1X19: LIVE ALONE AND LIKE IT

Original Airdate on ABC: 17-APR-2005

Recap

[INT: Meyer House-Kitchen -Day]

Julie: Grandma's here.

(Off Susan's oh no' look)

[EXT: Wisteria Lane-Outside Meyer House-Day]

(Off Sophie's oops look)

[INT: Solis House - Living Room -Day]

Carlos: It's called a post nuptial agreement.

[INT: Solis House -Dining Room -Day]

Gabrielle: I'm not signing this.

(Struggle/ screams as Carlos forces Gabrielle to sign the post-nup.)

Gabrielle: Stop, you're hurting me.

[INT: John's Apartment-Entrance-Day]

John: Mrs. Solis, what are you doing here?

[INT: Delfino House-Living Room-Day]

(Mike is looking at a photograph of him and Deirdre when they were younger.)

[EXT: Wisteria Lane -Outside Delfino House -Day]

(Police arrest Mike, cuffing him on his car.)

Deirdre's Dad (Noah): People leave trails, one of those trails will lead to Deirdre. I'm not taking my money to the grave, I'm going to use it to save your ass.

[INT : Restaurant -Night]

(Mike and Noah sit having coffee and have a meeting about Deirdre.)

[EXT: Kamp Hennessey -Counseling Centre -Day]

(Andrew closes the door as Bree hesitantly waves to him.)

[INT: Kamp Hennessey-Counseling Centre-Day]

Rex: Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay.

(Shots of Andrew, Bree and Rex looking uncomfortable.)

End of Recap

[INT: Scavo House -Kitchen -Day]

(Lynette pulls the garbage out of the bin with a sigh, carries it through the house to the window.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Every morning as she went to take out the trash, Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream . The details of which were always the same.

[EXT: Wisteria Lane-Outside Mrs. McClusky's House-Day]

(Lynette looks out the window towards the other side of the street, Mrs. McClusky's house. Mrs. McClusky is in her garden watering her plants with a hose. All of a sudden Mrs. McClusky falls over, stiff as a board, spraying the water as she falls. Dead.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: One day her nasty neighbour Karen McClusky would keel over and die. And her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family, with two adorable twin daughters.

(A moving truck pulls up outside Mrs. McClusky's house. As it pulls off we see a perfect blond family: mom, dad and two little girls. All waving across the street to Lynette. The Scavo family and the Swedish family walk into the street where they all shake hands and become firm friends.)

[INT: Church -Day]

(Shots of a joined wedding, with the two proud moms gushing at each other.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: The families would form an everlasting friendship, culminating in their daughters marrying her sons at an elaborate wedding-the Scavos would not have to pay for.

[INT :Scavo House -Living Room-Day]

(Off Lynette smiling at the happiness in her daydream)

[EXT: Scavo House-Day]

(Lynette has the look on her face that says 'Oh, not again'.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream, but Mrs McClusky always had a way of pulling her back to reality.

[EXT: Wisteria Lane -Outside Scavo House -Day]

(Mrs. McClusky is awkwardly carrying two dustbins across the street from the Scavo house. Lynette chases after her.)

Lynette: Hey hey hey. HEY! Why are you stealing my garbage cans?

Mrs. McClusky: Garbage pickup was two days ago. These cans have been on the street ever since. I just assumed you didn't want 'em anymore.

Lynette: Oh, that's cute. That's great. Here, Give them here.

(Lynette put her rubbish in her bins, takes them off Mrs. McClusky and walks back towards her house)

Mrs. McClusky: It's bad enough we have to stare at the god awful colour you painted the house, we shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end.

Lynette: You want to talk about good neighbour etiquette, how about you hire a gardener to take care of that jungle you call a lawn.

Mrs. McClusky: I am on a fixed income.

Lynette: Then why don't you think about moving somewhere less expensive? Like a nursing home?

Mrs. McClusky: Go to Hell.

(Mrs. McClusky waves her arm dismissively of Lynette. Walks away)

Lynette: Run by Germans. Hmm?

(Lynette turns around to put the bins down. When she turns back, she sees Mrs McClusky, bending over, slowly falling to the ground & taken ill.)

Lynette: And you know-Mrs. McClusky?

(Runs across the street, worried about her neighbour.)

Lynette: Mrs. McClusky, are you alright?

