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BEDFORD. After I had propounded to the church, that my desire was
to walk in the order and ordinances of Christ with them, and was
also admitted by them: while I thought of that blessedordinance
of Christ, which was His last supper with His disciples before His
death, that scripture, DO THIS IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME, Luke xxii. 19,
was made a very precious word unto me; for by it the Lord did come
down upon my conscience with the discovery of His death for my
sins; and as I then felt, did as if He plunged me in the virtue of
the same. But behold, I had not been long a partaker at that
ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptations did attend me at all
times therein, both to blaspheme the ordinance, and to wish some
deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof: that lest I
should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked and
fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while, to
pray to God to keep me from such blasphemies: and also to cry to
God to bless the bread and cup to them, as it went from mouth to
mouth. The reason of this temptation, I have thought since, was,
because I did not with that reverence that became me at first,
approach to partake thereof.
254. Thus I continued for three quarters of a year, and could
never have rest nor ease: but at the last the Lord came in upon my
soul with that same scripture, by which my soul was visited before:
and after that, I have been usually very well and comfortable in
the partaking of that blessedordinance; and have, I trust, therein
discerned the Lord's body, as broken for my sins, and that His
precious blood hath been shed for my transgressions.
255. Upon a time I was something inclining to a consumption,
wherewith about the spring I was suddenly and violently seized,
with much weakness in my outward man; insomuch that I thought I
could not live. Now began I afresh to give myself up to a serious
examination after my state and condition for the future, and of my
evidences for that blessed world to come: for it hath, I bless the
name of God, been my usual course, as always, so especially in the
day of affliction, to endeavour to keep my interest in the life to
come, clear before mine eyes.
256. But I had no sooner began to recall to mind my former
experience of the goodness of God to my soul, but there came
flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my sins and
transgressions; amongst which these were at this time most to my
affliction; namely, my deadness, dulness, and coldness in holy
duties; my wanderings of heart, of my wearisomeness in all good
things, my want of love to God, His ways and people, with this at
the end of all, ARE THESE THE FRUITS OF CHRISTIANITY? ARE THESE
TOKENS OF A BLESSED MAN?
257. At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was doubled
upon me; for now I was sick in my inward man, my soul was clogged
with guilt; now also was my former experience of God's goodness to
me, quite taken out of my mind, and hid as if they had never been,
or seen: now was my soul greatly pinched between these two
considerations, LIVE I MUST NOT, DIE I DARE NOT. Now I sunk and
fell in my spirit, and was giving up all for lost; but as I was
walking up and down in the house as a man in a most woeful state,
that word of God took hold of my heart, YE ARE JUSTIFIED FREELY BY
HIS GRACE, THROUGH THE REDEMPTION THAT IS IN CHRIST JESUS. Rom.
iii. 24. But oh! what a turn it made upon me!
258. Now was I as one awaked out of some troublesome sleep and
dream; and listening to this heavenlysentence, I was as if I had
heard it thus expounded to me: SINNER, THOU THINKEST, THAT BECAUSE
THY SINS AND INFIRMITIES, I CANNOT SAVE THY SOUL; BUT BEHOLD MY SON
IS BY ME, AND UPON HIM I LOOK, AND NOT ON THEE, AND SHALL DEAL WITH
THEE ACCORDING AS I AM PLEASED WITH HIM. At this I was greatly
lightened in my mind, and made to understand, that God could
justify a sinner at any time; it was but His looking upon Christ,
and imputing His benefits to us, and the work was forthwith done.
259. And as I was thus in a muse, that scripture also came with
great power upon my spirit, NOT BY WORKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS THAT WE
HAVE DONE, BUT ACCORDING TO HIS MERCY HE HATH SAVED US, ETC. 2
Tim. i. 9; Tit. iii. 5. Now was I got on high, I saw myself within
the arms of grace and mercy; and though I was before afraid to
think of a dying hour, yet, now I cried, LET ME DIE: Now death was
lovely and beautiful in my sight, for I saw WE SHALL NEVER LIVE
INDEED, TILL WE BE GONE TO THE OTHER WORLD. Oh! methought this
to walk in the order and ordinances of Christ with them, and was
also admitted by them: while I thought of that blessedordinance
of Christ, which was His last supper with His disciples before His
death, that scripture, DO THIS IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME, Luke xxii. 19,
was made a very precious word unto me; for by it the Lord did come
down upon my conscience with the discovery of His death for my
sins; and as I then felt, did as if He plunged me in the virtue of
the same. But behold, I had not been long a partaker at that
ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptations did attend me at all
times therein, both to blaspheme the ordinance, and to wish some
deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof: that lest I
should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked and
fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while, to
pray to God to keep me from such blasphemies: and also to cry to
God to bless the bread and cup to them, as it went from mouth to
mouth. The reason of this temptation, I have thought since, was,
because I did not with that reverence that became me at first,
approach to partake thereof.
