Beat. Ah, how much might the man
deserve of me that would right
her!
Bene. Is there any way to show such friendship?
Beat. A very even way, but no such friend.
Bene. May a man do it?
Beat. It is a man's office, but not yours.
Bene. I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not that
strange?
Beat. As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for
me to say I loved nothing so well as you. But believe me not; and
yet I lie not. I
confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry
for my cousin.
Bene. By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
Beat. Do not swear, and eat it.
Bene. I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him eat
it that says I love not you.
Beat. Will you not eat your word?
Bene. With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love
thee.
Beat. Why then, God
forgive me!
Bene. What offence, sweet Beatrice?
Beat. You have stayed me in a happy hour. I was about to protest I
loved you.
Bene. And do it with all thy heart.
Beat. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to
protest.
Bene. Come, bid me do anything for thee.
Beat. Kill Claudio.
Bene. Ha! not for the wide world!
Beat. You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
Bene. Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
Beat. I am gone, though I am here. There is no love in you. Nay, I
pray you let me go.
Bene. Beatrice--
Beat. In faith, I will go.
Bene. We'll be friends first.
Beat. You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine
enemy.
Bene. Is Claudio thine enemy?
Beat. Is 'a not approved in the
height a
villain, that hath
slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a
man! What? bear her in hand until they come to take hands, and
then with public
accusation, uncover'd
slander, unmitigated
rancour--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the
market place.
Bene. Hear me, Beatrice!
Beat. Talk with a man out at a window!-a proper saying!
Bene. Nay but Beatrice--
Beat. Sweet Hero! she is wrong'd, she is sland'red, she is undone.
Bene. Beat--
Beat. Princes and Counties! Surely a
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princelytestimony, a goodly
count, Count Comfect, a sweet
gallant surely! O that I were a man
for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my
sake! But
manhood is melted into cursies,
valour into compliment,
and men are only turn'd into tongue, and trim ones too. He is now
as
valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie,and swears it. I
cannot be a man with wishing;
therefore I will die a woman with
grieving.
Bene. Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
Beat. Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
Bene. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wrong'd Hero?
Beat. Yea, as sure is I have a thought or a soul.
Bene. Enough, I am engag'd, I will
challenge him. I will kiss your
hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a
dear
account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go comfort your
cousin. I must say she is dead-and so farewell.
[Exeunt.]
Scene II.
A prison.
Enter the Constables [Dogberry and Verges] and the Sexton,
in gowns, [and the Watch, with Conrade and] Borachio.
Dog. Is our whole dissembly appear'd?
Verg. O, a stool and a
cushion for the sexton.
Sex. Which be the malefactors?
Dog. Marry, that am I and my partner.
Verg. Nay, that's certain. We have the
exhibition to examine.
Sex. But which are the
offenders that are to be examined? let them
come before Master Constable.
Dog. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name,
friend?
Bor. Borachio.
Dog. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Con. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Dog. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve
God?
Both. Yea, sir, we hope.
Dog. Write down that they hope they serve God; and write God first,
for God defend but God should go before such
villains! Masters,
it is proved already that you are little better than false
knaves, and it will go near to be thought so
shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
Con. Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dog. A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about
with him. Come you
hither, sirrah. A word in your ear. Sir, I say
to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
Bora. Sir, I say to you we are none.
Dog. Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale.
Have you writ down that they are none?
Sex. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. You must call
forth the watch that are their
accusers.
Dog. Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth.
Masters, I
charge you in the Prince's name
accuse these men.
1. Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John the Prince's brother
was a
villain.
Dog. Write down Prince John a
villain. Why, this is flat perjury,
to call a
prince's brother
villain.
Bora. Master Constable--
Dog. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise
thee.
Sex. What heard you him say else?
2. Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John
for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dog. Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verg. Yea, by th' mass, that it is.
Sex. What else, fellow?
1. Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole
assembly, and not marry her.
Dog. O
villain! thou wilt be condemn'd into
everlasting redemption
for this.
Sex. What else?
Watchmen. This is all.
Sex. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is
this morning
secretly stol'n away. Hero was in this manner
accus'd, in this manner refus'd, and upon the grief of this
suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound and
brought to Leonato's. I will go before and show him their
examination. [Exit.]
Dog. Come, let them be opinion'd.
Verg. Let them be in the hands--
Con. Off, coxcomb!
Dog. God's my life, where's the sexton? Let him write down the
Prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou
naughty varlet!
Con. Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
Dog. Dost thou not
suspect my place? Dost thou not
suspect my
years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters,
remember that I am an ass. Though it be not written down, yet
forget not that I am an ass. No, thou
villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be prov'd upon thee by good
witness. I am a wise
fellow; and which is more, an officer; and which is more, a
householder; and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any
is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to! and a rich
fellow enough, go to! and a fellow that hath had losses; and one
that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him
away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
Exeunt.
ACT V. Scene I.
The street, near Leonato's house.
Enter Leonato and his brother [ Antonio].
Ant. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself,
And 'tis not
wisdom thus to second grief
Against yourself.
Leon. I pray thee cease thy
counsel,
Which falls into mine ears as profitless
As water in a sieve. Give not me
counsel,
Nor let no
comforter delight mine ear
But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
Bring me a father that so lov'd his child,
Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
And bid him speak to me of patience.
Measure his woe the length and
breadth of mine,
And let it answer every
strain for
strain,
As thus for thus, and such a grief for such,
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form.
If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem' when he should groan,
Patch grief with proverbs, make
misfortune drunk
With candle-wasters--bring him yet to me,
And I of him will gather patience.
But there is no such man; for, brother, men
Can
counsel and speak comfort to that grief
Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
Their
counsel turns to
passion, which before
Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
Fetter strong
madness in a
silken thread,
Charm ache with air and agony with words.
No, no! 'Tis all men's office to speak patience
To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
But no man's
virtue nor sufficiency
To be so moral when he shall
endureThe like himself. Therefore give me no
counsel.
My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
Ant. Therein do men from children nothing differ.
Leon. I pray thee peace. I will be flesh and blood;
For there was never yet philosopher
That could
endure the toothache patiently,
However they have writ the style of gods
And made a push at chance and sufferance.
Ant. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself.
Make those that do
offend you suffer too.
Leon. There thou speak'st reason. Nay, I will do so.
My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
And that shall Claudio know; so shall the Prince,
And all of them that thus dishonour her.
Enter Don Pedro and Claudio.
Ant. Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.
Pedro. Good den, Good den.
Claud. Good day to both of you.
Leon. Hear you, my lords!
Pedro. We have some haste, Leonato.
Leon. Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord.
Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one.