it is a different matter! You Petersburg con-
querors! You have but to look -- and women
melt. . . But do you know, Pechorin, what
Princess Mary said of you?" . . .
"What? She has
spoken to you already
about me?" . . .
"Do not
rejoice too soon, though. The other
day, by chance, I entered into conversation with
her at the well; her third word was, 'Who is that
gentleman with such an
unpleasant, heavy
glance? He was with you when' . . . she
blushed, and did not like to mention the day,
remembering her own
delightful little exploit.
'You need not tell me what day it was,' I
answered; 'it will ever be present to my
memory!' . . . Pechorin, my friend, I cannot
congratulate you, you are in her black books. . .
And, indeed, it is a pity, because Mary is a
charming girl!" . . .
It must be observed that Grushnitski is one of
those men who, in
speaking of a woman with
whom they are
barely acquainted, call her my
Mary, my Sophie, if she has had the good fortune
to please them.
I assumed a serious air and answered:
"Yes, she is
good-looking. . . Only be care-
ful, Grushnitski! Russian ladies, for the most
part,
cherish only Platonic love, without mingling
any thought of matrimony with it; and Platonic
love is
exceedingly embarrassing. Princess Mary
seems to be one of those women who want to be
amused. If she is bored in your company for two
minutes on end -- you are lost irrevocably. Your
silence ought to
excite her
curiosity, your con-
versation ought never to satisfy it completely;
you should alarm her every minute; ten times, in
public, she will slight people's opinion for you and
will call that a sacrifice, and, in order to requite
herself for it, she will
torment you. Afterwards
she will simply say that she cannot
endure you.
If you do not
acquire authority over her, even her
first kiss will not give you the right to a second.
She will flirt with you to her heart's content, and,
in two years' time, she will marry a
monster, in
obedience to her mother, and will assure herself
that she is
unhappy, that she has loved only one
man -- that is to say, you -- but that Heaven was
not
willing to unite her to him because he wore a
soldier's cloak, although beneath that thick, grey
cloak beat a heart,
passionate and noble" . . .
Grushnitski smote the table with his fist
and fell to walking to and fro across the
room.
I laughed
inwardly and even smiled once or
twice, but
fortunately he did not notice. It is
evident that he is in love, because he has grown
even more confiding than
heretofore. Moreover,
a ring has made its appearance on his finger, a
silver ring with black
enamel of local workman-
ship. It struck me as
suspicious. . . I began
to examine it, and what do you think I saw? The
name Mary was engraved on the inside in small
letters, and in a line with the name was the date
on which she had picked up the famous tumbler.
I kept my discovery a secret. I do not want to
force
confessions from him, I want him, of his
own
accord, to choose me as his confidant -- and
then I will enjoy myself! . . .
. . . . .
To-day I rose late. I went to the well. I
found nobody there. The day grew hot. White,
shaggy cloudlets were flitting rapidly from the
snow-clad mountains, giving promise of a thunder-
storm; the
summit of Mount Mashuk was
smoking like a just extinguished torch; grey
wisps of cloud were coiling and creeping like
snakes around it, arrested in their rapid sweep
and, as it were,
hooked to its prickly brushwood.
The
atmosphere was charged with
electricity. I
plunged into the avenue of the vines leading to
the
grotto.
I felt low-spirited. I was thinking of the lady
with the little mole on her cheek, of whom the
doctor had
spoken to me. . . "Why is she
here?" I thought. "And is it she? And what
reason have I for thinking it is? And why am I
so certain of it? Is there not many a woman
with a mole on her cheek?" Reflecting in such
wise I came right up to the
grotto. I looked in
and I saw that a woman, wearing a straw hat and
wrapped in a black shawl, was sitting on a stone
seat in the cold shade of the arch. Her head was
sunk upon her breast, and the hat covered her face.
I was just about to turn back, in order not
to
disturb her meditations, when she glanced
at me.
