manifestation of grace unto my soul, though I had lost much of the
life and favour of it. Now about a week or a fortnight after this

I was much followed by this scripture, SIMON, SIMON; BEHOLD, SATAN
HATH DESIRED TO HAVE YOU, Luke xxii. 31, and sometimes it would

sound so loud within me, yea, and as it was, call so strongly after
me, that once, above all the rest, I turned my head over my

shoulder, thinking verily that some man had behind me, called me;
being at a great distance, methought he called so loud: it came,

as I have thought since, to have stirred me up to prayer, and to
watchfulness: it came to acquaint me, that a cloud and a storm was

coming down upon me: but I understood it not.
94. Also, as I remember, that time that it called to me so loud,

was the last time that it sounded in mine ears; but me thinks I
hear still with what a loud voice these words, SIMON, SIMON,

sounded in mine ears. I thought verily, as I have told you, that
somebody had called after me, that was half a mile behind me: and

although that was not my name, yet it made me suddenly look behind
me, believing that he that called so loud, meant me.

95. But so foolish was I, and ignorant, that I knew not the reason
of this sound; (which as I did both see and feel soon after, was

sent from heaven as an alarm, to awaken me to provide for what was
coming,) only I should muse and wonder in my mind, to think what

should be the reason of this scripture, and that at this rate, so
often and so loud, should still be sounding and rattling in mine

ears: but, as I said before, I soon after perceived the end of God
therein.

96. For, about the space of a month after, a very great storm came
down upon me, which handled me twenty times worse than all I had

met with before; it came stealing upon me, now by one piece, then
by another: First, all my comfort was taken from me; then darkness

seized upon me; after which, whole floods of blasphemies, both
against God, Christ, and the scriptures, were poured upon my

spirit, to my great confusion and astonishment. These blasphemous
thoughts were such as stirred up questions in me against the very

being of God, and of His only beloved Son: As, whether there were
in truth, a God or Christ? And whether the holy scriptures were

not rather a fable, and cunning story, than the holy and pure word
of God?

97. The tempter would also much assault me with this, HOW CAN YOU
TELL BUT THAT THE Turks HAD AS GOOD SCRIPTURES TO PROVE THEIR

Mahomet THE SAVIOUR, AS WE HAVE TO PROVE OUR JESUS IS? AND, COULD
I THINK, THAT SO MANY TEN THOUSANDS, IN SO MANY COUNTRIES AND

KINGDOMS, SHOULD BE WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE RIGHT WAY TO
HEAVEN, (IF THERE WERE INDEED A HEAVEN); AND THAT WE ONLY, WHO LIVE

IN A CORNER OF THE EARTH, SHOULD ALONE BE BLESSED THEREWITH? EVERY
ONE DOTH THINK HIS OWN RELIGION RIGHTEST, BOTH Jews AND Moors, AND

Pagans; AND HOW IF ALL OUR FAITH, AND CHRIST, AND SCRIPTURES,
SHOULD BE BUT A THINK SO TOO?

98. Sometimes I have endeavoured to argue against these
suggestions, and to set some of the sentences of blessed PAUL

against them; but alas! I quickly felt, when I thus did, such
arguings as these would return again upon me, THOUGH WE MADE SO

GREAT A MATTER OF PAUL, AND OF HIS WORDS, YET HOW COULD I TELL, BUT
THAT IN VERY DEED, HE BEING A SUBTLE AND CUNNING MAN, MIGHT GIVE

HIMSELF UP TO DECEIVE WITH STRONG DELUSIONS: AND ALSO TAKE THE
PAINS AND TRAVEL, TO UNDO AND DESTROY HIS FELLOWS.

99. These suggestions, (with many others which at this time I may
not, and dare not utter, neither by word or pen,) did make such a

seizure upon my spirit, and did so overweigh my heart, both with
their number, continuance, and fiery force, that I felt as if there

were nothing else but these from morning to night within me; and as
though indeed there could be room for nothing else; and also

concluded, that God had, in very wrath to my soul, given me up to
them, to be carried away with them, as with a mighty whirlwind.

100. Only by the distaste that they gave unto my spirit, I FELT
THERE WAS SOMETHING IN ME THAT REFUSED TO EMBRACE THEM. But this

consideration I then only had, when God gave me leave to swallow my
spittle; otherwise the noise, and strength, and force of these

temptations would drown and overflow, and as it were, bury all such
thoughts, or the remembrance of any such thing. While I was in

this temptation, I often found my mind suddenly put upon it to
curse and swear, or to speak some grievous thing against God, or

Christ His Son, and of the scriptures.
101. Now I thought, SURELY I AM POSSESSED OF THE DEVIL: at other

times, again, I thought I should be bereft of my wits; for instead
of lauding and magnifying God the Lord, with others, if I have but

heard Him spoken of, presently some most horrible blasphemous
thought or other would bolt out of my heart against Him; so that

whether I did think that God was, or again did think there was no
such thing, no love, nor peace, nor graciousdisposition could I

feel within me.
102. These things did sink me into very deep despair; for I

concluded that such things could not possibly be found amongst them
that loved God. I often, when these temptations had been with

force upon me, did compare myself to the case of such a child, whom
some gipsy hath by force took up in her arms, and is carrying from

friend and country. Kick sometimes I did, and also shriek and cry;
but yet I was bound in the wings of the temptation, and the wind

would carry me away. I thought also of Saul, and of the evil
spirit that did possess him: and did greatly fear that my

condition was the same with that of his. 1 Sam. x.
103. In these days, when I have heard others talk of what was the

sin against the Holy Ghost, then would the tempter so provoke me to
desire to sin that against sin, that I was as if I could not, must

not, neither should be quiet until I had committed it; now no sin
would serve but that. If it were to be committed by speaking of

such a word, then I have been as if my mouth would have spoken that
word, whether I would or no; and in so strong a measure was this

temptation upon me, that often I have been ready to clap my hand
under my chin, to hold my mouth from opening; and to that end also,

I have had thoughts at other times, to leap with my head downward,
into some muckhill-hole or other, to keep my mouth from speaking.

104. Now again I beheld the condition of the dog and toad, and
counted the estate of every thing that God had made, far better

than this dreadful state of mine, and such as my companions were.
Yea, gladly would I have been in the condition of a dog or horse:

for I knew they had no souls to perish under the everlasting weight
of hell, or sin, as mine was like to do. Nay, and though I saw

this, felt this, and was broken to pieces with it; yet that which
added to my sorrow was, I could not find, that with all my soul I

did desire deliverance. That scripture did also tear and rend my
soul in the midst of these distractions, THE WICKED ARE LIKE THE

TROUBLED SEA, WHEN IT CANNOT REST, WHOSE WATERS CAST UP MIRE AND
DIRT. THERE IS NO PEACE, SAITH MY GOD, TO THE WICKED. Isa. lvii.

20, 21.
105. And now my heart was, at times, exceeding hard; if I would

have given a thousand pounds for a tear, I could not shed one: no
nor sometimes scarce desire to shed one. I was much dejected, to

think that this would be my lot. I saw some could mourn and lament
their sin; and others again, could rejoice and bless God for

Christ; and others again, could quietly talk of, and with gladness
remember the word of God; while I only was in the storm or tempest.

This much sunk me, I thought my condition was alone, I should
therefore much bewail my hard hap, but get out of, or get rid of

these things, I could not.
106. While this temptation lasted, which was about a year, I could