ungodly sinner, and to cast myself at the feet of mercy, condemning



myself for sin. If ever Satan and I did strive for any word of God

in all my life, it was for this good word of Christ; he at one end,



and I at the other: Oh! what work did we make! It was for this in

JOHN, I say, that we did so tug and strive, he pulled, and I



pulled; but God be praised, I got the better of him; I got some

sweetness from it.



216. But notwithstanding all these helps, and blessed words of

grace, yet that of ESAU'S selling of his birthright, would still at



times distress my conscience: for though I had been most sweetly

comforted, and that but just before, yet when that came into my



mind, 'twould make me fear again: I could not be quite rid

thereof, 'twould every day be with me: wherefore now I went



another way to work, even to consider the nature of this

blasphemous thought, I mean, if I should take the words at the



largest, and give them their own natural force and scope, even

every word therein: so when I had thus considered, I found, that



if they were fairly taken, they would amount to this; THAT I HAD

FREELY LEFT THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TO HIS CHOICE, WHETHER HE WOULD



BE MY SAVIOUR OR NO; for the wicked words were these, LET HIM GO,

IF HE WILL. Then that scripture gave me hope, I WILL NEVER LEAVE



THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE. Heb. xiii. 5. 'O Lord,' said I, BUT I

HAVE LEFT THEE. Then it answered again, BUT I WILL NOT LEAVE THEE.



For this I thanked God also.

217. Yet I was grievous afraid He should, and found it exceeding



hard to trust Him, seeing I had so offended Him: I could have been

exceeding glad that this thought had never befallen; for then I



thought I could with more ease and freedom in abundance, have

leaned on His grace. I saw it was with me, as it was with JOSEPH'S



brethren; the guilt of their own wickedness did often fill them

with fears that their brother would at last despise them. Gen. l.



15, 16, etc.

218. Yet above all the scriptures that I yet did meet with that in



JOSHUA xx. was the greatest comfort to me, which speaks of the

slayer that was to flee for refuge: AND IF THE AVENGER OF BLOOD



PURSUE THE SLAYER, then saith MOSES, THEY THAT ARE THE ELDERS OF

THE CITY OF REFUGE SHALL NOT DELIVER HIM INTO HIS HANDS, BECAUSE HE



SMOTE HIS NEIGHBOUR UNWITTINGLY AND HATED HIM NOT AFORETIME. Oh!

blessed be God for this word: I was convinced that I was the



slayer; and that the avenger of blood pursued me, I felt with great

terror; only now it remained that I inquire whether I have right to



enter the city of refuge: so I found, that he must not, WHO LAY IN

WAIT TO SHED BLOOD: It was not the wilful MURDERER, but he who



UNWITTINGLY did it, he who did it unawares; not out of spite, or

grudge, or malice, he that shed it unwittingly: even he who did



not HATE HIS NEIGHBOUR BEFORE. Wherefore,

219. I thought verily I was the man that must enter, because I had



smitten my neighbour UNWITTINGLY, AND HATED HIM NOT AFORETIME. I

hated Him not aforetime; no, I prayed unto Him, was tender of



sinning against Him; yea, and against this wickedtemptation I had

strove for a twelvemonth before; yea, and also when it did pass



through my heart, it did in spite of my teeth: wherefore I thought

I had a right to enter this city, and the elders, which are the



APOSTLES, were not to deliver me up. This therefore was great

comfort to me, and gave me much ground of hope.



220. Yet being very critical, for my smart had made me that I knew

not what ground was sure enough to bear me, I had one question that



my soul did much desire to be resolved about; and that was, WHETHER

IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ANY SOUL THAT HATH SINNED THE UNPARDONABLE SIN,



YET AFTER THAT TO RECEIVE, THOUGH BUT THE LEAST, TRUE SPIRITUAL

COMFORT FROM GOD THOUGH CHRIST? The which after I had much



considered, I found the answer was, No, they could not; and that

for these reasons:-



221. FIRST, Because those that have sinned that sin, they are

debarred a share in the blood of Christ; and being shut out of



that, they must needs be void of the least ground of hope, and so

of spiritual comfort; FOR TO SUCH THERE REMAINS NO MORE SACRIFICE



FOR SIN. Heb. x. 26, 27. SECONDLY, Because they are denied a

share in the promise of life: IT SHALL NEVER BE FORGIVEN HIM



NEITHER IN THIS WORLD, NEITHER IN THE WORLD TO COME. Matt. xii.

32. THIRDLY, The Son of God excludes them also from a share in His



blessed intercession, being for ever ashamed to own them, both

before His holy Father, and the blessed angels in heaven. Mark



viii.