"Vera!" I exclaimed involuntarily.
She started and turned pale.
"I knew that you were here," she said.
I sat down beside her and took her hand. A
long-forgotten tremor ran through my veins at
the sound of that dear voice. She gazed into my
face with her deep, calm eyes. Mistrust and
something in the nature of
reproach were ex-
pressed in her glance.
"We have not seen each other for a long time,"
I said.
"A long time, and we have both changed in
many ways."
"Consequently you love me no longer?" . . .
"I am married!" . . . she said.
"Again? A few years ago, however, that
reason also existed, but, nevertheless" . . .
She plucked her hand away from mine and her
cheeks flamed.
"Perhaps you love your second husband?" . . .
She made no answer and turned her head
away.
"Or is he very jealous?"
She remained silent.
"What then? He is young, handsome and,
I suppose, rich -- which is the chief thing -- and
you are afraid?" . . .
I glanced at her and was alarmed. Profound
despair was depicted upon her countenance;
tears were glistening in her eyes.
"Tell me," she whispered at length, "do you
find it very
amusing to
torture me? I ought to
hate you. Since we have known each other, you
have given me
naught but suffering" . . .
Her voice shook; she leaned over to me, and
let her head sink upon my breast.
"Perhaps," I reflected, "it is for that very
reason that you have loved me; joys are forgotten,
but sorrows never" . . .
I clasped her closely to my breast, and so we
remained for a long time. At length our lips drew
closer and became blent in a
fervent, intoxicating
kiss. Her hands were cold as ice; her head was
burning.
And hereupon we embarked upon one of those
conversations which, on paper, have no sense,
which it is impossible to repeat, and impossible
even to
retain in memory. The meaning of the
sounds replaces and completes the meaning of the
words, as in Italian opera.
She is
decidedlyaverse to my making the
acquaintance of her husband, the lame old man
of whom I had caught a
glimpse on the boulevard.
She married him for the sake of her son. He is
rich, and suffers from attacks of
rheumatism. I
did not allow myself even a single scoff at his
expense. She respects him as a father, and will
deceive him as a husband. . . A strange thing,
the human heart in general, and woman's heart
in particular.
Vera's husband, Semyon Vasilevich G----v,
is a distant relation of Princess Ligovski. He
lives next door to her. Vera frequently visits the
Princess. I have given her my promise to make
the Ligovskis'
acquaintance, and to pay court to
Princess Mary in order to
distract attention from
Vera. In such way, my plans have been not a little
deranged, but it will be
amusing for me. . .
Amusing! . . . Yes, I have already passed
that period of
spiritual life when happiness alone
is sought, when the heart feels the urgent
necessity of
violently and
passionately loving
somebody. Now my only wish is to be loved, and
that by very few. I even think that I would be
content with one
constantattachment. A
wretched habit of the heart! . . .
One thing has always struck me as strange. I
have never made myself the slave of the woman
I have loved. On the
contrary, I have always
acquired an invincible power over her will and
heart, without in the least endeavouring to do so.
Why is this? Is it because I never
esteem any-
thing highly, and she has been
continually afraid
to let me out of her hands? Or is it the magnetic
influence of a powerful
organism? Or is it,
simply, that I have never succeeded in meeting a
woman of
stubborncharacter?
I must
confess that, in fact, I do not love
women who possess strength of
character. What
business have they with such a thing?
Indeed, I remember now. Once and once only
did I love a woman who had a firm will which I
was never able to
vanquish. . . We parted as
enemies -- and then, perhaps, if I had met her
five years later we would have parted other-
wise. . .
Vera is ill, very ill, although she does not
admit it. I fear she has
consumption, or that
disease which is called "fievre lente" -- a quite un-
Russian disease, and one for which there is no
name in our language.
The storm
overtook us while in the
grotto and
detained us half an hour longer. Vera did not
make me swear
fidelity, or ask whether I had
loved others since we had parted. . . She trusted