sense of being engaged in a sort of
nursery adventure she was no
child to carry. I could just do it. But not if she chose to
struggle. I set her down
hastily and only supported her round the
waist for the rest of the way. My room, of course, was perfectly
dark but I led her straight to the sofa at once and let her fall on
it. Then as if I had in sober truth rescued her from an Alpine
height or an Arctic floe, I busied myself with nothing but lighting
the gas and starting the fire. I didn't even pause to lock my
door. All the time I was aware of her presence behind me, nay, of
something deeper and more my own - of her
existence itself - of a
small blue flame, blue like her eyes, flickering and clear within
her
frozen body. When I turned to her she was sitting very stiff
and
upright, with her feet posed, hieratically on the
carpet and
her head emerging out of the ample fur
collar, such as a gem-like
flower above the rim of a dark vase. I tore the blankets and the
pillows off my bed and piled them up in
readiness in a great heap
on the floor near the couch. My reason for this was that the room
was large, too large for the
fireplace, and the couch was nearest
to the fire. She gave no sign but one of her
wistful attempts at a
smile. In a most business-like way I took the arrow out of her
hair and laid it on the centre table. The tawny mass fell loose at
once about her shoulders and made her look even more
desolate than
before. But there was an invincible need of
gaiety in her heart.
She said funnily, looking at the arrow sparkling in the gas light:
"Ah! That poor philistinish ornament!"
An echo of our early days, not more
innocent but so much more
youthful, was in her tone; and we both, as if touched with poignant
regret, looked at each other with enlightened eyes.
"Yes," I said, "how far away all this is. And you wouldn't leave
even that object behind when you came last in here. Perhaps it is
for that reason it
haunted me -
mostly at night. I dreamed of you
sometimes as a huntress nymph gleaming white through the foliage
and throwing this arrow like a dart straight at my heart. But it
never reached it. It always fell at my feet as I woke up. The
huntress never meant to strike down that particular quarry."
"The huntress was wild but she was not evil. And she was no nymph,
but only a goatherd girl. Dream of her no more, my dear."
I had the strength of mind to make a sign of
assent and busied
myself arranging a couple of pillows at one end of the sofa. "Upon
my soul, goatherd, you are not responsible," I said. "You are not!
Lay down that
uneasy head," I continued, forcing a half-playful
note into my
immensesadness, "that has even dreamed of a crown -
but not for itself."
She lay down quietly. I covered her up, looked once into her eyes
and felt the restlessness of
fatigue over-power me so that I wanted
to
stagger out, walk straight before me,
stagger on and on till I
dropped. In the end I lost myself in thought. I woke with a start
to her voice
saying positively:
"No. Not even in this room. I can't close my eyes. Impossible.
I have a
horror of myself. That voice in my ears. All true. All
true."
She was sitting up, two masses of tawny hair fell on each side of
her tense face. I threw away the pillows from which she had risen
and sat down behind her on the couch. "Perhaps like this," I
suggested,
drawing her head
gently on my breast. She didn't
resist, she didn't even sigh, she didn't look at me or attempt to
settle herself in any way. It was I who settled her after
takingup a position which I thought I should be able to keep for hours -
for ages. After a time I grew
composed enough to become aware of
the ticking of the clock, even to take pleasure in it. The beat
recorded the moments of her rest, while I sat, keeping as still as
if my life depended upon it with my eyes fixed idly on the arrow of
gold gleaming and glittering dimly on the table under the lowered
gas-jet. And
presently my
breathing fell into the quiet
rhythm of
the sleep which descended on her at last. My thought was that now
nothing mattered in the world because I had the world safe resting
in my arms - or was it in my heart?
Suddenly my heart seemed torn in two within my breast and half of
my
breath knocked out of me. It was a tumultuous
awakening. The
day had come. Dona Rita had opened her eyes, found herself in my
arms, and
instantly had flung herself out of them with one sudden
effort. I saw her already
standing in the filtered
sunshine of the
closed shutters, with all the childlike
horror and shame of that
night vibrating afresh in the awakened body of the woman.
"Daylight," she whispered in an appalled voice. "Don't look at me,
George. I can't face
daylight. No - not with you. Before we set