222. When I had with much deliberation considered of this matter,



and could not but conclude that the Lord had comforted me, and that

too after this my wicked sin: then methought I durst venture to



come nigh unto those most fearful and terrible scriptures, with

• sentence [´sentəns] n.判决 vt.宣判；处刑 (初中英语单词)


• therefore [´ðeəfɔ:] ad.&conj.因此；所以 (初中英语单词)


• presently [´prezəntli] ad.不久；目前 (初中英语单词)


• terror [´terə] n.恐怖；惊骇 (初中英语单词)


• fearful [´fiəfəl] a.可怕的；担心的 (初中英语单词)


• encourage [in´kʌridʒ] vt.鼓励；怂勇；促进 (初中英语单词)


• refuge [´refju:dʒ] v.&n.避难(所)；庇护 (初中英语单词)


• knowing [´nəuiŋ] a.会意的，心照不宣的 (初中英语单词)


• withdraw [wið´drɔ:] v.收回；撤销；撤退 (初中英语单词)


• vanish [´væniʃ] vi.消失；消散；消灭 (初中英语单词)


• glorious [´glɔ:riəs] a.光荣的；辉煌的 (初中英语单词)


• exceed [ik´si:d] v.超(胜)过；凌驾 (初中英语单词)


• whatever [wɔt´evə] pron.&a.无论什么 (初中英语单词)


• christ [kraist] n.基督 int.天啊! (初中英语单词)


• exception [ik´sepʃən] n.例外；反对，异议 (初中英语单词)


• distress [di´stres] n.痛苦 vt.使苦恼 (初中英语单词)


• conscience [´kɔnʃəns] n.良心；道德心 (初中英语单词)


• amount [ə´maunt] n.总数；数量 v.合计 (初中英语单词)


• wicked [´wikid] a.邪恶的；不道德的 (初中英语单词)


• abundance [ə´bʌndəns] n.丰富，充裕 (初中英语单词)


• despise [di´spaiz] vt.轻视，藐视 (初中英语单词)


• spiritual [´spiritʃuəl] a.精神(上)的；神圣的 (初中英语单词)


• ashamed [ə´ʃeimd] a.惭愧；不好意思 (初中英语单词)


• venture [´ventʃə] n.投机 v.冒险；敢于 (初中英语单词)


• enclose [in´kləuz] vt.围住，圈起；附上 (高中英语单词)


• contented [kən´tentid] a.满足的；心满意足的 (高中英语单词)


• sadness [´sædnis] n.悲哀；悲痛；凄惨 (高中英语单词)


• mighty [´maiti] a.强有力的 ad.很 (高中英语单词)


• torment [´tɔ:ment] vt.(使)痛苦，折磨 (高中英语单词)


• repent [ri´pent] v.后悔；悔改；悔悟 (高中英语单词)


• salvation [sæl´veiʃən] n.救助；拯救 (高中英语单词)


• longing [´lɔŋiŋ] n.&a.渴望(的) (高中英语单词)


• sweetly [´swi:tli] ad.甜蜜地；美妙地 (高中英语单词)


• strive [straiv] vi.争取；努力；奋斗 (高中英语单词)


• notwithstanding [,nɔtwiθ´stændiŋ] prep.&conj.虽然；还是 (高中英语单词)


• therein [ðeə´rin] ad.在那里，在其中 (高中英语单词)


• seeing [si:iŋ] see的现在分词 n.视觉 (高中英语单词)


• murderer [´mə:dərə] n.杀人犯，凶手 (高中英语单词)


• malice [´mælis] n.恶意；怨恨；预谋 (高中英语单词)


• temptation [temp´teiʃən] n.引诱，诱惑(物) (高中英语单词)


• critical [´kritikəl] a.批评的；关键性的 (高中英语单词)


• jostle [´dʒɔsəl] v.&n.推，撞，挤(人) (英语四级单词)


• scripture [´skriptʃə] n.手稿；文件；经典 (英语四级单词)


• commandment [kə´mɑ:ndmənt] n.戒律；圣训 (英语四级单词)


• deliverance [di´livərəns] n.援救；获释 (英语四级单词)


• considering [kən´sidəriŋ] prep.就…而论 (英语四级单词)


• sinner [´sinə] n.罪人 (英语四级单词)


• blessed [´blesid] a.享福的；神圣的 (英语四级单词)


• wherefore [´weəfɔ:] ad.为什么；因此 (英语四级单词)


• saviour [´seiviə] n.救星；救助者 (英语四级单词)


• forsake [fə´seik] vt.遗弃，抛弃，摒绝 (英语四级单词)


• grievous [´gri:vəs] a.痛苦的；严重的 (英语四级单词)


• befallen [bi´fɔ:lən] befall的过去分词 (英语四级单词)


• verily [´verili] ad.真实的；肯定地 (英语四级单词)


• resolved [ri´zɔlvd] a.决心的；坚定的 (英语四级单词)


• forgiven [fə´givn] forgive的过去分词 (英语四级单词)


• deliberation [dilibə´reiʃ(ə)n] n.仔细考虑；商量 (英语四级单词)


• methought [mi´θɔ:t] methinks的过去式 (英语六级单词)


• birthright [´bə:θrait] n.生来就有的权利 (英语六级单词)


• refreshing [ri´freʃiŋ] a.使心神爽快的 (英语六级单词)


• derision [di´riʒən] n.嘲笑，嘲弄 (英语六级单词)


• divers [´daivə(:)z] a.&pron.若干个 (英语六级单词)


• secondly [´sekəndli] a.第二(点)；其次 (英语六级单词)