looking at me. Dona Rita added, "Mr. Mills and I are friends from
old times, you know."
Bathed in the softened
reflection of the
sunshine, which did not
fall directly into the room,
standing very straight with her arms
down, before Mills, and with a faint smile directed to me, she
looked
extremely" target="_blank" title="ad.极端地;非常地">
extremely young, and yet
mature. There was even, for a
moment, a slight
dimple in her cheek.
"How old, I wonder?" I said, with an answering smile.
"Oh, for ages, for ages," she exclaimed
hastily, frowning a little,
then she went on addressing herself to Mills,
apparently in
continuation of what she was
saying before.
. . . "This man's is an
extreme case, and yet perhaps it isn't the
worst. But that's the sort of thing. I have no
account to render
to anybody, but I don't want to be dragged along all the gutters
where that man picks up his living."
She had thrown her head back a little but there was no scorn, no
angry flash under the dark-lashed eyelids. The words did not ring.
I was struck for the first time by the even,
mysterious quality of
her voice.
"Will you let me suggest," said Mills, with a grave, kindly face,
"that being what you are, you have nothing to fear?"
"And perhaps nothing to lose," she went on without bitterness.
"No. It isn't fear. It's a sort of dread. You must remember that
no nun could have had a more protected life. Henry Allegre had his
greatness. When he faced the world he also masked it. He was big
enough for that. He filled the whole field of
vision for me."
"You found that enough?" asked Mills.
"Why ask now?" she remonstrated. "The truth - the truth is that I
never asked myself. Enough or not there was no room for anything
else. He was the shadow and the light and the form and the voice.
He would have it so. The morning he died they came to call me at
four o'clock. I ran into his room bare-footed. He recognized me
and
whispered, 'You are flawless.' I was very frightened. He
seemed to think, and then said very
plainly, 'Such is my character.
I am like that.' These were the last words he spoke. I hardly
noticed them then. I was thinking that he was lying in a very
uncomfortable position and I asked him if I should lift him up a
little higher on the pillows. You know I am very strong. I could
have done it. I had done it before. He raised his hand off the
blanket just enough to make a sign that he didn't want to be
touched. It was the last
gesture he made. I hung over him and
then - and then I nearly ran out of the house just as I was, in my
night-gown. I think if I had been dressed I would have run out of
the garden, into the street - run away
altogether. I had never
seen death. I may say I had never heard of it. I wanted to run
from it."
She paused for a long, quiet
breath. The harmonized
sweetness and
daring of her face was made
pathetic by her
downcast eyes.
"Fuir la mort," she
repeated, meditatively, in her
mysteriousvoice.
Mills' big head had a little
movement, nothing more. Her glance
glided for a moment towards me like a friendly
recognition of my
right to be there, before she began again.
"My life might have been described as looking at mankind from a
fourth-floor window for years. When the end came it was like
falling out of a
balcony into the street. It was as sudden as
that. Once I remember somebody was telling us in the Pavilion a
tale about a girl who jumped down from a fourth-floor window. . .
For love, I believe," she interjected very quickly, "and came to no
harm. Her
guardian angel must have slipped his wings under her
just in time. He must have. But as to me, all I know is that I
didn't break anything - not even my heart. Don't be shocked, Mr.
Mills. It's very likely that you don't understand."
"Very likely," Mills assented,
unmoved. "But don't be too sure of
that."
"Henry Allegre had the highest opinion of your intelligence," she
said
unexpectedly and with
evidentseriousness. "But all this is
only to tell you that when he was gone I found myself down there
unhurt, but dazed, bewildered, not
sufficiently stunned. It so
happened that that creature was somewhere in the neighbourhood.
How he found out. . . But it's his business to find out things.
And he knows, too, how to worm his way in
anywhere. Indeed, in the
first days he was useful and somehow he made it look as if Heaven