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Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners-Part2_JOHN BUNYAN(1628-1688)_English Literature(文学名著)-第2页

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should die before I had my desire; for that I feared greatly. In



these things, I protest before God, I lye not, neither do I feign

this form of speech; these were really, strongly, and with all my



heart, my desires: THE GOOD LORD, WHOSE MERCY IS UNSEARCHABLE,

FORGIVE ME MY TRANSGRESSIONS!



25. And I am very confident, that this temptation of the devil is

more usual among poor creatures, than many are aware of, even to



over-run the spirits with a scurvy and seared frame of heart, and

benumbing of conscience, which frame he stilly and slily supplieth



with such despair, that, though not much guilt attendeth souls, yet

they continually have a secret conclusion within them, that there



is no hope for them; FOR THEY HAVE LOVED SINS, THEREFORE AFTER THEM

THEY WILL GO. Jer. ii. 25, and xviii. 12.



26. Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of mind,

still grudging that I could not be so satisfied with it, as I



would. This did continue with me about a month, or more; but one

day, as I was standing at a neighbour's shop window, and there



cursing and swearing, and playing the madman, after my wonted

manner, there sate within, the woman of the house, and heard me;



who, though she also was a very loose and ungodly wretch, yet

protested that I swore and cursed at that most fearful rate, that



she was made to tremble to hear me; and told me further, THAT I WAS

THE UNGODLIEST FELLOW FOR SWEARING, THAT SHE EVER HEARD IN ALL HER



LIFE; AND THAT I, BY THUS DOING, WAS ABLE TO SPOIL ALL THE YOUTH IN

THE WHOLE TOWN, IF THEY COME BUT IN MY COMPANY.



27. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to secret shame; and

that too, as I thought, before the God of heaven; wherefore, while



I stood there, and hanging down my head, I wished with all my heart

that I might be a little child again, that my father might learn me



to speak without this wicked way of swearing; for, thought I, I am

so accustomed to it, that it is in vain for me to think of a



reformation; for I thought it could never be.

28. But how it came to pass, I know not; I did from this time



forward, so leave my swearing, that it was a great wonder to myself

to observe it; and whereas before I knew not how to speak unless I



put an oath before, and another behind, to make my words have

authority; now I could, without it, speak better, and with more



pleasantness than ever I could before. All this while I knew not

Jesus Christ, neither did I leave my sports and plays.



29. But quickly after this, I fell into company with one poor man

that made profession of religion; who, as I then thought, did talk



pleasantly of the scriptures, and of the matters of religion;

wherefore falling into some love and liking to what he said, I



betook me to my Bible, and began to take great pleasure in reading,

but especially with the historical part thereof; for as for Paul's



Epistles, and such like scriptures, I could not away with them,

being as yet ignorant, either of the corruptions of my nature, or



of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save me.

30. Wherefore I fell to some outward reformation both in my words



and life, and did set the commandments before me for my way to

heaven; which commandments I also did strive to keep, and, as I



thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes, and then I should

have comfort; yet now and then should break one, and so afflict my



conscience; but then I should repent, and say, I was sorry for it,

and promise God to do better next time, and there get help again;



for then I thought I pleased God as well as any man in ENGLAND.

31. Thus I continued about a year; all which time our neighbours



did take me to be a very godly man, a new and religious man, and

did marvel much to see such a great and famous alteration in my



life and manners; and indeed so it was, though yet I knew not

Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope; for, as I have well seen



since, had I then died, my state had been most fearful.

32. But, I say, my neighbours were amazed at this my great



conversion, from prodigious profaneness, to something like a moral

life; and truly, so they well might; for this my conversion was as



great, as for Tom of Bethlehem to become a sober man. Now

therefore they began to praise, to commend, and to speak well of



me, both to my face, and behind my back. Now I was, as they said,

become godly; now I was become a right honest man. But oh! when I



understood these were their words and opinions of me, it pleased me




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