrs. McCluskey, why are you taking my flower pot?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "Because it's mine. Your boys stole it off of my porch."

Lynette: "No, no, no. My sons made that for me for Valentine's Day."

Mrs. McCluskey: "I bought this in Costa Rica on my last cruise. You see?"

(She turns it upside down. The flowering plant falls with a thump onto the ground.)

Mrs. McCluskey: "Still got the price tag on it."

(She points to the price painted on the bottom.)

Mrs. McCluskey: "Look. What? Nothing more to say? Cat got your tongue? You listen to me. Keep your brats off my property."

(She walks off.)

(Lynette turns back to her house, where her three boys are watching. When they catch her eye, they rush inside and close the door.)

Credits

[Gabrielle's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "It was the day before Valentine's Day and every man on Wisteria Lane was preparing for this most dangerous of holidays. While some purchased romantic cards..."

(Carlos sits on a chair, signing his name to a card.)

[Bree's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...and some brought home candy and flowers..."

Rex walks quietly into the house, holding a large box of candy and flowers and quickly puts them in a hall closet.

Mike's House

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...and some made dinner reservations at fancy restaurants..."

(Mike talks on the phone.)

[Lynette's House]

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...others managed to forget about the day entirely. Again."

(Tom walks past a calendar and notices that the date for Valentine's Day has been circled. He stares at it in panic, then rushes out the house and gets into his car.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "This flurry of activity was lost on the women of Wisteria Lane. They were busy learning a secret about their neighbors. A secret that was positively heart-breaking."

[Gabrielle's House]

(The four women sit on Gabrielle's porch, sipping drinks.)

Gabrielle: "So Paul said that Zachary killed Dana?"

Susan: "Yeah."

Bree: "Well, it must've been some sort of accident. I mean little boys don't just kill their baby sisters."

Susan: "Well, whatever it was, that boy is seriously disturbed, and I've forbidden Julie from hanging out with him."

Lynette (to Bree): "Could you hold her?"

(Lynette hands Bree baby Penny.)

Lynette: "So this is it! This is the secret that Mary Alice was trying to protect"

Bree: "Look at the guilt that she must've lived with."

Gabrielle: "You know, I never thought I'd say this but I kind of feel sorry for Paul."

Susan: "I wish I could. I still feel like something's not right."

Gabrielle: "What do you mean?"

Susan: "Well, we've all been in their house. Have you ever seen a picture of another kid there? I mean, why keep Dana's baby blanket and throw out all the photos?"

Lynette: "That's a good point."

Susan: "We've never answered why Mary Alice referred to herself as Angela in that therapy session."

Bree: "All I know is this: Mary Alice loved Zach more than anything in the world. When you love a child that much..."

Lynette: "You're capable of doing all sorts of things."

Bree: "Yeah."

[Paul's House]

(Paul slowly washes dishes in the sink when there's a knock at the door and Felicia Tilman walks in holding a basket of flowers with balloons attached.)

Felicia: "Hello. These were delivered to my house by mistake. May I? They're for Mary Alice Young."

Paul: "Oh my god. I uh, had a standing order with the florist. I forgot to cancel it. Mary Alice was my wife. She passed away a few months ago."

Felicia: "I'm very sorry for your loss."

Paul: "And I'm sorry for yours."

Felicia: "Pardon?"

Paul: "Your sister. Martha?"

Felicia: "Oh, yes. Her."

(She looks past Paul and sees a photo of Mary Alice and Zach on the wall.)

Felicia: "Good lord, that's Angela."

Paul: "What?"

Felicia: "Angela Forest! We worked together in Utah. It must be 15 years ago."

Paul: "I'm afraid you're mistaken. My wife's name is Mary Alice and she's never been to Utah."

Felicia: "Well, I could be mistaken. As I said it's, it's been years."

(She leaves.)

[Gabrielle's House]

(Gabrielle tosses some earrings into a heart-shaped bowl as she talks on the phone.)

Gabrielle: "No, Mikki, you're wrong. I wasn't acting like a diva. I left the boat show because that coordinator was making passes at me. It's not my fault.

(She turns around and speaks to Yao Lin, who's scrubbing the floor behind her.)

Gabrielle: "Yao Lin? You missed a spot. No, spare me the lecture and just book me another job quick. Carlos and I are up to our asses in bills and we can't pay them. Fine. Bye."

(Yao Lin, still on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor, begins talking in Chinese:"哈,开除了三次,哈,她还以为自己很了不起呢.")

Gabrielle: "What did you say?"

Yao Lin: "Nothing."

Gabrielle: "Are you gonna clean that spot?"