(Not knowing really what to do, she goes to open the door to let her inside,)

Lynette: I'll get the door.

(But by this point, Mrs McClusky is facing down on the floor and in obvious need of medical attention.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: For a brief moment Lynette was presented with an interesting choice of options.

(Lynette looks up from Mrs McClusky trying to decide what to do, and sees the perfect Swedish family waiting by the moving truck.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: And even though she knew she'd hate herself in the morning, Lynette chose to do the right thing.

(Lynette takes out her mobile phone and calls an ambulance.)

[EXT: Wisteria Lane-Back of Ambulance -Day]

(Mrs McClusky is strapped on to a gurney and placed into the back of the ambulance.)

Mrs McClusky: Lynette, where are they taking me?

Lynette: You're going to the hospital, Mrs McClusky. You're going to be fine.

Mrs McClusky: Well, I don't want to go alone. Come with me.

Lynette (trying to get out of going with her): Well, these are trained technicians and I've got a roast in the-freezer.

Mrs McClusky: Please, I'm scared.

Lynette: Yeah, I'll come with you. Here I am.

(Climbs into the ambulance)

Mrs McClusky: Thank you.

(Reaches out to hold Lynette's hand)

Mrs McClusky: If I die I don't want it to be with strangers.

Lynette: You're not going to die.

(Mrs McClusky drops Lynette's hand.)

Mrs McClusky: How can you be so sure?

Mary Alice Voiceover: Of course Lynette didn't respond. How could she tell her neighbour that some dreams are just too beautiful to come true?

(The ambulance pulls off -as Lynette looks out the back window to the perfect Swedish family sadly waving good bye to her.)

Opening Credits

[EXT :graveyard -Day]

(Noah sitting on a bench in the cemetery. Holding a photograph of Deirdre and rubbing a rosary in silent prayer.)

Mary Alice Voiceover: Life is a journey. One that is much better travelled with a companion by our side. But sometimes we lose our companions along the way and then the journey becomes unbearable .

(Mike walks up to Noah.)

Mike: Noah, I didn't know you were a religious man. What's with the rosary?

Noah: They found Deirdre.

Mike (shocked): What?

Noah: Her body had been stuffed inside a toy chest. Can you believe that? A kids toy chest? She's been dismembered .

(Noah is fighting not to cry. Mike sits down with him)

Mike: My god.

Noah: The cops ID'd her from her dental records. She's been dead 15 years. All that time I was looking for her and she was already gone.

Mike: I'm so sorry.

Noah: I have to bury my baby,

(Noah stands up and looks around.)

Noah: I came out here to figure out what kind of tombstone to get her.

Mike: You shouldn't be doing this now. Let's get you home.

Noah: There's a cop I want you to talk to-

Mike: A cop?

(Mike is unsure about what he's being asked to do.)

Noah: His name is Sullivan. I paid him to take the heat off you for your neighbour's murder. He'll get you the file on Deirdre's case. Apparently they have some leads.

[EXT: Kamp Hennessey-Outside Counseling Centre -Day]

Rex: I don't know. I think we may be making a huge mistake.

Bree: We made our decision, let's just stick to it.

Rex: I say we leave him here three more weeks. What's the worst that could happen?

Bree: Our son has just told us that he might be gay. There are two hundred other boys in this Kamp. Now I could explain to you what might happen if we left him here, but I'm a lady and I don't use that kind of language.

(Both sigh, and they stand up and start to walk.)

Rex: Now I bet we're worrying ourselves sick about nothing, this is probably just a phase.

Bree: Exactly. So we'll get him home, we'll get him into Christian counseling so it won't become a lifestyle.

Rex: Well, whatever's going on with him, he's still our son and we love him.

Bree (outraged): Why would you say that to me?

Rex: Because it's obvious how freaked out you are by the whole gay thing.

Bree: I may be freaked out. But that doesn't change how I feel about him.

Rex: I'm just saying. Be cool.

(Rex turns to look at the opening door.)

Bree: I can be just as cool as you can.

Rex: Alright.

(Andrew walks out, looking unsure. Rex goes to shake his hand, but pulls him into a bear hug.)

Rex: It'll be nice to have you back.

Bree: Andrew, I would love you even if you were a murderer.

(Hugs him for a long time whilst Rex and Andrew share looks of 'Is she serious' behind her back.)

