- What did I say to the
schoolmistress? - Permit me one moment. I
don't doubt your
delicacy and good-breeding; but in this particular
case, as I was allowed the
privilege of walking alone with a very
interesting young woman, you must allow me to remark, in the
classicversion of a familiar
phrase, used by our Master Benjamin
Franklin, it is NULLUM TUI NEGOTII.
When the
schoolmistress and I reached the school-room door, the
damask roses I spoke of were so much heightened in color by
exercise that I felt sure it would be useful to her to take a
stroll like this every morning, and made up my mind I would ask her
to let me join her again.
EXTRACT FROM MY PRIVATE JOURNAL.
(TO BE BURNED UNREAD.)
I am afraid I have been a fool; for I have told as much of myself
to this young person as if she were of that ripe and
discreet age
which invites confidence and expansive
utterance. I have been low-
spirited and listless,
lately, - it is coffee, I think, - (I
observe that which is bought READY-GROUND never affects the head,)
- and I notice that I tell my secrets too easily when I am
downhearted.
There are inscriptions on our hearts, which, like that on Dighton
Rock, are never to be seen except at dead-low tide.
There is a woman's
footstep on the sand at the side of my deepest
ocean-buried inscription!
- Oh, no, no, no! a thousand times, no! - Yet what is this which
has been shaping itself in my soul? - Is it a thought? - is it a
dream? - is it a PASSION? - Then I know what comes next.
- The Asylum stands on a bright and breezy hill; those glazed
corridors are pleasant to walk in, in bad weather. But there are
iron bars to all the windows. When it is fair, some of us can
stroll outside that very high fence. But I never see much life in
those groups I sometimes meet; - and then the careful man watches
them so closely! How I remember that sad company I used to pass on
fine mornings, when I was a schoolboy! - B., with his arms full of
yellow weeds, - ore from the gold mines which he discovered long
before we heard of California, - Y., born to millions, crazed by
too much plum-cake, (the boys said,) dogged,
explosive, - made a
Polyphemus of my weak-eyed
schoolmaster, by a
vicious flirt with a
stick, - (the multi-millonnaires sent him a
trifle, it was said, to
buy another eye with; but boys are
jealous of rich folks, and I
don't doubt the good people made him easy for life,) - how I
remember them all!
I
recollect, as all do, the story of the Hall of Eblis, in
"Vathek," and how each shape, as it lifted its hand from its
breast, showed its heart, - a burning coal. The real Hall of Eblis
stands on yonder
summit. Go there on the next visiting-day, and
ask that figure crouched in the corner, huddled up like those
Indian mummies and skeletons found buried in the sitting posture,
to lift its hand, - look upon its heart, and behold, not fire, but
ashes. - No, I must not think of such an ending! Dying would be a
much more gentlemanly way of meeting the difficulty. Make a will
and leave her a house or two and some stocks, and other little
financial conveniences, to take away her necessity for keeping
school. - I wonder what nice young man's feet would be in my French
slippers before six months were over! Well, what then? If a man
really loves a woman, of course he wouldn't marry her for the
world, if he were not quite sure that he was the best person she
could by any
possibility marry.
- It is odd enough to read over what I have just been
writing. - It
is the merest fancy that ever was in the world. I shall never be
married. She will; and if she is as pleasant as she has been so
far, I will give her a silver tea-set, and go and take tea with her
and her husband, sometimes. No coffee, I hope, though, - it
depresses me sadly. I feel very
miserably; - they must have been
grinding it at home. - Another morning walk will be good for me,
and I don't doubt the
schoolmistress will be glad of a little fresh
air before school.
- The throbbing flushes of the
poetical intermittent have been
coming over me from time to time of late. Did you ever see that
electrical experiment which consists in passing a flash through
letters of gold-leaf in a darkened room,
whereupon some name or
legend springs out of the darkness in characters of fire?