then His
righteousness was mine, His merits mine, His
victory also
mine. Now could I see myself in heaven and earth at once: in
heaven by my Christ, by my head, by my
righteousness and life,
though on earth by my body or person.
234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked upon of God; and should
also be looked upon by us, as that common or public person, in whom
all the whole body of His elect are always to be considered and
reckoned; that we fulfilled the law by Him, died by Him, rose from
the dead by Him, got the
victory over sin, death, the devil, and
hell, by Him; when He died, we died, and so of His resurrection.
THY DEAD MEN SHALL LIVE, TOGETHER WITH MY DEAD BODY SHALL THEY
ARISE, saith He. Isa. xxvi. 19. And again, AFTER TWO DAYS HE WILL
REVIVE US, AND THE THIRD DAY HE WILL RAISE US UP, AND WE SHALL LIVE
IN HIS SIGHT. Hosea vi. 2. Which is now fulfilled by the sitting
down of the Son of Man on the right hand of the Majesty in the
heavens; according to that to the EPHESIANS, AND HATH RAISED US UP
TOGETHER, AND MADE US SIT TOGETHER IN HEAVENLY PLACES IN CHRIST
JESUS. Eph. ii. 6.
235. Ah! these
blessed considerations and
scriptures, with many
others of like nature, were in those days made to
spangle in mine
eyes; so that I have cause to say, PRAISE YE THE LORD. PRAISE GOD
IN HIS SANCTUARY, PRAISE HIM IN THE FIRMAMENT OF HIS POWER; PRAISE
HIM FOR HIS MIGHTY ACTS: PRAISE HIM ACCORDING TO HIS EXCELLENT
GREATNESS. Psalm cl. 1, 2.
236. Having thus in a few words given you a taste of the sorrow
and
affliction that my soul went under, by the guilt and terror
that this my
wicked thought did lay me under; and having given you
also a touch of my
deliverance therefrom, and of the sweet and
blessed comfort that I met with afterwards, which comfort dwelt
about a twelvemonth with my heart, to my
unspeakableadmiration: I
will now (God willing), before I proceed any farther, give you in a
word or two, what, as I
conceive, was the cause of this
temptation;
and also after that, what
advantage, at the last, it became unto my
soul.
237. For the causes, I
conceived they were
principally two: of
which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this trouble lay
upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered
from the
temptation that went before, still pray to God to to keep
me from the
temptations that were to come; for though, as I can say
in truth, my soul was much in prayer before this trial seized me,
yet then I prayed only, or at the most
principally, for the removal
of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of His love in
Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough to do; I also should
have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was
to come.
238. Of this I was made deeply
sensible by the prayer of holy
DAVID, who when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God
would hold him back from sin and
temptation to come; THEN, saith
he, SHALL I BE UPRIGHT, AND I SHALL BE INNOCENT FROM THE GREAT
TRANSGRESSION. Psalm xix. 13. By this very word was I galled and
condemned quite through this long
temptation.
239. That was also another word that did much
condemn me for my
folly, in the
neglect of this duty. Heb. iv. 16: LET US THEREFORE
COME BOLDLY UNTO THE THRONE OF GRACE, THAT WE MAY OBTAIN MERCY, AND
FIND GRACE TO HELP IN TIME OF NEED. This I had not done, and
therefore was thus suffered to sin and fall, according to what is
written, PRAY THAT YE ENTER NOT INTO TEMPTATION. And truly this
very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon me, that I
dare not, when I come before the Lord, go of my knees, until I
intreat Him for help and mercy against the
temptations that are to
come; and I do
beseech thee, reader, that thou learn to
beware of
my negligence, by the
afflictions, that for this thing I did for
days, and months, and years, with sorrow undergo.
240. Another cause of this
temptation was, that I had tempted God;
and on this manner did I do it: Upon a time my wife was great with
child, and before her full time was come, her pangs, as of a woman
in travail, were
fierce and strong upon her, even as if she would
have fallen immediately in labour, and been delivered of an
untimely birth: now at this very time it was, that I had been so
strongly tempted to question the being of God;
wherefore, as my