[EXT: Wisteria Lane -Outside Scavo House- Day]

(Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette are sitting outside gossiping, while Lynette jiggles the baby in her pram. One of the twins comes running up.)

Porter: Mommy, the line's not moving.

(Susan looks behind Porter to see a queue of children at the ice cream van. She sees her mother at the van's window flirting with the ice cream man.)

Susan: Oh, for Pete's sake.

(Susan gets up to go and stop her mother.)

(Sophie and the ice cream man are laughing and flirting.)

Susan: (tries to get her mother's attention) Mom. Mom.

Sophie: What?

Susan: The kids are waiting.

Sophie: Oh, honey, Hector here teaches salsa dancing at the community centre.

Hector (ice cream man): I give private lessons too.

Sophie: Oh, I bet you do.

(Susan pulls her mother away from the van.)

Susan: Mom, would you please not flirt with the ice cream man.

Sophie: Why not?

Susan: Do you need a reason beyond the fact he's the ice cream man?

Sophie: It's called moving on with your life.

Susan: You just broke up with Morty two weeks ago. Don't you think you could at least pretend to mourn the relationship.

Sophie: You are such a stick in the mud. We should be out there having fun. I know what we can do tonight. (gets really excited)We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys.

Susan: Mom!

Sophie: I'll say I'm 42 and you can be 28.

(Susan looks at her incredulously, like she can't believe what she's hearing.)

Sophie: What? Oh, you can pull it off .

[EXT: Scavo House-Doorway-Day]

(Lynette opens the front door and is surprised to see her neighbour.)

Lynette: Mrs McClusky, You're back from the hospital already?

Mrs McClusky: It turns out I OD'd a little bit on my arthritis medication. One pill, I can open a jar, four pills. I'm face-down fighting for my life. You'll find out about that soon enough.

Lynette: Huh, well, I'm glad to hear you're alright.

Mrs McClusky: Here, it's my way of saying thank you for not letting me die out there on the lawn.

Lynette: Oh, Mrs McClusky, you don't have to.

Mrs McClusky: Keep it, it's genuine Tiffany . Been in my family for years.

Lynette: I don't know what to say. It's stunning. Thank you.

(Mrs McClusky reaches across the threshold to give Lynette a big hug. Lynette looks like she doesn't quite believe what's happening.)

Lynette: I'd invite you in but-

Mrs McClusky: Well, I wanted to tell you what my doctor said. It seems the arthritis is the least of my problems. See, I have this skin tag, or at least I thought it was a skin tag, but it turns out it might be more serious..

[INT: Solis House -Bedroom -Night]

(Carlos walks towards the bed. Gabrielle is reading a magazine and puts her foot on his chest to stop him coming any closer.)

Gabrielle: What do you think you are doing?

Carlos: Please, I can't sleep in the den anymore. I need to sleep in a bed.

Gabrielle: Well, you might want to try a motel, because you're not coming back in here.

(Gabrielle takes her foot down and goes back to the magazine.)

Carlos: How many times have I got to say I'm sorry?

Gabrielle: Obviously a few more.

Carlos: I'm not proud of what I did. I admit I was way out of line.

Gabrielle: If you want back in this bed you know what to do.

Carlos: I'm not tearing up the post-nup.

Gabrielle: Why not?

Carlos: 'Cos it's the one way I can be sure you'll be here when I get out of jail.

Gabrielle: Well, then have fun at the motel.

(Gabrielle turns away from him to read the magazine.)

Carlos: Fine. Tomorrow I'm cancelling your credit cards.

Gabrielle: What?

Carlos: And I'm taking away your ATM as well.

Gabrielle: What am I supposed to do for money?

Carlos: Maybe once you see how good you've got it here, you'll treat me with a little respect.

(Gabrielle gets up on her knees to be able to look Carlos in the eyes.)

Gabrielle: You want my respect? Then tear up the post nup!

Carlos: Give me my pillow.

Gabrielle: One more thing. If you ever hurt me again, I WILL kill you.

Carlos: If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you.

Gabrielle (sarcastic): Boy, with all this passion, isn't it too bad we're not having sex?

(Carlos walks away.)

[INT: John's Apartment -Living Room -Day]

(John is kissing his way up Gabrielle's arm. Gabrielle doesn't quite seem into it.)