254. Thus I continued for three quarters of a year, and could
never have rest nor ease: but at the last the Lord came in upon my
soul with that same scripture, by which my soul was visited before:
and after that, I have been usually very well and comfortable in
the partaking of that blessedordinance; and have, I trust, therein
discerned the Lord's body, as broken for my sins, and that His
precious blood hath been shed for my transgressions.
255. Upon a time I was something inclining to a consumption,
wherewith about the spring I was suddenly and violently seized,
with much weakness in my outward man; insomuch that I thought I
could not live. Now began I afresh to give myself up to a serious
examination after my state and condition for the future, and of my
evidences for that blessed world to come: for it hath, I bless the
name of God, been my usual course, as always, so especially in the
day of affliction, to endeavour to keep my interest in the life to
come, clear before mine eyes.
256. But I had no sooner began to recall to mind my former
experience of the goodness of God to my soul, but there came
flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my sins and
transgressions; amongst which these were at this time most to my
affliction; namely, my deadness, dulness, and coldness in holy
duties; my wanderings of heart, of my wearisomeness in all good
things, my want of love to God, His ways and people, with this at
the end of all, ARE THESE THE FRUITS OF CHRISTIANITY? ARE THESE
TOKENS OF A BLESSED MAN?
257. At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was doubled
upon me; for now I was sick in my inward man, my soul was clogged
with guilt; now also was my former experience of God's goodness to
me, quite taken out of my mind, and hid as if they had never been,
or seen: now was my soul greatly pinched between these two
considerations, LIVE I MUST NOT, DIE I DARE NOT. Now I sunk and
fell in my spirit, and was giving up all for lost; but as I was
walking up and down in the house as a man in a most woeful state,
that word of God took hold of my heart, YE ARE JUSTIFIED FREELY BY
HIS GRACE, THROUGH THE REDEMPTION THAT IS IN CHRIST JESUS. Rom.
iii. 24. But oh! what a turn it made upon me!
258. Now was I as one awaked out of some troublesome sleep and
dream; and listening to this heavenlysentence, I was as if I had
heard it thus expounded to me: SINNER, THOU THINKEST, THAT BECAUSE
THY SINS AND INFIRMITIES, I CANNOT SAVE THY SOUL; BUT BEHOLD MY SON
IS BY ME, AND UPON HIM I LOOK, AND NOT ON THEE, AND SHALL DEAL WITH
THEE ACCORDING AS I AM PLEASED WITH HIM. At this I was greatly
lightened in my mind, and made to understand, that God could
justify a sinner at any time; it was but His looking upon Christ,
and imputing His benefits to us, and the work was forthwith done.
259. And as I was thus in a muse, that scripture also came with
great power upon my spirit, NOT BY WORKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS THAT WE
HAVE DONE, BUT ACCORDING TO HIS MERCY HE HATH SAVED US, ETC. 2
Tim. i. 9; Tit. iii. 5. Now was I got on high, I saw myself within
the arms of grace and mercy; and though I was before afraid to
think of a dying hour, yet, now I cried, LET ME DIE: Now death was
lovely and beautiful in my sight, for I saw WE SHALL NEVER LIVE
INDEED, TILL WE BE GONE TO THE OTHER WORLD. Oh! methought this
- knowing [´nəuiŋ]
a.会意的，心照不宣的 (初中英语单词) - astonishment [ə´stɔniʃmənt] n.吃惊；惊异 (初中英语单词)