Yao Lin: "Which one?"

Gabrielle: "The one I told you to clean."

Yao Lin: "I'll get to it."

Gabrielle: "Clean it now."

Yao Lin: "Why?"

Gabrielle: "Because I said so."

Yao Lin: "Okay, but you've got to say please."

Gabrielle: "Fine. Please."

(She turns back around and Yao Lin smiles.)

Gabrielle: "Anything to get you back on your knees scrubbing where you belong."

(Yao Lin stands up.)

Yao Lin: "You are not better than me."

Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"

Yao Lin: "The only reason you have anything in your life is because you're pretty. One day you'll be old, and when that happens you'll be nothing."

Gabrielle: "You are so fired."

Yao Lin: "No kidding."

(She walks off.)

[Outside Mike's House]

(Hands open up an envelope and pull out a Valentine's Day card.)

Susan: "Ooh. Valentine's Day card. It's pretty."

(Pull back to show Susan and Mike sitting on Mike's front steps. Mike holds the card with Susan looking over his shoulder.)

Susan: "And meticulously hand painted. Whoever sent you that must really love you."

(Mike opens the card. Inside it reads: "Dear Mike, Be Mine! Love, Susan ♥" )

Susan: "...and be loaded with talent."

Mike: "It's beautiful. Thanks."

Susan: "So we still on for tomorrow night?"

Mike: "Oh. Not only are we on, I got reservations at Le Petit Fleur."

Susan: "Ooh. That place is so pretentious. I've been dying to go there."

(They laugh.)

(From across the street, they hear Lynette call out.)

Lynette: "Boys! Get your little fannies inside. Guys?"

Susan: "Oh, poor Lynette. She doesn't get a new nanny soon, she's gonna implode."

(Mike looks off to the side and then shushes Susan. He gets up and goes around the side of the house. He sees the three boys, who are hiding next to the house. )

Mike: "Hey guys. Who you hiding from?"

Twin: "Our mom. She wants to spank us."

Mike: "Why, did you do something bad?"

(They all nod.)

Mike: "Well, you know if you hide out too long she'll get worried and then she'll just get madder. You know what I say? Go on home, take your lumps. Decent chance you'll have the rest of the day to play."

(Susan, watching from the corner of the house, smiles.)

(The boys look convinced and nod.)

Mike: "Come on, climb aboard. All right!"

(One of the twins jumps on his back for a piggy-back ride, and the others follow. As he walks them past Susan, she comments.)

Susan: "Pretty impressive."

Mike: "Oh, I love kids, Can't wait to have my own some day."

(Susan, following behind them, suddenly trips and falls to the ground.)

[Lynette's]

(At the kitchen table, Lynette moves three Valentine's Day cards off to the side and then begins laying down various objects: a thorny rose, a hard-backed hairbrush, a ping pong paddle, a metal spatula, a long metal ruler, and a belt.)

Twin: "We don't want to get spanked."

Twin: "Yeah, we promise we'll be good."

Lynette: "Too late, you stole and then you lied. Even worse? You made me look bad in front of Mrs. McCluskey, who you know is mommy's sworn enemy. Time to pick your poison. How 'bout a belt? It's a classic."

(The boys shake their heads no.)

Lynette: "Well, we could go with the old hickory stick. It's a cliché, but it's pretty effective. I know, we'll go with the spatula. The holes give it less wind resistance. Moves faster."

(The boys all shout out "No!" to her.)

Lynette: "Guys, guys, guys, hey, my hands are tied. Thieves get spanked. Just the way it works. Unless..."

Twin: "Unless what?"

Lynette: "For a first time offense, if you swear, cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again, and you write Mrs. McCluskey a letter of apology, I will let it slide."

(The boys nod their heads vigorously and promise to swear. Lynette reaches down to the chair next to her and pulls out pads of paper and pens, which she hands to the boys.)

Lynette: "All right, start with 'Dear Mrs. McCluskey.'"

Twin: "Mommy, why are you smiling?"

Lynette: "Do you know what physiological warfare means?"

Twin: "No."

Lynette: "Well, too bad for you. Okay, start with a big em, little c. Good."

[Dr. Goldfine's Office]

(Bree stands by the window, playing with the necklace she's wearing.)

Bree: "Rex and I are hosting a dinner party for ten next week. We're using our best china and serving duck."

Dr. Goldfine: "So, you and Rex are a couple again?"

Bree: "Yes. You know that's one of the things I hated most about our separation. Not being able to throw dinner parties. There's just something so civilized and elegant about them, don't you think?"

Dr. Goldfine: "I take it you've resolved your feelings about his infidelity?"

