410 BC
THE BIRDS
by Aristophanes
anonymous translator
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
EUELPIDES
PITHETAERUS
TROCHILUS, Servant to Epops
Epops (the Hoopoe)
A BIRD
A HERALD
A PRIEST
A POET
AN ORACLE-MONGER
METON, a Geometrician
AN INSPECTOR
A DEALER IN DECREES
IRIS
A PARRICIDE
CINESIAS, a Dithyrambic Poet
AN INFORMER
PROMETHEUS
POSIDON
TRIBALLUS
HERACLES
SLAVES OF PITHETAERUS
MESSENGERS
CHORUS OF BIRDS
BIRDS
(SCENE:-A wild and
desolate region; only
thickets, rocks, and a
single tree are seen. EUELPIDES and PITHETAERUS enter, each with a
bird in his hand.)
EUELPIDES (to his jay)
Do you think I should walk straight for yon tree?
PITHETAERUS (to his crow)
Cursed beast, what are you croaking to me?...to retrace my steps?
EUELPIDES
Why, you
wretch, we are wandering at
random, we are exerting
ourselves only to return to the same spot; we're
wasting our time.
PITHETAERUS
To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made me cover
more than a thousand furlongs!
EUELPIDES
And that I, in
obedience to this jay, should have worn my toes
down to the nails!
PITHETAERUS
If only I knew where we were....
EUELPIDES
Could you find your country again from here?
PITHETAERUS
No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could Execestides
find his.
EUELPIDES
Alas!
PITHETAERUS
Aye, aye, my friend, it's surely the road of "alases" we are
following.
EUELPIDES
That Philocrates, the bird-seller, played us a scurvy trick,
when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus, the
Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one. He has indeed sold us
this jay, a true son of Tharrhelides, for an obolus, and this crow for
three, but what can they do? Why, nothing
whatever but bite and
scratch! (To his jay) What's the matter with you then, that you keep
opening your beak? Do you want us to fling ourselves
headlong down
these rocks? There is no road that way.
PITHETAERUS
Not even the
vestige of a trail in any direction
EUELPIDES
And what does the crow say about the road to follow?
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did.
EUELPIDES
And which way does it tell us to go now?
PITHETAERUS
It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will
devour my fingers.
EUELPIDES
What
misfortune is ours! we
strain every nerve to get to the
crows, do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our way!
Yes, spectators, our
madness is quite different from that of Sacas. He
is not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we, on the
contrary, born of an
honourable tribe and family and living in the
midst of our fellow-citizens, we have fled from our country as hard as
ever we could go. It's not that we hate it; we recognize it to be
great and rich,
likewise that
everyone has the right to ruin himself
paying taxes; but the crickets only chirrup among the fig-trees for
a month or two,
whereas the Athenians spend their whole lives in
chanting forth judgments from their law-courts. That is why we started
off with a basket, a stew-pot and some
myrtle boughs! and have come to
seek a quiet country in which to settle. We are going to Tereus, the
Epops, to learn from him, whether, in his
aerial flights, he has
noticed some town of this kind.
PITHETAERUS
Here! look!
EUELPIDES
What's the matter?
PITHETAERUS
Why, the crow has been directing me to something up there for some
time now.
EUELPIDES
And the jay is also
opening it beak and craning its neck to show
me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here. We shall
soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.
PITHETAERUS
Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock.
EUELPIDES
And you your head to double the noise.
PITHETAERUS
Well then use a stone instead; take one and
hammer with it.
EUELPIDES
Good idea! (He does so.) Ho there, within! Slave! slave!
PITHETAERUS
What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to
summon Epops? It would
be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!
EUELPIDES
Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops!
TROCHILUS (rushing out of a
thicket)
Who's there? Who calls my master?
PITHETAERUS (in terror)
Apollo the Deliverer! what an
enormous beak!
(He defecates. In the
confusion both the jay and the crow fly
away.)
TROCHILUS (equally frightened)
Good god! they are bird-catchers.
EUELPIDES (reassuring himself)
But is it so terrible? Wouldn't it be better to explain things?
TROCHILUS (also reassuring himself)
You're done for.
EUELPIDES
But we are not men.
TROCHILUS
What are you, then?
EUELPIDES (defecating also)
I am the Fearling, an African bird.
TROCHILUS
You talk nonsense.
EUELPIDES
Well, then, just ask it of my feet.
TROCHILUS
And this other one, what bird is it? (To PITHETAERUS) Speak up
PITHETAERUS (weakly)
I? I am a Crapple, from the land of the pheasants.
EUELPIDES
But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are you?
TROCHILUS
Why, I am a slave-bird.
EUELPIDES
Why, have you been conquered by a cock?
TROCHILUS
No, but when my master was turned into a hoopoe, he begged me to
become a bird also, to follow and to serve him.
EUELPIDES
Does a bird need a servant, then?
TROCHILUS
That's no doubt because he was once a man. At times he wants to
eat a dish of sardines from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch
him some. Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle and a pot
and run to get it.
EUELPIDES
This is, then, truly a running-bird. Come, Trochilus, do us the
kindness to call your master.
TROCHILUS
Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of
myrtle-berries
and a few grubs.
EUELPIDES
Never mind; wake him up.
TROCHILUS
I an; certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him to please
you.
(He goes back into the
thicket.)
PITHETAERUS (as soon as TROCHILUS is out of sight)
You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror!
EUELPIDES
Oh! my god! it was sheer fear that made me lose my jay.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! you big coward! were you so frightened that you let go your
jay?
EUELPIDES
And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the
ground? Tell me that.
PITHETAERUS
Not at all.
EUELPIDES
Where is it, then?
PITHETAERUS
It flew away.
EUELPIDES
And you did not let it go? Oh! you brave fellow!
EPOPS (from within)
Open the
thicket, that I may go out!
(He comes out of the
thicket.)
EUELPIDES
By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this triple
crest?
EPOPS
Who wants me?
EUELPIDES (banteringly)
The twelve great gods have used you ill, it seems.
EPOPS
Are you twitting me about my feathers? I have been a man,
strangers.