Pedro. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
Ant. If he could right himself with quarrelling,
Some of us would lie low.
Claud. Who wrongs him?
Leon. Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou!
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
I fear thee not.
Claud. Mary, beshrew my hand
If it should give your age such cause of fear.
In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
Leon. Tush, tush, man! never fleer and jest at me
I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
As under
privilege of age to brag
What I have done being young, or what would do,
Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
Thou hast so wrong'd mine
innocent child and me
That I am forc'd to lay my
reverence by
And, with grey hairs and
bruise of many days,
Do
challenge thee to trial of a man.
I say thou hast belied mine
innocent child;
Thy
slander hath gone through and through her heart,
And she lied buried with her ancestors-
O, in a tomb where never
scandal slept,
Save this of hers, fram'd by thy villany!
Claud. My villany?
Leon. Thine, Claudio; thine I say.
Pedro. You say not right, old man
Leon. My lord, my lord,
I'll prove it on his body if he dare,
Despite his nice fence and his active practice,
His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
Claud. Away! I will not have to do with you.
Leon. Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child.
If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
And. He shall kill two of us, and men indeed
But that's no matter; let him kill one first.
Win me and wear me! Let him answer me.
Come, follow me, boy,. Come, sir boy, come follow me.
Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence!
Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
Leon. Brother--
Ant. Content yourself. God knows I lov'd my niece,
And she is dead,
slander'd to death by
villains,
That dare as well answer a man indeed
As I dare take a
serpent by the tongue.
Boys, apes, braggarts, jacks, milksops!
Leon. Brother Anthony--
Ant. Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
And what they weigh, even to the
utmost scruple,
Scambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys,
That lie and cog and flout, deprave and
slander,
Go anticly, show
outward hideousness,
And speak off half a dozen dang'rous words,
How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
And this is all.
Leon. But, brother Anthony--
Ant. Come, 'tis no matter.
Do not you
meddle; let me deal in this.
Pedro. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
My heart is sorry for your daughter's death;
But, on my honour, she was charg'd with nothing
But what was true, and very full of proof.
Leon. My lord, my lord--
Pedro. I will not hear you.
Leon. No? Come, brother, away!--I will be heard.
Ant. And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
Exeunt ambo.
Enter Benedick.
Pedro. See, see! Here comes the man we went to seek.
Claud. Now, signior, what news?
Bene. Good day, my lord.
Pedro. Welcome, signior. You are almost come to part almost a fray.
Claud. We had lik'd to have had our two noses snapp'd off with two
old men without teeth.
Pedro. Leonato and his brother. What think'st thou? Had we fought,
I doubt we should have been too young for them.
Bene. In a false quarrel there is no true
valour. I came to seek
you both.
Claud. We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are high-proof
melancholy, and would fain have it
beaten away. Wilt thou use thy
wit?
Bene. It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it?
Pedro. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
Claud. Never any did so, though very many have been beside their
wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrel--draw to
pleasure us.
Pedro. As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick or
angry?
Claud. What, courage, man! What though care kill'd a cat, thou hast
mettle enough in thee to kill care.
Bene. Sir, I shall meet your wit in the
career an you
charge it
against me. I pray you choose another subject.
Claud. Nay then, give him another staff; this last was broke cross.
Pedro. By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry
indeed.
Claud. If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
Bene. Shall I speak a word in your ear?
Claud. God bless me from a
challenge!
Bene. [aside to Claudio] You are a
villain. I jest not; I will make
it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do
me right, or I will protest your
cowardice. You have kill'd a
sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear
from you.
Claud. Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
Pedro. What, a feast, a feast?
Claud. I' faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a calve's head and
a capon, the which if I do not carve most
curiously, say my
knife's
naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?
Bene. Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
Pedro. I'll tell thee how Beatrice prais'd thy wit the other day. I
said thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,' said she, 'a fine little
one.' 'No,' said I, 'a great wit.' 'Right,' says she, 'a great
gross one.' 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit.' 'Just,' said she, 'it
hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman is wise.' 'Certain,'
said she, a wise gentleman.' 'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the
tongues.' 'That I believe' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me
on Monday night which he forswore on Tuesday morning. There's a
double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus did she an hour
together transshape thy particular virtues. Yet at last she
concluded with a sigh, thou wast the proper'st man in Italy.
Claud. For the which she wept
heartily and said she cared not.
Pedro. Yea, that she did; but yet, for all that, an if she did not
hate him
deadly, she would love him
dearly. The old man's
daughter told us all.
Claud. All, all! and
moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the
garden.
Pedro. But when shall we set the
savage bull's horns on the
sensible Benedick's head?
Claud. Yea, and text
underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick, the married
man'?
Bene. Fare you well, boy; you know my mind. I will leave you now to
your gossiplike
humour. You break jests as braggards do their
blades, which God be thanked hurt not. My lord, for your many
courtesies I thank you. I must
discontinue your company. Your
brother the
bastard is fled from Messina. You have among you
kill'd a sweet and
innocent lady. For my Lord Lackbeard there, he
and I shall meet; and till then peace be with him.
[Exit.]
Pedro. He is in
earnest.
Claud. In most
profoundearnest; and, I'll
warrant you, for the
love of Beatrice.
Pedro. And hath challeng'd thee.
Claud. Most sincerely.
Pedro. What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
doublet and
hose and leaves off his wit!
Enter Constables [Dogberry and Verges, with the Watch, leading]
Conrade and Borachio.
Claud. He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a doctor to
such a man.
Pedro. But, soft you, let me be! Pluck up, my heart, and be sad!
Did he not say my brother was fled?
Dog. Come you, sir. If justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er
weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing
hypocrite once, you must be look'd to.
Pedro. How now? two of my brother's men bound? Borachio one.
Claud. Hearken after their offence, my lord.
Pedro. Officers, what offence have these men done?
Dog. Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
moreover, they
have
spoken untruths; secondarily, they are
slanders; sixth and
lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified
unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
Pedro. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee
what's their offence; sixth and
lastly, why they are committed;
and to conclude, what you lay to their
charge.
Claud. Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and by my troth
there's one meaning well suited.
Pedro. Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to
your answer? This
learnedconstable is too
cunning to be
understood. What's your offence?
Bora. Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer. Do you
hear me, and let this Count kill me. I have deceived even your
very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow
fools have brought to light, who in the night overheard me
confessing to this man, how Don John your brother incensed me to
slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the
orchard and
saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgrac'd her
when you should marry her. My villany they have upon record,
which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my
shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master's false
accusation; and
briefly, I desire nothing but the
reward of a
villain.
Pedro. Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
Claud. I have drunk
poison whiles he utter'd it.
Pedro. But did my brother set thee on to this?
Bora. Yea, and paid me
richly for the practice of it.
Pedro. He is compos'd and fram'd of treachery,
And fled he is upon this villany.
Claud. Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear
In the rare
semblance that I lov'd it first.
Dog. Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our sexton hath
reformed Signior Leonato of the matter. And, masters, do not
forget to
specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an
ass.
Verg. Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the sexton too.
Enter Leonato, his brother [Antonio], and the Sexton.
Leon. Which is the
villain? Let me see his eyes,
That, when I note another man like him,
I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
Bora. If you would know your wronger, look on me.
Leon. Art thou the slave that with thy
breath hast kill'd
Mine
innocent child?