PITHETAERUS
And how do you think to escape them?
EUELPIDES
I don't know at all.
PITHETAERUS
Come, I will tell you. We must stop and fight them. Let us arm
ourselves with these stew-pots.
EUELPIDES
Why with the stew-pots?
PITHETAERUS
The owl will not attack us then.
EUELPIDES
But do you see all those
hooked claws?
PITHETAERUS
Take the spit and
pierce the foe on your side.
EUELPIDES
And how about my eyes?
PITHETAERUS
Protect them with this dish or this vinegar-pot.
EUELPIDES
Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great
general, even greater than Nicias, where
stratagem is concerned.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Forward, forward,
charge with your beaks! Come, no delay. Tear,
pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stew-pot.
EPOPS (stepping in front of the CHORUS)
Oh, most cruel of all animals, why tear these two men to pieces,
why kill them? What have they done to you? They belong to the same
tribe, to the same family as my wife.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Are wolves to be spared? Are they not our most
mortal foes? So let
us
punish them.
EPOPS
If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart,
and they come here to give you useful advice.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Advice or a useful word from their lips, from them, the enemies of
my forebears?
EPOPS
The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution
is the mother of safety. It is just such a thing as one will not learn
from a friend and which an enemy compels you to know. To begin with,
it's the foe and not the friend that taught cities to build high
walls, to equip long vessels of war; and it's this knowledge that
protects our children, our slaves and our wealth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Well then, I agree, let us first hear them, for that is best;
one can even learn something in an enemy's school.
PITHETAERUS (to EUELPIDES)
Their wrath seems to cool. Draw back a little.
EPOPS
It's only justice, and you will thank me later.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Never have we opposed your advice up to now.
PITHETAERUS
They are in a more
peaceful mood,-put down your stew-pot and
your two dishes; spit in hand, doing duty for a spear, let us mount
guard inside the camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal
closely; for we must not fly.
EUELPIDES
You are right. But where shall we be buried, if we die?
PITHETAERUS
In the Ceramicus; for, to get a public
funeral, we shall tell
the Strategi that we fell at Orneae, fighting the country's foes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Return to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath
as the hoplites do. Then let us ask these men who they are, whence
they come, and with what
intent. Here, Epops, answer me.
EPOPS
Are you
calling me? What do you want of me?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Who are they? From what country?
EPOPS
Strangers, who have come from Greece, the land of the wise.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And what fate has led them
hither to the land of the birds?
EPOPS
Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life; to
dwell and remain with you always.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Indeed, and what are their plans?
EPOPS
They are wonderful,
incredible, unheard of.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Why, do they think to see some
advantage that determines them to
settle here? Are they hoping with our help to
triumph over their
foes or to be useful to their friends?
EPOPS
They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to
describe or
conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here,
there, above and below us; this they vouch for.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Are they mad?
EPOPS
They are the sanest people in the world.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Clever men?
EPOPS
The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world,
cunning, the cream of
knowing folk.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you, I
am beside myself with delight.
EPOPS (to two attendants)
Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside
dose to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and
under his
protection; (to PITHETAERUS) as for you, address the
birds, tell them why I have gathered them together.
PITHETAERUS
Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little ape of
an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by the
balls, nor shove things into my...
EUELPIDES (bending over and pointing his finger at his anus)
Do you mean this?
PITHETAERUS
No, I mean my eyes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Agreed.
PITHETAERUS
Swear it.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators
give me the
victory unanimously.
PITHETAERUS
It is a bargain.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only.
EPOPS (as HERALD)
Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to
your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have
posted.
CHORUS (singing)
Man is a truly
cunning creature, but
nevertheless explain. Perhaps
you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way
that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered.
Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure
me some
advantage, I will surely share it with you.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what object can have induced you to come among us? Speak
boldly, for I shall not break the truce,-until you have told us all.
PITHETAERUS
I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed the dough
of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....Slave! bring
the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands. Be quick!
EUELPIDES
Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean?
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus, no! but I am
hunting for fine, tasty words to break
down the
hardness of their hearts. (To the CHORUS) I
grieve so much
for you, who at one time were kings...
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We kings? Over whom?
PITHETAERUS
...of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even of Zeus
himself. Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the Earth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
What, older than the Earth!
PITHETAERUS
By Phoebus, yes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
By Zeus, but I never knew that before!
PITHETAERUS
That's because you are
ignorant and
heedless, and have never
read your Aesop. He is the one who tells us that the lark was born
before all other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died
of
sickness, but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied
for five days, when the bird in its dilemma
decided, for want of a
better place, to entomb its father in its own head.
EUELPIDES
So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.
PITHETAERUS
Hence, if they existed before the Earth, before the gods, the
kingship belongs to them by right of priority.
EUELPIDES
Undoubtedly, but
sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a
hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
PITHETAERUS
It was not the gods, but the birds, who were
formerly the
masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of
all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before
all other monarchs, before Darius and Megabazus. It's in memory of his
reign that he is called the Persian bird.
EUELPIDES
For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds wears
his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.
PITHETAERUS
He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on account
of his ancient power,
everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he
crows at
daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen,
corndealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and
go to work before it is daylight.
EUELPIDES
I can tell you something about that. It was the cock's fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in
town, given to
celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty
freely and had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater
hurry than the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set
out for Halimus. I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad
struck me in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to
shout, but he had already made off with my mantle.
PITHETAERUS