Bree: "Let's just say that I put them in an imaginary box and don't plan on looking at them for a while."

Dr. Goldfine: "Do you think that's the healthiest way to achieve a reconciliation?"

Bree: "Well, it won't be easy at first. There'll be a lot of forced smiles and perfunctory love making, but after a few decades whiz by I'm sure I'll find a way to forgive him."

Dr. Goldfine: "Well, as long as you have a plan."

Bree: "I do want to forgive him Doctor Goldfine, but, there's something he's still not telling me."

Dr. Goldfine: "Really?"

Bree: "I think it has something to do with why he had the affair."

Dr. Goldfine: "Have you confronted him?"

Bree: "Once, and you should've seen the look in his eyes. He was terrified that I'll figure it out. You know what it is, don't you?"

Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, I can't discuss other patients."

Bree: "I realize that. This thing that he's hiding, is it bad?"

(Dr. Goldfine looks down.)

Bree: "Oh, okay, um, maybe it's better that I don't know."

Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, how does this reconciliation have a chance if the two of you can't be honest about the innermost parts of your lives?"

Bree: "We're, um, WASPs, Doctor Goldfine. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best."

Dr. Goldfine: "You'd settle for that? A life filled with repression and denial?"

Bree: "And the dinner parties. Don't forget the dinner parties."

[Mattress Store]

(The bald owner of the store walks Gabrielle around the store, pointing out various mattress styles.)

Siesta King: "And uh, over there you got your queens and, uh, your quad spring series, and your deluxe one thousands. All the way to the imperial paradise. Sweet racket huh?"

Gabrielle: "Mm."

Siesta King: "I swear sometimes I wake up in the morning and I can't believe I'm the Siesta King. Except for how I am."

Gabrielle: "Very impressive. So, where does the photographer want me for the shoot?"

Siesta King: "Uh, didn't your agent tell you? There's no shoot?"

Gabrielle: "Well, then what did you hire me for?"

(Cut to Gabrielle lying seductively on one of the mattresses as the voice over of the "Siesta King" is heard.)

Siesta King: "You've heard the expression sex sales? That's where you come in. You're here to remind people that there's a lot of fun things they can do on a Siesta King mattress that don't involve sleep. Get it?"

(As Gabrielle lies on the bed in a sexy negligee, various customers appear throughout the day around the bed.)

(Two teenage boys stand at the end of the bed and wave at her...Gabrielle lies on the edge of the bed as a very obese man lies next to her...Gabrielle lies in the middle as two butch-looking women lie on either side of her.)

[Lynette's House]

(Lynette begins putting laundry into the washer.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: "It is often said that good fences make good neighbors..."

The front door slams and Lynette turns to see what's happening.

Mary Alice Voiceover:"...but as Lynette was about to discover, the fence might just need a little barbed wire, if the neighbor is Mrs. McCluskey."

(Mrs. McCluskey walks up the stairs in Lynette's house.)

Lynette: "Hey."

(Mrs. McCluskey is in the twins room, lifting their mattresses and pillows and generally looking around.)

Lynette: "Hey, what do you think you are doing? Get out of here."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Your little criminals snuck into my house and stole my wall clock."

Lynette: "What?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "It was a hand-painted purple and white wall clock. My son made it."

Lynette: "Are you sure you didn't misplace it? You're getting up there in years, no offense, but you probably forget where you put things."

Mrs. McCluskey: "No offense, but you should be sterilized."

Lynette: "Look, my boys do not break into people's houses. Sure, they may have stolen your flower pot, but you know they apologized for that."

Mrs. McCluskey: "They wrote a note. That's the coward's way out. They should've come over and apologized in person."

Lynette: "You know what? This has been fun but now - "

Mrs. McCluskey: "You let those boys run wild! Toys all over the yard, there're bikes laying out in the street. It's a disgrace."

Lynette: "Get out of my house!"

Mrs. McCluskey: "Those boys would've been better off raised by wolves. God knows they would've been cleaner."

(She leaves the room and Lynette throws a pillow after her. It hits the door.)

[Bree's House]

(Bree sits in a living room chair, sewing. Rex sits on the couch, reading a book.

Bree: "Valentine's Day is tomorrow."

Rex: "I know. I already bought your gifts."

Bree: "Roses and English toffee?"

Rex: "Mmm hmm. Just like always."

Bree: "Yes. And I suppose we'll make love tomorrow night, too."

Rex: "That is our little tradition."

Bree: "Good. I'm looking forward to it. Are you looking forward to it?"

Rex: "What?"

