Until they won her; for indeed I knew
Of no more subtle master under heaven
Than is the
maidenpassion for a maid,
Not only to keep down the base in man,
But teach high thought, and
amiable words
And courtliness, and the desire of fame,
And love of truth, and all that makes a man.
And all this throve before I
wedded thee,
Believing, "lo mine helpmate, one to feel
My purpose and
rejoicing in my joy."
Then came thy
shameful sin with Lancelot;
Then came the sin of Tristram and Isolt;
Then others, following these my mightiest knights,
And
drawing foul ensample from fair names,
Sinned also, till the
loathsome opposite
Of all my heart had destined did obtain,
And all through thee! so that this life of mine
I guard as God's high gift from scathe and wrong,
Not greatly care to lose; but rather think
How sad it were for Arthur, should he live,
To sit once more within his
lonely hall,
And miss the wonted number of my knights,
And miss to hear high talk of noble deeds
As in the golden days before thy sin.
For which of us, who might be left, could speak
Of the pure heart, nor seem to glance at thee?
And in thy bowers of Camelot or of Usk
Thy shadow still would glide from room to room,
And I should
evermore be vext with thee
In
hanging robe or
vacant ornament,
Or
ghostly footfall echoing on the stair.
For think not, though thou wouldst not love thy lord,
Thy lord hast
wholly lost his love for thee.
I am not made of so slight elements.
Yet must I leave thee, woman, to thy shame.
I hold that man the worst of public foes
Who either for his own or children's sake,
To save his blood from
scandal, lets the wife
Whom he knows false, abide and rule the house:
For being through his
cowardice allowed
Her station, taken everywhere for pure,
She like a new disease, unknown to men,
Creeps, no
precaution used, among the crowd,
Makes
wicked lightnings of her eyes, and saps
The fealty of our friends, and stirs the pulse
With devil's leaps, and poisons half the young.
Worst of the worst were that man he that reigns!
Better the King's waste
hearth and aching heart
Than thou reseated in thy place of light,
The
mockery of my people, and their bane.'
He paused, and in the pause she crept an inch
Nearer, and laid her hands about his feet.
Far off a
solitarytrumpet blew.
Then
waiting by the doors the warhorse neighed
At a friend's voice, and he spake again:
'Yet think not that I come to urge thy crimes,
I did not come to curse thee, Guinevere,
I, whose vast pity almost makes me die
To see thee, laying there thy golden head,
My pride in happier summers, at my feet.
The wrath which forced my thoughts on that
fierce law,
The doom of
treason and the
flaming death,
(When first I
learnt thee
hidden here) is past.
The pang--which while I weighed thy heart with one
Too
wholly true to dream untruth in thee,
Made my tears burn--is also past--in part.
And all is past, the sin is sinned, and I,
Lo! I
forgive thee, as Eternal God
Forgives: do thou for thine own soul the rest.
But how to take last leave of all I loved?
O golden hair, with which I used to play
Not knowing! O imperial-moulded form,
And beauty such as never woman wore,
Until it became a kingdom's curse with thee--
I cannot touch thy lips, they are not mine,
But Lancelot's: nay, they never were the King's.
I cannot take thy hand: that too is flesh,
And in the flesh thou hast sinned; and mine own flesh,
Here looking down on thine polluted, cries
"I
loathe thee:" yet not less, O Guinevere,
For I was ever
virgin save for thee,
My love through flesh hath
wrought into my life
So far, that my doom is, I love thee still.
Let no man dream but that I love thee still.
Perchance, and so thou
purify thy soul,
And so thou lean on our fair father Christ,
Hereafter in that world where all are pure
We two may meet before high God, and thou
Wilt spring to me, and claim me thine, and know
I am thine husband--not a smaller soul,
Nor Lancelot, nor another. Leave me that,
I
charge thee, my last hope. Now must I hence.
Through the thick night I hear the
trumpet blow:
They
summon me their King to lead mine hosts
Far down to that great battle in the west,
Where I must strike against the man they call
My sister's son--no kin of mine, who leagues
With Lords of the White Horse,
heathen, and knights,
Traitors--and strike him dead, and meet myself
Death, or I know not what
mysterious doom.
