mistaken in you, that's all.' With that he pretends to dash a tear
from his eye-crocodile! - and goes out, leaving me in my fur by the
blazing fire, my teeth going like castanets. . . Did you ever hear
of anything so
stupid as this affair?" she concluded in a tone of
extreme
candour and a
profound unreadable stare that went far
beyond us both. And the
stillness of her lips was so perfect
directly she ceased
speaking that I wondered whether all this had
come through them or only had formed itself in my mind.
Presently she continued as if
speaking for herself only.
"It's like
taking the lids off boxes and
seeing ugly toads staring
at you. In every one. Every one. That's what it is having to do
with men more than mere - Good-morning - Good evening. And if you
try to avoid meddling with their lids, some of them will take them
off themselves. And they don't even know, they don't even suspect
what they are showing you. Certain confidences - they don't see it
- are the bitterest kind of
insult. I suppose Azzolati imagines
himself a noble beast of prey. Just as some others imagine
themselves to be most
delicate, noble, and
refined gentlemen. And
as likely as not they would trade on a woman's troubles - and in
the end make nothing of that either. Idiots!"
The utter
absence of all anger in this
spokenmeditation gave it a
character of
touchingsimplicity. And as if it had been truly only
a
meditation we conducted ourselves as though we had not heard it.
Mills began to speak of his experiences during his visit to the
army of the Legitimist King. And I discovered in his speeches that
this man of books could be
graphic and
picturesque. His admiration
for the
devotion and
bravery of the army was combined with the
greatest distaste for what he had seen of the way its great
qualities were misused. In the conduct of this great
enterprise he
had seen a
deplorable levity of
outlook, a fatal lack of decision,
an
absence of any reasoned plan.
He shook his head.
"I feel that you of all people, Dona Rita, ought to be told the
truth. I don't know exactly what you have at stake."
She was rosy like some impassive
statue in a desert in the flush of
the dawn.
"Not my heart," she said quietly. "You must believe that."
"I do. Perhaps it would have been better if you. . . "
"No, Monsieur le Philosophe. It would not have been better. Don't
make that serious face at me," she went on with
tenderness in a
playful note, as if
tenderness had been her
inheritance of all time
and playfulness the very fibre of her being. "I suppose you think
that a woman who has acted as I did and has not staked her heart on
it is . . . How do you know to what the heart responds as it beats
from day to day?"
"I wouldn't judge you. What am I before the knowledge you were
born to? You are as old as the world."
She accepted this with a smile. I who was
innocently watching them
was amazed to discover how much a
fleeting thing like that could
hold of seduction without the help of any other feature and with
that unchanging glance.
"With me it is pun d'onor. To my first independent friend."
"You were soon parted," ventured Mills, while I sat still under a
sense of oppression.
"Don't think for a moment that I have been scared off," she said.
"It is they who were frightened. I suppose you heard a lot of
Headquarters gossip?"
"Oh, yes," Mills said meaningly. "The fair and the dark are
succeeding each other like leaves blown in the wind dancing in and
out. I suppose you have noticed that leaves blown in the wind have
a look of happiness."
"Yes," she said, "that sort of leaf is dead. Then why shouldn't it
look happy? And so I suppose there is no
uneasiness, no occasion
for fears
amongst the 'responsibles.'"
"Upon the whole not. Now and then a leaf seems as if it would
stick. There is for
instance Madame . . ."
"Oh, I don't want to know, I understand it all, I am as old as the
world."
"Yes," said Mills
thoughtfully, "you are not a leaf, you might have
been a tornado yourself."
"Upon my word," she said, "there was a time that they thought I
could carry him off, away from them all - beyond them all. Verily,
I am not very proud of their fears. There was nothing reckless
there
worthy of a great
passion. There was nothing sad there
worthy of a great
tenderness."