Bree: "Well, it's just that I know that I don't please you sexually, so I was wondering if you really were looking forward to being with me."

Rex: "Oh, for god's sake."

Bree: "I'm sorry, Rex. I thought I could pretend that this doesn't upset me anymore, but I can't."

Rex: "Please don't do this."

Bree: "You had an affair. You went to another woman for sex to give you something I couldn't. At least have the decency to tell me what that something is."

Rex: "Bree, I can't."

Bree: "Why not? Rex, please tell me. Let me prove to you how much I love you."

Rex: "I like to be dominated."

Bree: "Huh?"

Rex: "Sexually."

Bree: "Huh?"

Rex: "Never mind."

Bree: "Rex, please, I want to understand."

(Later, Rex and Bree sit on the couch, watching the TV, from which the sounds of a man pleading are heard.)

Man on TV: "Please, mistress, no!"

Woman on TV: "Quiet, slave."

(The sound of a slap is heard. )

Man on TV: "Yes, mistress, yes, yes."

Woman on TV: "Turn your head. Don't look at me."

Man on TV: "But, mistress!"

Woman on TV: "On your knees now. Right now! Tighten your cuffs."

Man on TV: "Yes, mistress."

Woman on TV: "Do it now."

Man on TV: "Yes."

Woman on TV: "Head down."

Man on TV: "Yes. Ow! Yes! Ow! Yes!"

Woman on TV: "Place the nightstick in your mouth."

Man on TV: "Yes, mistress."

Woman on TV: "Tight."

Man on TV: "Yes!"

(As they watch, from opposite sides of the couch, Rex looks alternately turned on and uncomfortable. Bree alternates her gaze between the TV and Rex, looking at him in shock.)

(Rex pauses the video and turns to Bree.)

Rex: "Well?"

Bree: "What the hell did your mother do to you?"

Rex: "What?"

Bree: "Well, come on, this just reeks of unresolved childhood trauma."

Rex: "This has nothing to do with my mother, Bree, this is a preference."

Bree: "It's a perversion."

Rex: "For god's sake, you promised to be supportive."

Bree: "What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?"

Rex: "I want you to say you'll try it. Just, just once"

Bree: "Try what? Hurting you? You actually want me to hurt you?"

Rex: "So I can feel pleasure, yes."

Bree: "Fine."

(She slaps him across the face as hard as she can.)

Bree: "So? Was it good for you too?"

(She gets up and leaves.)

[Susan's House]

(Susan walks into Julie's bedroom, holding some clothes on hangers, which she puts in Julie's closet. Julie, typing on her laptop, closes it, and looks over at Susan.)

Susan: "Mike wants babies."

Julie: "What?"

Susan: "He wants to have kids, and he had that look that men get that says 'I'm ready to procreate, point me to the nearest cervix'."

Julie: "And I take it this is a problem?"

Susan: "Oh, I can't have another baby. I mean I'm so grateful I had you, you know I don't regret a minute of that, but I found it to be completely overwhelming. Sometimes I even wonder how I got through it."

Julie: "You and me both. So, have you told Mike how you feel?"

Susan: "Oh, I can't tell him. This could be a deal breaker. Julie, I really love him. I don't want to lose him."

Julie: "Maybe you're overreacting. I bet he'd rather have you than a baby."

Susan: "What if he doesn't?"

Julie: "Then that's something you need to know."

[Outside, Wisteria Lane]

Mary Alice Voiceover: "Susan shouldn't have been so worried. Children were the last thing on Mike's mind. He was too busy searching for answers in all the wrong places."

(Mike knocks on various neighbors doors, showing them a picture of Deirdre and asking them questions. He knocks on the door of one house, and when nobody answers, he goes around the back, where he puts on a black glove, then picks the lock to get in.)

(Once inside, he searches through papers and bookcases, finding nothing. He opens up doors, looking inside the rooms as he searches.)

(He comes to one door, opens it, and behind it is an older gentleman, shakily holding a gun straight at Mike.)

Mike: "Please..."

(The gun goes off, hitting Mike, who runs down the hallway, through the kitchen, outside, and gets into his car. The man shoots after him, but doesn't hit him.)

(Once in the car, Mike looks down at his stomach, where a bullet hole is bleeding. He drives off.)

[Mike's House]

(A picture of Mike and Deirdre sits on the coffee table on top of the maps of Wisteria Lane that Mike had. Both bloody and clean gauze lie on the table and a pair of clamps are placed on the table as well.)

(Mike lies on the couch while a man stitches him up.)

Man: "You got lucky: didn't hit anything major. Noah's getting impatient."

Mike: "Well, you can tell Noah I'm getting closer."