- wicked [´wikid] a.邪恶的；不道德的 (初中英语单词)
- spoken [´spəukən] speak的过去分词 (初中英语单词)
- christ [kraist] n.基督 int.天啊! (初中英语单词)
- therefore [´ðeəfɔ:] ad.&conj.因此；所以 (初中英语单词)
- blessing [´blesiŋ] n.祝福 (初中英语单词)
- beloved [bi´lʌvd] a.为….所爱的 n.爱人 (初中英语单词)
- otherwise [´ʌðəwaiz] ad.另外 conj.否则 (初中英语单词)
- terror [´terə] n.恐怖；惊骇 (初中英语单词)
- condemn [kən´dem] vt.谴责；定罪，判处 (初中英语单词)
- perish [´periʃ] v.灭亡；消灭；(使)死去 (初中英语单词)
- retain [ri´tein] vt.保持；保留；留住 (初中英语单词)
- sentence [´sentəns] n.判决 vt.宣判；处刑 (初中英语单词)
- diligence [´dilidʒəns] n.勤奋，努力 (初中英语单词)
- formerly [´fɔ:məli] ad.从前，以前 (初中英语单词)
- pursue [pə´sju:] v.追赶；追踪；从事 (初中英语单词)
- conceive [kən´si:v] v.设想；表达；怀孕 (初中英语单词)
- wisdom [´wizdəm] n.智慧，聪明，才智 (初中英语单词)
- welcome [´welkəm] a.受欢迎的；可喜的 (初中英语单词)
- thrust [θrʌst] v.&n.猛推；冲；刺；挤进 (初中英语单词)
- contrary [´kɔntrəri] a.相反的 n.相反 (初中英语单词)
- midnight [´midnait] n.午夜；漆黑 (初中英语单词)
- fierce [fiəs] a.残忍的；强烈的 (初中英语单词)
- measure [´meʒə] n.量度；范围 vt.测量 (初中英语单词)
- conscience [´kɔnʃəns] n.良心；道德心 (初中英语单词)
- virtue [´və:tʃu:] n.美德；贞操；长处 (初中英语单词)
- guilty [´gilti] a.有罪的；心虚的 (初中英语单词)
- weakness [´wi:knis] n.虚弱；弱点，缺点 (初中英语单词)
- endeavour [in´devə] n.&v.努力，试图，尽力 (初中英语单词)
- goodness [´gudnis] n.优良；美德；精华 (初中英语单词)
- coldness [´kəuldnis] n.寒冷；冷淡 (初中英语单词)
- sickness [´siknis] n.生病；呕吐，恶心 (初中英语单词)
- freely [´fri:li] ad.自由地；慷慨地 (初中英语单词)
- discern [di´sə:n] v.辩认出 (高中英语单词)
- remembrance [ri´membrəns] n.记忆(力)；回忆 (高中英语单词)
- retort [ri´tɔ:t] n.&v.报复；反击；反驳 (高中英语单词)
- rebuke [ri´bju:k] vt.&n.指责；训斥 (高中英语单词)
- outward [´autwəd] a.外面的 ad.向外 (高中英语单词)
- temptation [temp´teiʃən] n.引诱，诱惑(物) (高中英语单词)
- certainty [´sə:tənti] n.确实(性)；确信 (高中英语单词)
- continual [kən´tinjuəl] a.不断的，频繁的 (高中英语单词)
- inherit [in´herit] v.继承；遗传 (高中英语单词)
- mighty [´maiti] a.强有力的 ad.很 (高中英语单词)
- continually [kən´tinjuəli] ad.不断地，频繁地 (高中英语单词)
- sweetness [´swi:tnis] n.甜蜜；芳香；亲切 (高中英语单词)
- meddle [´medl] vi.干涉(预)；乱弄 (高中英语单词)
- infinite [´infinit] a.无限的，无穷的 (高中英语单词)
- principally [´prinsəpli] ad.主要地；大体上 (高中英语单词)
- petition [pi´tiʃən] n.请愿 vt.向…请愿 (高中英语单词)
- captivity [kæp´tiviti] n.囚禁；被俘；束缚 (高中英语单词)
- therein [ðeə´rin] ad.在那里，在其中 (高中英语单词)
- reverence [´revərəns] n.尊敬；敬畏；尊严 (高中英语单词)
- violently [´vaiələntli] ad.强暴地；猛烈地 (高中英语单词)
- innumerable [i´nju:mərəbəl] a.无数的，数不清的 (高中英语单词)
- amongst [ə´mʌŋst] prep.其中之一 =among (高中英语单词)
- namely [´neimli] ad.即，也就是 (高中英语单词)
- christianity [,kristi´æniti] n.基督教；基督精神 (高中英语单词)
- inward [´inwəd] a.向内的；心灵上的 (高中英语单词)
- heavenly [´hevənli] a.天的，天空的 (高中英语单词)
- forthwith [fɔ:θ´wið] ad.立刻 (高中英语单词)
- secrecy [´si:krəsi] n.保密；秘密 (英语四级单词)
- fleece [fli:s] n.羊毛；羊毛状物 (英语四级单词)
- hardness [´hɑ:dnis] n.坚硬；严厉；难度 (英语四级单词)
- compassion [kəm´pæʃən] n.同情；怜悯 (英语四级单词)
- scripture [´skriptʃə] n.手稿；文件；经典 (英语四级单词)
- afflict [ə´flikt] vt.使痛苦；折磨 (英语四级单词)
- blessed [´blesid] a.享福的；神圣的 (英语四级单词)
- flaming [´fleimiŋ] a.熊熊燃烧的；热情的 (英语四级单词)
- deliverance [di´livərəns] n.援救；获释 (英语四级单词)
- incapable [in´keipəbəl] a.无能力的；不能的 (英语四级单词)
- sundry [´sʌndri] a.各式各样的，各式的 (英语四级单词)
- withal [wi´ðɔ:l] ad.加之；同样；然而 (英语四级单词)
- fellowship [´feləuʃip] n.团体；伙伴关系；友谊 (英语四级单词)
- ordinance [´ɔ:dinəns] n.法令；条令；条例 (英语四级单词)
- partake [pɑ:´teik] v.参与；分享；同吃 (英语四级单词)
- sinner [´sinə] n.罪人 (英语四级单词)
- holiness [´həulinis] n.神圣 (英语六级单词)
- affliction [ə´flikʃən] n.痛苦，苦恼；折磨 (英语六级单词)
- righteousness [raitʃəsnis] n.正直；正当；正义 (英语六级单词)
- methought [mi´θɔ:t] methinks的过去式 (英语六级单词)
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章节正文
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