Gabrielle: I feel trapped.

John: You want me to open a window?

Gabrielle: No, I'm talking about my life.

John: Oh. So are we done making out?

(She realises what he's proposing.)

Gabrielle: No no, keep going.

(John goes back to kissing her neck and shoulder.)

John: So what's up?

Gabrielle: I'm unhappy. Carlos and my marriage. I don't have options and it's driving me crazy. Every time something went south in my life, I always had a plan B. now I feel like I have nothing.

(Stops kissing her)

John: What about me? Can't I be your plan B?

Gabrielle: Dammit John! What is our new rule?

John (like a child being told not to hit his sister- you know the voice): Stop pretending we have a future.

Gabrielle: Thank you.

John: Can't you just walk out?

Gabrielle: No, 'cos if I leave then I'll be broke , and that would be awful. And if I stay he'll be in control and that's horrifying. And he cut up all my credit cards, which means I'm married to him and unable to shop, which is probably the worst of all possible worlds.

John: I'm sorry.

Gabrielle: I'll figure something out. I'm sorry. I'm not much fun today, I'm going to go.

(Gets up to leave)

John: Wait.

(Pulls his credit card out of his wallet and hands it to her)

Gabrielle: What's this?

John: You deserve nice things, and if Mr. Solis won't provide them, I will.

Gabrielle: With your student credit card?

John: I own my own business.

Gabrielle: You mow lawns!

John: I make good money. I have 20 houses and I'm this close to getting the driving range at the country club.

Gabrielle: I can't.

John: Yes! You can.

Gabrielle: I'll pay it off.

John: If you want, but you don't have to. Mrs Solis, to take care of you, that's my dream.

Gabrielle: Well, far be it for me-(puts the card into her purse) to stand in the way of a young man's dream.

(Gabrielle reaches out for John and they start making out again.)

[INT :Scavo House- Kitchen-Day]

(Lynette is on the phone to Tom trying to arrange the errands she has to run that day.)

Lynette: OK, Tom, I will swing by the dry cleaners after I hit the market. Um, I don't know, Porter has a dentist appointment at 4 o' clock, so the, um, car might have to wait until tomorrow.

(As Lynette is getting her things ready to leave, we see the Tiffany lamp perfectly situated on a table in the lounge.)

Lynette: Okay, I love you too. Bye bye.

(Opens the door to find Mrs McClusky standing there, with a basket of fruit. She stops, shocked.)

Mrs McClusky: Hi there. I brought you some avocados . I have a tree out back but I don't like them and your family seems like the kind that would eat guacamole .

Lynette: Um, Mrs McClusky, thank you, that is very nice.

Mrs McClusky: So let's make up a batch.

(Lynette tries to put her off.)

Lynette: Now's not a good time. I'm on my way out and I have a tonne of errands.

Mrs McClusky: Oh, that's great, 'cos my cars on the fritz and I could hitch a ride. I need to drop by the pharmacy anyway.

Lynette: No I can't. I'm sorry, but I have a lot of things to do.

Mrs McClusky: Well, maybe you could take me later, or I could drop by tomorrow.

Lynette: Mrs McClusky, I won't have any time tomorrow.

Mrs McClusky: Oh, well, I find it interesting that you can't spend two minutes with me, but you have no trouble taking my Tiffany lamp.

Lynette: Oh, for god's sake.

(Lynette goes into the house and picks up the tiffany lamp, offers it back to Mrs McClusky.)

Lynette: Here, you should take this back. I don't have a place for it.

Mrs McClusky: But that was my gesture for saving my life.

Lynette: Yes, and it was a beautiful gesture. Really. But I-

Mrs McClusky: Save it , Lynette. I get the picture.

(Mrs McClusky takes the lamp and storms off back across the street.)

[INT :Mayer House-Stairs -Night]

(Susan comes down the stairs yawning, wearing only a T-shirt)

Susan: Argh!

(She screams when she sees her mother and a strange man sat in the kitchen. Tries to pull down the T-shirt to cover herself more.)

Sophie: Oh, Susie, this is Tim.

Tim: Sorry, if we startled you.

Susan: Oh uh, that's okay. I just didn't expect to see anyone up at a quarter of one.

Sophie: Susie, you should have come out tonight. I met Tim here at the Islands Bar, and he introduced me to this crazy drink-the dirty volcano. Haha.

