attend upon none of the ordinances of God, but with sore and great

affliction. Yea, then I was most distressed with blasphemies. If



I had been hearing the word, then uncleanness, blasphemies and

despair would hold me a captive there: if I have been reading,



then sometimes I had sudden thoughts to question all I read:

sometimes again, my mind would be so strangely snatched away, and



possessed with other things, that I have neither known, nor

regarded, nor remembered so much as the sentence that but now I



have read.

107. In prayer also I have been greatly troubled at this time;



sometimes I have thought I have felt him behind me pulling my

clothes: he would be also continually" target="_blank" title="ad.不断地，频繁地">continually at me in time of prayer, to



have done, break off, make haste, you have prayed enough, and stay

no longer; still drawing my mind away. Sometimes also he would



cast in such wicked thoughts as these; that I must pray to him, or

for him: I have thought sometimes of that, FALL DOWN; or, IF THOU



WILT FALL DOWN AND WORSHIP ME. Matt. iii. 9.

108. Also, when because I have had wandering thoughts in the time



of this duty, I have laboured to compose my mind, and fix it upon

God; then with great force hath the tempter laboured to distract



me, and confound me, and to turn away my mind, by presenting to my

heart and fancy, the form of a bush, a bull, a besom, or the like,



as if I should pray to these: To these he would also (at sometimes

especially) so hold my mind, that I was as if I could think of



nothing else, or pray to nothing else but to these, or such as

they.



109. Yet at times I should have some strong and heart-affecting

apprehensions of God, and the reality of the truth of His gospel.



But, oh! how would my heart, at such times, put forth itself with

unexpressible groanings. My whole soul was then in every word; I



should cry with pangs after God, that He would be merciful unto me;

but then I should be daunted again with such conceits as these: I



should think that God did mock at these my prayers, saying, and

that in the audience of the holy angels, THIS POOR SIMPLE WRETCH



DOTH HANKER AFTER ME, AS IF I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MERCY, BUT

TO BESTOW IT ON SUCH AS HE. ALAS, POOR SOUL! HOW ART THOU



DECEIVED! IT IS NOT FOR SUCH AS THEE TO HAVE FAVOUR WITH THE

HIGHEST.



110. Then hath the tempter come upon me, also, with such

discouragements as these: YOU ARE VERY HOT FOR MERCY, BUT I WILL



COOL YOU; THIS FRAME SHALL NOT LAST ALWAYS: MANY HAVE BEEN AS HOT

AS YOU FOR A SPURT, BUT I HAVE QUENCHED THEIR ZEAL (and with this,



such and such, who were fallen off, would be set before mine eyes).

Then I should be afraid that I should do so too: But, thought I, I



am glad this comes into my mind: well, I will watch, and take what

care I can. THOUGH YOU DO, said Satan, I SHALL BE TOO HARD FOR



YOU; I WILL COOL YOU INSENSIBLY, BY DEGREES, BY LITTLE AND LITTLE.

WHAT CARE I, saith he, THOUGH I BE SEVEN YEARS IN CHILLING YOUR



HEART, IF I CAN DO IT AT LAST? CONTINUAL ROCKING WILL LULL A

CRYING CHILD ASLEEP: I WILL PLY IT CLOSE, BUT I WILL HAVE MY END



ACCOMPLISHED. THOUGH YOU BE BURNING HOT AT PRESENT, I CAN PULL YOU

FROM THIS FIRE; I SHALL HAVE YOU COLD BEFORE IT BE LONG.



111. These things brought me into great straits; for as I at

present could not find myself fit for present death, so I thought,



to live long, would make me yet more unfit; for time would make me

forget all, and wear even the remembrance of the evil of sin, the



worth of heaven, and the need I had of the blood of Christ to wash

me, both out of mind and thought: but I thank Christ Jesus, these



things did not at present make me slack my crying, but rather did

put me more upon it (LIKE HER WHO MET WITH ADULTERER, Deut. xxii.



26), in which days that was a good word to me, after I had suffered

these things a while:- I AM PERSUADED THAT NEITHER DEATH, NOR LIFE,



ETC., SHALL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD WHICH IS IN

CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD. Rom. viii. 38, 39. And now I hoped long



life would not destroy me, nor make me miss of heaven.

112. Yet I had some supports in this temptation, though they were



then all questioned by me; that in JER. III. at the first was

something to me; and so was the consideration of verse 5 of that



chapter; that though we have spoken and done as evil things as we

could, yet we should cry unto God, MY FATHER, THOU ART THE GUIDE OF



MY YOUTH, and shall return unto Him.

113. I had, also, once a sweet glance from that in 2 Cor. v. 21:



FOR HE HATH MADE HIM TO BE SIN FOR US, WHO KNEW NO SIN, THAT WE

MIGHT BE MADE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD IN HIM. I remember that one



day, as I was sitting in a neighbour's house, and there very sad at

• strongly [´strɔŋli] ad.强烈地；强有力地 (初中英语单词)


• acquaint [ə´kweint] vt.使….认识；告知 (初中英语单词)


• ignorant [´ignərənt] a.无知的，愚昧的 (初中英语单词)


• awaken [ə´weikən] v.唤起，叫醒 (初中英语单词)


• christ [kraist] n.基督 int.天啊! (初中英语单词)


• confusion [kən´fju:ʒən] n.混乱(状态)；骚乱 (初中英语单词)


• astonishment [ə´stɔniʃmənt] n.吃惊；惊异 (初中英语单词)


