which all this while I had been so greatly affrighted, and on which

indeed, before I durst scarce cast mine eye (yea, had much ado an
hundred times, to forbear wishing them out of the Bible), for I

thought they would destroy me; but now, I say, I began to take some
measure of encouragement, to come close to them to read them, and

consider them, and to weigh their scope and tendency.
223. The which when I began to do, I found their visage changed:

for they looked not so grimly, as before I thought they did: and
first I came to the sixth of the HEBREWS, yet trembling for fear it

should strike me; which when I had considered, I found that the
falling there intended, was a falling QUITE AWAY; that is as I

conceived, a falling from and absolute denying of the gospel, of
remission of sins by Jesus Christ; for, from them the apostle

begins his argument, verses 1, 2, 3, 4. SECONDLY, I found that
this falling away, must be openly, even in the view of the world,

even so as TO PUT CHRIST TO AN OPEN SHAME. THIRDLY, I found those
he there intended, were for ever shut up of God, both in blindness,

hardness, and impenitency: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THEY SHOULD BE RENEWED
AGAIN UNTO REPENTANCE. By all these particulars, I found to God's

everlasting praise, my sin was not the sin in this place intended.
FIRST, I confessed I was fallen, but not fallen away; that is, from

the profession of faith in Jesus unto eternal life.
SECONDLY, I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to SHAME by my

sin, but not to open SHAME; I did not deny Him before men, nor
condemn Him as a fruitless One before the world.

THIRDLY, Nor did I find that God had shut me up, or denied me to
come (though I found it hard work indeed to come) to Him by sorrow

and repentance" target="_blank" title="n.悔悟，悔改；忏悔">repentance: blessed be God for unsearchable grace!
224. Then I considered that in the 10th chapter of the HEBREWS,

and found that the WILFUL SIN there mentioned, is not every wilful
sin, but that which doth throw off Christ, and then His

commandments too. SECONDLY, That must be done also openly, before
two or three witnesses, to answer that of the law, VERSE 28.

THIRDLY, This sin cannot be committed, but with great despite done
to the Spirit of Grace; despising both the dissuasions from that

sin, and the persuasions to the contrary. But the Lord knows,
though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not amount to these.

225. And as touching that in the 12th of the HEBREWS, about ESAU'S
selling of his birthright; though this was that which killed me,

and stood like a spear against me, yet now I did consider, FIRST,
that his was not a hasty thought against the continual labour of

his mind, but a thought consented to, and put in practice likewise,
and that after some deliberation, Gen. xxv. SECONDLY, It was a

public and open action, even before his brother, if not before many
more; this made his sin of a far more heinous nature than otherwise

it would have been. THIRDLY, He continued to slight his
birthright: HE DID EAT AND DRINK, AND WENT HIS WAY: thus Esau

DESPISED HIS BIRTHRIGHT, yea, twenty years after he was found to
despise it still. And Esau said, I HAVE ENOUGH, MY BROTHER, KEEP

THAT THOU HAST UNTO THYSELF. Gen. xxxiii. 9.
226. Now as touching this, THAT Esau SOUGHT A PLACE OF REPENTANCE;

thus I thought: FIRST, This was not for the BIRTHRIGHT, but THE
BLESSING: this is clear from the apostle, and is distinguished by

Esau himself; HE TOOK AWAY MY BIRTHRIGHT (that is, formerly); AND
BEHOLD NOW HE HATH TAKEN AWAY MY BLESSING. Gen. xxvii. 36.

