mighty well. For, though as yet I was nothing but a poor painted

hypocrite, yet, I loved to be talked of as one that was truly
godly. I was proud of my godliness, and indeed, I did all I did,

either to be seen of, or to be well spoken of, by men: and thus I
continued for about a twelve-month, or more.

33. Now you must know, that, before this, I had taken much delight
in ringing, but my CONSCIENCE beginning to be tender, I thought

such PRACTICE was but vain, and therefore forced myself to leave
it; yet my mind hankered; wherefore I would go to the steeple-

house, and look on, though I durst not ring: but I thought this
did not become religion neither; yet I forced myself, and would

look on still, but quickly after, I began to think, HOW IF ONE OF
THE BELLS SHOULD FALL? Then I chose to stand under a main beam,

that lay overthwart the steeple, from side to side, thinking here I
might stand sure; but then I should think again, should the bell

fall with a swing, it might first hit the wall, and then,
rebounding upon me, might kill me for all this beam; this made me

stand in the steeple-door; and now, thought I, I am safe enough;
for if the bell should now fall, I can slip out behind these thick

walls, and so be preserved notwithstanding.
34. So after this I would yet go to see them ring, but would not

go any farther than the steeple-door; but then it came into my
head, how if the steeple itself should fall? And this thought (it

may for aught I know) when I stood and looked on, did continually
so shake my mind, that I durst not stand at the steeple-door any

longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the steeple should fall
upon my head.

35. Another thing was, my dancing; I was a full year before I
could quite leave that; but all this while, when I thought I kept

this or that commandment, or did, by word or deed, anything that I
thought was good, I had great peace in my conscience, and should

think with myself, God cannot choose but be now pleased with me;
yea, to relate it in mine own way, I thought no man in ENGLAND

could please God better than I.
36. But poor wretch as I was! I was all this while ignorant of

Jesus Christ; and going about to establish my own righteousness;
and had perished therein, had not God in mercy showed me more of my

state by nature.
37. But upon a day, the good providence of God called me to

BEDFORD, to work on my calling; and in one of the streets of that
town, I came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a

door, in the sun, talking about the things of God; and being now
willing to hear them discourse, I drew near to hear what they said,

for I was now a brisk talker also myself, in the matters of
religion; but I may say, I HEARD BUT UNDERSTOOD NOT; for they were

far above, out of my reach. Their talk was about a new birth, the
work of God on their hearts, also how they were convinced of their

miserable state by nature; they talked how God had visited their
souls with His love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and

promises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported, against
the temptations of the devil: moreover, they reasoned of the

suggestions and temptations of Satan in particular; and told to
each other, by which they had been afflicted and how they were

borne up under his assaults. They also discoursed of their own
wretchedness of heart, and of their unbelief; and did contemn,

slight and abhor their own righteousness, as filthy, and
insufficient to do them any good.

38. And, methought, they spake as if joy did make them speak; they
spake with such pleasantness of scripture language, and with such

appearance of grace in all they said, that they were to me, as if
they had found a new world; as if they were PEOPLE THAT DWELT

ALONE, AND WERE NOT TO BE RECKONED AMONG THEIR NEIGHBOURS. Numb.
xxiii. 9.

39. At this I felt my own heart began to shake, and mistrust my
condition to be naught; for I saw that in all my thoughts about

religion and salvation, the new-birth did never enter into my mind;
neither knew I the comfort of the word and promise, nor the

deceitfulness and treachery of my own wicked heart. As for secret
thoughts, I took no notice of them; neither did I understand what

Satan's temptations were, nor how they were to be withstood, and
resisted, etc.

40. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and considered what they
said, I left them, and went about my employment again, but their

talk and discourse went with me; also my heart would tarry with
them, for I was greatly affected with their words, both because by

them I was convinced that I wanted the true tokens of a truly godly
man, and also because by them I was convinced of the happy and

blessed condition of him that was such a one.
41. Therefore I should often make it my business to be going again

and again into the company of these poor people; for I could not
stay away; and the more I went amongst them, the more I did

question my condition; and as I still do remember, presently I
found two things within me, at which I did sometimes marvel

(especially considering what a blind, ignorant, sordid and ungodly
wretch but just before I was). The one was a very great softness

and tenderness of heart, which caused me to fall under the
conviction of what by scripture they asserted, and the other was a

great bending in my mind, to a continual meditating on it, and on
all other good things, which at any time I heard or read of.

42. By these things my mind was now so turned, that it lay like an
horse-leech at the vein, still crying out, GIVE, GIVE, Prov. xxx.

15; yea, it was so fixed on eternity, and on the things about the
kingdom of heaven (that is, so far as I knew, though as yet, God

knows, I knew but little), that neither pleasures, nor profits, nor
persuasions, nor threats, could loose it, or make it let go its

hold; and though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in very deed,
a certain truth, it would then have been as difficult for me to

have taken my mind from heaven to earth, as I have found it often
since, to get again from earth to heaven.

43. One thing I may not omit: There was a young man in our town,
to whom my heart before was knit, more than to any other, but he

being a most wicked creature for cursing, and swearing, and
whoreing, I now shook him off, and forsook his company; but about a

quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him in a certain
lane, and asked him how he did: he, after his old swearing and mad

way, answered, he was well. But, Harry, said I, WHY DO YOU CURSE
AND SWEAR THUS? WHAT WILL BECOME OF YOU, IF YOU DIE IN THIS

CONDITION? He answered me in a great chafe, WHAT WOULD THE DEVIL
DO FOR COMPANY, IF IT WERE NOT FOR SUCH AS I AM?

44. About this time I met with some Ranters' books, that were put
forth by some of our countrymen, which books were also highly in

esteem by several old professors; some of these I read, but was not
able to make any judgment about them; wherefore as I read in them,

and thought upon them (seeing myself unable to judge), I would
betake myself to hearty prayer in this manner. O LORD, I AM A

FOOL, AND NOT ABLE TO KNOW THE TRUTH FROM ERROR: LORD, LEAVE ME
NOT TO MY OWN BLINDNESS, EITHER TO APPROVE OF OR CONDEMN THIS

DOCTRINE; IF IT BE OF GOD, LET ME NOT DESPISE IT; IF IT BE OF THE
DEVIL, LET ME NOT EMBRACE IT. LORD, I LAY MY SOUL IN THIS MATTER

ONLY AT THY FOOT, LET ME NOT BE DECEIVED, I HUMBLY BESEECH THEE. I
had one religious intimatecompanion all this while, and that was

the poor man I spoke of before; but about this time, he also turned
a most devilish Ranter, and gave himself up to all manner of

filthiness, especially uncleanness: he would also deny that there
was a God, angel, or spirit; and would laugh at all exhortations to

sobriety; when I laboured to rebuke his wickedness he would laugh
the more, and pretend that he had gone through all religions, and