died. But what death was I never had any very
distinct idea, until
one day I climbed the low stone wall of the old burial-ground and
mingled with a group that were looking into a very deep, long,
narrow hole, dug down through the green sod, down through the brown
loam, down through the yellow
gravel, and there at the bottom was
an oblong red box, and a still, sharp, white face of a young man
seen through an
opening at one end of it. When the lid was closed,
and the
gravel and stones rattled down pell-mell, and the woman in
black, who was crying and wringing her hands, went off with the
other mourners, and left him, then I felt that I had seen Death,
and should never forget him.
One other
acquaintance I made at an earlier period of life than the
habit of romancers authorizes. - Love, of course. - She was a
famous beauty afterwards. - I am satisfied that many children
rehearse their parts in the drama of life before they have shed all
their milk-teeth. - I think I won't tell the story of the golden
blonde. - I suppose everybody has had his
childish fancies; but
sometimes they are
passionate impulses, which
anticipate all the
tremulous emotions belonging to a later period. Most children
remember
seeing and adoring an angel before they were a dozen years
old.
[The old gentleman had left his chair opposite and taken a seat by
the
schoolmistress and myself, a little way from the table. - It's
true, it's true, - said the old gentleman. - He took hold of a
steel watch-chain, which carried a large, square gold key at one
end and was
supposed to have some kind of time-keeper at the other.
With some trouble he dragged up an ancient-looking, thick, silver,
bull's-eye watch. He looked at it for a moment, - hesitated, -
touched the inner corner of his right eye with the pulp of his
middle finger, - looked at the face of the watch, - said it was
getting into the
forenoon, - then opened the watch and handed me
the loose outside case without a word. - The watch-paper had been
pink once, and had a faint tinge still, as if all its tender life
had not yet quite faded out. Two little birds, a flower, and, in
small school-girl letters, a date, - 17 . . - no matter. - Before I
was thirteen years old, - said the old gentleman. - I don't know
what was in that young
schoolmistress's head, nor why she should
have done it; but she took out the watch-paper and put it
softly to
her lips, as if she were kissing the poor thing that made it so
long ago. The old gentleman took the watch-paper carefully from
her, replaced it, turned away and walked out,
holding the watch in
his hand. I saw him pass the window a moment after with that
foolish white hat on his head; he couldn't have been thinking what
he was about when he put it on. So the
schoolmistress and I were
left alone. I drew my chair a shade nearer to her, and continued.]
And since I am talking of early recollections, I don't know why I
shouldn't mention some others that still cling to me, - not that
you will
attach any very particular meaning to these same images so
full of
significance to me, but that you will find something
parallel to them in your own memory. You remember, perhaps, what I
said one day about smells. There were certain SOUNDS also which
had a
mysterious suggestiveness to me, - not so
intense, perhaps,
as that connected with the other sense, but yet
peculiar, and never
to be forgotten.
The first was the creaking of the wood-sleds, bringing their loads
of oak and
walnut from the country, as the slow-swinging oxen
trailed them along over the complaining snow, in the cold, brown
light of early morning. Lying in bed and listening to their dreary
music had a pleasure in it akin to the Lucretian
luxury, or that
which Byron speaks of as to be enjoyed in looking on at a battle by
one "who hath no friend, no brother there."
There was another sound, in itself so sweet, and so connected with
one of those simple and curious superstitions of
childhood of which
I have
spoken, that I can never cease to
cherish a sad sort of love
for it. - Let me tell the
superstitious fancy first. The Puritan
"Sabbath," as everybody knows, began at "sundown" on Saturday
evening. To such
observance of it I was born and bred. As the
large, round disk of day declined, a
stillness, a
solemnity, a
somewhat
melancholy hush came over us all. It was time for work to
cease, and for playthings to be put away. The world of active life
passed into the shadow of an
eclipse, not to
emerge until the sun
should sink again beneath the horizon.
It was in this
stillness of the world without and of the soul