Tim: Woo.

Sophie: And we danced and then he dipped me.

Tim: Sophie is very limber.

Susan: Um, mom. Could I just talk to you in the family room for a minute?

Tim: Susan is your daughter??!!

Sophie: Yup.

Tim: No, she can't be. No.

Sophie: Yeah.

Tim: No.

Sophie: Yeah.

Tim: No.

Susan: Alright, we get it. She looks young.

(Susan grabs her mother and drags her to the other room.)

[INT: Mayer House-Family Room-Night]

Sophie: Oh, the man has magic fingers.

Susan: What are you doing? I have a teenage daughter in the house! You cannot just bring strange men you meet in bars back here in the middle of the night!

Sophie: I'm just having a few laughs. What's the big deal?

Susan: Look, I know you're trying to get over Morty, but this is not the way to do it. So can you please just go out there and tell him to go home?

Sophie: You know how blue I've been. Why can't you be supportive?

Susan: I've been plenty supportive.

Sophie: No, you haven't, you really haven't. Now Tim is my guest and he will go home when I say so.

Susan (defiantly): If he's not gone in five minutes, then I'm going to go out there and tell him how old you really are.

(Sophie makes a show of yawning and stretching her arms.)

Sophie: Tim, it's time for me to say goodnight.

[INT: Underground Garage-Empty-Night]

Sullivan (Dirty Cop): Delfino?

Mike: Yeah. You must be Sullivan.

Sullivan: The file on Mellor's daughter.

Mike: Yeah, he said you have some leads.

Sullivan: Yeah sure, we've got some leads.

Mike: Is there a problem?

Sullivan: Gee, I don't know. I'm handing a confidential police report over to a killer and drug dealer. Why should that be a problem?

Mike: Thanks.

(Mike turns and walks away.)

Sullivan: Is this what our justice system's come to? Guys like you walking the streets without a care in the world?

Mike: I did my time.

Sullivan: Not nearly enough, you piece of garbage.

(Mike walks back to him.)

Mike: You know, I'm glad we got to meet, because apparently I'm no longer a murder suspect thanks to you.

(Sullivan is wearing a superior smile on his face,)

Mike: So I don't want to seem ungrateful, but how much does it take to buy off a homicide detective these days? Thanks again.

(Mike walks away.)

Sullivan: Hey, Delfino. One more thing.

(Gets out his gun and hits Mike as he turns to answer him on the head with the butt of the gun. Mike falls to the floor, hurt, where he's kicked several times by Sullivan. Mike starts to get back up, only to be hit by Sullivan's gun again.)

Sullivan (standing over him): Now this file was misplaced, you understand? If even a word of this gets back to me, there'll be one less cop killer on the streets. You understand me?

(Sullivan stands up and throws the heavy file down next to Mike.)

Sullivan: And for god's sake, don't get any blood on the file.

[INT: Posh Restaurant -Day]

(Gabrielle is out having a posh lunch, looking at the new shoes she just bought. She looks extremely happy with where she is. An older man is watching her and makes a toast from across the room. Gabrielle smiles back.)

Waiter: Ma'am. I'm sorry, but your credit card has been declined.

Gabrielle: What? Oh, no. That's impossible. It's a new card, I just went shopping with it. Try it again.

Waiter: Ma'am I tried it three times and then I called the bank. Now may I try another card?

Gabrielle: Of course you may. If you will just give me a moment.

(The waiter walks away and Gabrielle pulls out her cell phone.)

[Intermittent shots of Gabrielle in the restaurant and John at his apartment.]

John: Hello?

Gabrielle: It's me.

John: I've been trying to call you, but you turned your cell off.

Gabrielle: Because I'm in a lovely restaurant having a lovely meal that I now can't pay for!

John: Well, did you order already?

Gabrielle: I ate already!

John: Look, the credit card company called my mom. They said that there was unusual activity on my card.

Gabrielle: I bought shoes!

John: Well, I didn't know that. You know, and then my mom started asking all these questions and I blurted out that the card was stolen and she cancelled it.

Gabrielle: Why would they call your parents? It's your account.

John: They co-signed for it. Look if you just explain to the waiter?

Gabrielle (can't quite believe the situation she finds herself in): What? That the card was cancelled by my lover's mommy?