"Yes," she said, "it's pretty good. Upstairs and downstairs," she
sighed. "God sees to it."
"And by the by, who is that grey-headed
murderer in a tall hat whom
I saw shepherding two girls into this house?"
She put on a candid air in which one could
detect a little of her
peasant
cunning.
"Oh, yes. They are two dancing girls at the Opera, sisters, as
different from each other as I and our poor Rita. But they are
both
virtuous and that gentleman, their father, is very
severe with
them. Very
severe indeed, poor motherless things. And it seems to
be such a sinful occupation."
"I bet you make them pay a big rent, Therese. With an occupation
like that . . ."
She looked at me with eyes of invincible
innocence and began to
glide towards the door, so
smoothly that the flame of the candle
hardly swayed. "Good-night," she murmured.
"Good-night, Mademoiselle."
Then in the very
doorway she turned right round as a marionette
would turn.
"Oh, you ought to know, my dear young Monsieur, that Mr. Blunt, the
dear handsome man, has arrived from Navarre three days ago or more.
Oh," she added with a
priceless air of compunction, "he is such a
charming gentleman."
And the door shut after her.
CHAPTER IV
That night I passed in a state,
mostly open-eyed, I believe, but
always on the border between dreams and waking. The only thing
absolutely
absent from it was the feeling of rest. The usual
sufferings of a youth in love had nothing to do with it. I could
leave her, go away from her, remain away from her, without an added
pang or any augmented
consciousness of that torturing
sentiment of
distance so acute that often it ends by wearing itself out in a few
days. Far or near was all one to me, as if one could never get any
further but also never any nearer to her secret: the state like
that of some strange wild faiths that get hold of mankind with the
cruel
mystic grip of unattainable
perfection, robbing them of both
liberty and
felicity on earth. A faith presents one with some
hope, though. But I had no hope, and not even desire as a thing
outside myself, that would come and go,
exhaust or
excite. It was
in me just like life was in me; that life of which a popular saying
affirms that "it is sweet." For the general
wisdom of mankind will
always stop short on the limit of the formidable.
What is best in a state of brimful, equable
suffering is that it
does away with the gnawings of petty sensations. Too far gone to
be
sensible to hope and desire I was spared the
inferior pangs of
elation and
impatience. Hours with her or hours without her were
all alike, all in her possession! But still there are shades and I
will admit that the hours of that morning were perhaps a little
more difficult to get through than the others. I had sent word of
my
arrival of course. I had written a note. I had rung the bell.
Therese had appeared herself in her brown garb and as monachal as
ever. I had said to her:
"Have this sent off at once."
She had gazed at the addressed
envelope, smiled (I was looking up
at her from my desk), and at last took it up with an effort of
sanctimonious repugnance. But she remained with it in her hand
looking at me as though she were piously gloating over something
she could read in my face.
"Oh, that Rita, that Rita," she murmured. "And you, too! Why are
you
trying, you, too, like the others, to stand between her and the
mercy of God? What's the good of all this to you? And you such a
nice, dear, young gentleman. For no
earthly good only making all
the kind saints in heaven angry, and our mother
ashamed in her
place
amongst the blessed."
"Mademoiselle Therese," I said, "vous etes folle."
I believed she was crazy. She was
cunning, too. I added an
imperious: "Allez," and with a strange docility she glided out
without another word. All I had to do then was to get dressed and
wait till eleven o'clock.
The hour struck at last. If I could have plunged into a light wave
and been transported instantaneously to Dona Rita's door it would
no doubt have saved me an infinity of pangs too
complex for
analysis; but as this was impossible I elected to walk from end to
end of that long way. My emotions and sensations were childlike
and chaotic
inasmuch that they were very
intense and
primitive, and
that I lay very
helpless in their unrelaxing grasp. If one could
have kept a record of one's
physical sensations it would have been
a fine
collection of absurdities and contradictions. Hardly
touching the ground and yet leaden-footed; with a sinking heart and
an
excited brain; hot and trembling with a secret faintness, and
yet as firm as a rock and with a sort of
indifference to it all, I
did reach the door which was
frightfully like any other commonplace
door, but at the same time had a fateful
character: a few planks
put together - and an awful
symbol; not to be approached without
awe - and yet coming open in the ordinary way to the ring of the
bell.
It came open. Oh, yes, very much as usual. But in the ordinary
course of events the first sight in the hall should have been the
back of the ubiquitous, busy, silent maid hurrying off and already
distant. But not at all! She
actually waited for me to enter. I
was
extremely taken aback and I believe spoke to her for the first
time in my life.
"Bonjour, Rose."
She dropped her dark eyelids over those eyes that ought to have
been lustrous but were not, as if somebody had breathed on them the
first thing in the morning. She was a girl without smiles. She
shut the door after me, and not only did that but in the incredible
idleness of that morning she, who had never a moment to spare,
started helping me off with my
overcoat. It was positively
embarrassing from its
novelty. While busying herself with those
trifles she murmured without any marked
intention:
"Captain Blunt is with Madame."
This didn't exactly surprise me. I knew he had come up to town; I
only happened to have forgotten his
existence for the moment. I
looked at the girl also without any particular
intention. But she
arrested my
movement towards the dining-room door by a low,
hurried, if
perfectly unemotional appeal:
"Monsieur George!"
That of course was not my name. It served me then as it will serve
for this story. In all sorts of strange places I was alluded to as
"that young gentleman they call Monsieur George." Orders came from
"Monsieur George" to men who nodded
knowingly. Events pivoted
about "Monsieur George." I haven't the slightest doubt that in the
dark and tortuous streets of the old Town there were fingers
pointed at my back: there goes "Monsieur George." I had been
introduced discreetly to several
considerable persons as "Monsieur
George." I had
learned to answer to the name quite naturally; and
to
simplify matters I was also "Monsieur George" in the street of
the Consuls and in the Villa on the Prado. I
verify believe that
at that time I had the feeling that the name of George really
belonged to me. I waited for what the girl had to say. I had to
wait some time, though during that silence she gave no sign of
distress or
agitation. It was for her
obviously a moment of
reflection. Her lips were
compressed a little in a
characteristic,
capable manner. I looked at her with a
friendliness I really felt
towards her slight, unattractive, and dependable person.
"Well," I said at last, rather amused by this
mentalhesitation. I
never took it for anything else. I was sure it was not distrust.
She appreciated men and things and events
solely in relation to
Dona Rita's
welfare and safety. And as to that I believed myself
above
suspicion. At last she spoke.
"Madame is not happy." This information was given to me not
emotionally but as it were
officially. It hadn't even a tone of
warning. A mere statement. Without
waiting to see the effect she