• beloved [bi´lʌvd] a.为….所爱的 n.爱人 (初中英语单词)


• cunning [´kʌniŋ] a.&n.狡猾(诡诈)的 (初中英语单词)


• assault [ə´sɔ:lt] vt.袭击；殴打 n.攻击 (初中英语单词)


• therewith [ðɛə´wið] ad.于是，随即 (初中英语单词)


• deceive [di´si:v] vt.欺骗，欺诈 (初中英语单词)


• embrace [im´breis] vt.&n.拥抱；采纳；信奉 (初中英语单词)


• swallow [swɔləu] n.燕子 v.吞，咽；淹没 (初中英语单词)


• otherwise [´ʌðəwaiz] ad.另外 conj.否则 (初中英语单词)


• spoken [´spəukən] speak的过去分词 (初中英语单词)


• presently [´prezəntli] ad.不久；目前 (初中英语单词)


• horrible [´hɔrəbəl] a.可怕的；恐怖的 (初中英语单词)


• gracious [´greiʃəs] a.和蔼可亲的；任慈的 (初中英语单词)


• disposition [,dispə´ziʃən] n.安排；性情；倾向 (初中英语单词)


• despair [di´speə] vi.&n.绝望 (初中英语单词)


• shriek [ʃri:k] v.&n.尖叫(声) (初中英语单词)


• measure [´meʒə] n.量度；范围 vt.测量 (初中英语单词)


• opening [´əupəniŋ] n.开放；开端 a.开始的 (初中英语单词)


• beheld [bi´held] behold的过去式(分词) (初中英语单词)


• estate [i´steit] n.财产；庄园；等级 (初中英语单词)


• dreadful [´dredful] a.可怕的；讨厌的 (初中英语单词)


• perish [´periʃ] v.灭亡；消灭；(使)死去 (初中英语单词)


• wicked [´wikid] a.邪恶的；不道德的 (初中英语单词)


• scarce [skeəs, skers] a.缺乏的；稀有的 (初中英语单词)


• rejoice [ri´dʒɔis] v.(使)高兴；欢庆 (初中英语单词)


• captive [´kæptiv] n.俘虏；捕获物 (初中英语单词)


• strangely [´streindʒli] ad.奇怪地；陌生地 (初中英语单词)


• sentence [´sentəns] n.判决 vt.宣判；处刑 (初中英语单词)


• worship [´wə:ʃip] n.&v.崇拜；敬仰 (初中英语单词)


• compose [kəm´pəuz] v.组成；创作；作曲 (初中英语单词)


• reality [ri´æliti] n.现实(性)；真实；逼真 (初中英语单词)


• audience [´ɔ:diəns] n.听众；观众；接见 (初中英语单词)


• bestow [bi´stəu] vt.(把…)赠给；使用 (初中英语单词)


• consideration [kən,sidə´reiʃən] n.考虑；原因；体谅 (初中英语单词)


• fortnight [´fɔ:tnait] n.两星期 (高中英语单词)


• mighty [´maiti] a.强有力的 ad.很 (高中英语单词)


• overflow [´əuvəfləu] v.(使)泛滥 n.泛滥 (高中英语单词)


• remembrance [ri´membrəns] n.记忆(力)；回忆 (高中英语单词)


• temptation [temp´teiʃən] n.引诱，诱惑(物) (高中英语单词)


• amongst [ə´mʌŋst] prep.其中之一 =among (高中英语单词)


• provoke [prə´vəuk] vt.挑拨；煽动；引起 (高中英语单词)


• gladly [´glædli] ad.愉快地，高兴地 (高中英语单词)


• everlasting [,evə´lɑ:stiŋ] a.永久的，无尽的 (高中英语单词)


• hearing [´hiəriŋ] n.听力；听证会；审讯 (高中英语单词)


• continually [kən´tinjuəli] ad.不断地，频繁地 (高中英语单词)


• confound [kən´faund] v.混淆；使惊惶 (高中英语单词)


• saying [´seiŋ, ´sei-iŋ] n.言语；言论；格言 (高中英语单词)


• continual [kən´tinjuəl] a.不断的，频繁的 (高中英语单词)


• scripture [´skriptʃə] n.手稿；文件；经典 (英语四级单词)


• verily [´verili] ad.真实的；肯定地 (英语四级单词)


• saviour [´seiviə] n.救星；救助者 (英语四级单词)


• blessed [´blesid] a.享福的；神圣的 (英语四级单词)


• continuance [kən´tinjuəns] n.继续；持续逗留；连续 (英语四级单词)


• grievous [´gri:vəs] a.痛苦的；严重的 (英语四级单词)


• deliverance [di´livərəns] n.援救；获释 (英语四级单词)


• exceeding [ik´si:diŋ] a.超越的，非常的 (英语四级单词)


• bewail [bi´weil] v.悲叹；痛哭；哀悼 (英语四级单词)


• drawing [´drɔ:iŋ] n.画图；制图；图样 (英语四级单词)


• manifestation [,mænife´steiʃən] n.表明；现象 (英语六级单词)


• methought [mi´θɔ:t] methinks的过去式 (英语六级单词)


• bereft [bi´reft] bereave的过去分词 (英语六级单词)


• speaking [´spi:kiŋ] n.说话 a.发言的 (英语六级单词)


• dejected [di´dʒektid] a.垂头丧气的 (英语六级单词)


• merciful [´mə:sifəl] a.仁慈的；宽大的 (英语六级单词)


• righteousness [raitʃəsnis] n.正直；正当；正义 (英语六级单词)