And thou remaining here wilt learn the event;
But
hither shall I never come again,
Never lie by thy side; see thee no more--
Farewell!'
And while she grovelled at his feet,
She felt the King's
breathwander o'er her neck,
And in the darkness o'er her fallen head,
Perceived the waving of his hands that blest.
Then, listening till those armed steps were gone,
Rose the pale Queen, and in her
anguish found
The
casement: 'peradventure,' so she thought,
'If I might see his face, and not be seen.'
And lo, he sat on
horseback at the door!
And near him the sad nuns with each a light
Stood, and he gave them
charge about the Queen,
To guard and
foster her for
evermore.
And while he spake to these his helm was lowered,
To which for crest the golden
dragon clung
Of Britain; so she did not see the face,
Which then was as an angel's, but she saw,
Wet with the mists and
smitten by the lights,
The Dragon of the great Pen
dragonship
Blaze, making all the night a steam of fire.
And even then he turned; and more and more
The moony vapour rolling round the King,
Who seemed the
phantom of a Giant in it,
Enwound him fold by fold, and made him gray
And grayer, till himself became as mist
Before her, moving ghostlike to his doom.
Then she stretched out her arms and cried aloud
'Oh Arthur!' there her voice brake suddenly,
Then--as a
stream that spouting from a cliff
Fails in mid air, but
gathering at the base
Re-makes itself, and flashes down the vale--
Went on in
passionate utterance:
'Gone--my lord!
Gone through my sin to slay and to be slain!
And he forgave me, and I could not speak.
Farewell? I should have answered his farewell.
His mercy choked me. Gone, my lord the King,
My own true lord! how dare I call him mine?
The shadow of another cleaves to me,
And makes me one pollution: he, the King,
Called me polluted: shall I kill myself?
What help in that? I cannot kill my sin,
If soul be soul; nor can I kill my shame;
No, nor by living can I live it down.
The days will grow to weeks, the weeks to months
The months will add themselves and make the years,
The years will roll into the centuries,
And mine will ever be a name of scorn.
I must not dwell on that defeat of fame.
Let the world be; that is but of the world.
What else? what hope? I think there was a hope,
Except he mocked me when he spake of hope;
His hope he called it; but he never mocks,
For
mockery is the fume of little hearts.
And
blessed be the King, who hath
forgiven
My
wickedness to him, and left me hope
That in mine own heart I can live down sin
And be his mate
hereafter in the heavens
Before high God. Ah great and gentle lord,
Who wast, as is the
conscience of a saint
Among his warring senses, to thy knights--
To whom my false voluptuous pride, that took
Full easily all impressions from below,
Would not look up, or half-despised the height
To which I would not or I could not climb--
I thought I could not
breathe in that fine air
That pure
severity of perfect light--
I yearned for
warmth and colour which I found
In Lancelot--now I see thee what thou art,
Thou art the highest and most human too,
Not Lancelot, nor another. Is there none
Will tell the King I love him though so late?
Now--ere he goes to the great Battle? none:
Myself must tell him in that purer life,
But now it were too
daring. Ah my God,
What might I not have made of thy fair world,
Had I but loved thy highest creature here?
It was my duty to have loved the highest:
It surely was my profit had I known:
It would have been my pleasure had I seen.
We needs must love the highest when we see it,
Not Lancelot, nor another.'
Here her hand
Grasped, made her vail her eyes: she looked and saw
The
novice,
weeping, suppliant, and said to her,
'Yea, little maid, for am I not
forgiven?'
Then glancing up
beheld the holy nuns
All round her,
weeping; and her heart was loosed
Within her, and she wept with these and said,
'Ye know me then, that
wicked one, who broke
The vast design and purpose of the King.
O shut me round with narrowing nunnery-walls,
Meek
maidens, from the voices crying "shame."
I must not scorn myself: he loves me still.
Let no one dream but that he loves me still.
So let me, if you do not
shudder at me,
Nor shun to call me sister, dwell with you;
Wear black and white, and be a nun like you,