SECONDLY, Now, this being thus considered, I came again to the
apostle, to see what might be the mind of God, in a New-Testament

style and sense concerning ESAU'S sin; and so far as I could
conceive, this was the mind of God, THAT THE BIRTHRIGHT signified

REGENERATION, and the BLESSING, the ETERNAL INHERITANCE; for so the
apostle seems to hint. LEST THERE BE ANY PROFANE PERSON, AS Esau,

WHO FOR ONE MORSEL OF MEAT SOLD HIS BIRTHRIGHT; as if he should
say, That shall cast off all those blessed beginnings of God, that

at present are upon him, in order to a new-birth; lest they become
as ESAU, even be rejected AFTERWARDS, when they would inherit the

blessing.
227. For many there are, who, in the day of grace and mercy,

despise those things which are indeed the birthright to heaven, who
yet when the deciding day appears, will cry as lord as ESAU, LORD,

LORD, OPEN TO US; but then, as ISAAC would not repent, no more will
God the Father, but will say, I HAVE BLESSED THESE, YEA, and THEY

SHALL BE BLESSED; but as for you, DEPART, YOU ARE THE WORKERS OF
INIQUITY. Gen. xxvii. 32; Luke xiii. 25-27.

228. When I had thus considered these scriptures, and found that
thus to understand them, was not against, but according to other

scriptures; this still added further to my encouragement and
comfort, and also gave a great blow to that objection, to wit, THAT

THE SCRIPTURES COULD NOT AGREE IN THE SALVATION OF MY SOUL. And
now remained only the hinder part of the tempest, for the thunder

was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, that now and
then would fall upon me; but because my former frights and anguish

were very sore and deep, therefore it oft befall me still, as it
befalleth those that have been scared with fire. I thought every

voice was, FIRE! FIRE! Every little touch would hurt my tender
conscience.

229. But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too with
some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest yet all was not right,

suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, THY RIGHTEOUSNESS IS IN
HEAVEN; and methoughtwithal, I saw with the eyes of my soul, Jesus

Christ at God's right hand: there, I say, was my righteousness; so
that wherever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say of

me, HE WANTS MY RIGHTEOUSNESS; for that was just before Him. I
also saw moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made

my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my
righteousness worse; for my righteousness was Jesus Christ Himself,

THE SAME YESTERDAY, TO-DAY, AND FOR EVER. Heb. xiii. 8.
230. Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed; I was loosed from

my afflictions and irons; my temptations also fled away; so that
from that time those dreadfulscriptures of God left off to trouble

me: now went I also home rejoicing, for the grace and love of God;
so when I came home, I looked to see if I could find that sentence;

THY RIGHTEOUSNESS IS IN HEAVEN, but could not find such a saying;
wherefore my heart began to sink again, only that was brought to my

remembrance, 1 Cor. i. 30, CHRIST JESUS, WHO OF GOD IS MADE UNTO US
WISDOM, AND RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND SANCTIFICATION, AND REDEMPTION; by

this word I saw the other sentence true.
231. For by this scripture I saw that the Man Christ Jesus, as He

is distinct from us, as touching His bodily presence, so He is our
righteousness and sanctification before God. Here therefore I

lived, for some time, very sweetly at peace with God through
Christ; Oh! methought, Christ! Christ! there was nothing but Christ

that was before my eyes: I was not now (only) for looking upon
this and the other benefits of Christ apart, as of His blood,

burial, or resurrection, but considering Him as a whole Christ! as
He in whom all these, and all His other virtues, relations, offices

and operations met together, and that He sat on the right hand of
God in heaven.

232. 'Twas glorious to me to see His exaltation, and the worth and
prevalency of all His benefits, and that because now I could look

from myself to Him and should reckon, that all those graces of God
that now were green on me, were yet but like those cracked groats

and fourpence-halfpennies that rich men carry in their purses, when
their gold is in their trunks at home: Oh! I saw my gold was in my

trunk at home! In Christ my Lord and Saviour. Now Christ was all;
all my wisdom, all my righteousness, all my sanctification, and all

my redemption.
233. Further, the Lord did also lead me into the mystery of union

with the Son of God; that I was joined to Him, that I was flesh of
His flesh, and bone of His bone; and now was that word sweet to me

in Eph. v. 30. By this also was my faith in Him, as my
righteousness, the more confirmed in me; for if He and I were one,