--Do you recollect our walk in the Jardin des Plantes? The hire of
your cab took everything I had.'

"I told her about my sacrifices, and described the life I led; heated
not with wine, as I am to-day, but by the generousenthusiasm of my

heart, my passion overflowed in burning words; I have forgotten how
the feelings within me blazed forth; neither memory nor skill of mine

could possibly reproduce it. It was no colorless chronicle of blighted
affections; my love was strengthened by fair hopes; and such words

came to me, by love's inspiration, that each had power to set forth a
whole life--like echoes of the cries of a soul in torment. In such

tones the last prayers ascend from dying men on the battlefield. I
stopped, for she was weeping. GRAND DIEU! I had reaped an actor's

reward, the success of a counterfeitpassion displayed at the cost of
five francs paid at the theatre door. I had drawn tears from her.

" 'If I had known----' she said.
" 'Do not finish the sentence,' I broke in. 'Even now I love you well

enough to murder you----'
"She reached for the bell-pull. I burst into a roar of laughter.

" 'Do not call any one,' I said. 'I shall leave you to finish your
life in peace. It would be a blundering kind of hatred that would

murder you! You need not fear violence of any kind; I have spent a
whole night at the foot of your bed without----'

" 'Monsieur----' she said, blushing; but after that first impulse of
modesty that even the most hardened women must surely own, she flung a

scornful glance at me, and said:
" 'You must have been very cold.'

" 'Do you think that I set such value on your beauty, madame,' I
answered, guessing the thoughts that moved her. 'Your beautiful face

is for me a promise of a soul yet more beautiful. Madame, those to
whom a woman is merely a woman can always purchase odalisques fit for

the seraglio, and achieve their happiness at a small cost. But I
aspired to something higher; I wanted the life of close communion of

heart and heart with you that have no heart. I know that now. If you
were to belong to another, I could kill him. And yet, no; for you

would love him, and his death might hurt you perhaps. What agony this
is!' I cried.

" 'If it is any comfort to you,' she retorted cheerfully, 'I can
assure you that I shall never belong to any one----'

" 'So you offer an affront to God Himself,' I interrupted; 'and you
will be punished for it. Some day you will lie upon your sofa

suffering unheard-of ills, unable to endure the light or the slightest
sound, condemned to live as it were in the tomb. Then, when you seek

the causes of those lingering and avenging torments, you will remember
the woes that you distributed so lavishly upon your way. You have sown

curses, and hatred will be your reward. We are the real judges, the
executioners of a justice that reigns here below, which overrules the

justice of man and the laws of God.'
" 'No doubt it is very culpable in me not to love you,' she said,

laughing. 'Am I to blame? No. I do not love you; you are a man, that
is sufficient. I am happy by myself; why should I give up my way of

living, a selfish way, if you will, for the caprices of a master?
Marriage is a sacrament by virtue of which each imparts nothing but

vexations to the other. Children, moreover, worry me. Did I not
faithfully warn you about my nature? Why are you not satisfied to have

my friendship? I wish I could make you amends for all the troubles I
have caused you, through not guessing the value of your poor five-

franc pieces. I appreciate the extent of your sacrifices; but your
devotion and delicate tact can be repaid by love alone, and I care so

little for you, that this scene has a disagreeable effect upon me.'
" 'I am fully aware of my absurdity,' I said, unable to restrain my

tears. 'Pardon me,' I went on, 'it was a delight to hear those cruel
words you have just uttered, so well I love you. O, if I could testify

my love with every drop of blood in me!'
" 'Men always repeat these classic formulas to us, more or less

effectively,' she answered, still smiling. 'But it appears very
difficult to die at our feet, for I see corpses of that kind about

everywhere. It is twelve o'clock. Allow me to go to bed.'
" 'And in two hours' time you will cry to yourself, AH, MON DIEU!'

" 'Like the day before yesterday! Yes,' she said, 'I was thinking of
my stockbroker; I had forgotten to tell him to convert my five per

cent stock into threes, and the three per cents had fallen during the
day.'

"I looked at her, and my eyes glittered with anger. Sometimes a crime
may be a whole romance; I understood that just then. She was so

accustomed, no doubt, to the most impassioned declarations of this
kind, that my words and my tears were forgotten already.

" 'Would you marry a peer of France?' I demanded abruptly.
" 'If he were a duke, I might.'

"I seized my hat and made her a bow.
" 'Permit me to accompany you to the door,' she said, cutting irony in

her tones, in the poise of her head, and in her gesture.
" 'Madame----'

" 'Monsieur?'
" 'I shall never see you again.'

" 'I hope not,' and she insolently inclined her head.
" 'You wish to be a duchess?' I cried, excited by a sort of madness

that her insolence roused in me. 'You are wild for honors and titles?
Well, only let me love you; bid my pen write and my voice speak for

you alone; be the inmost soul of my life, my guiding star! Then, only
accept me for your husband as a minister, a peer of France, a duke. I

will make of myself whatever you would have me be!'
" 'You made good use of the time you spent with the advocate,' she

said smiling. 'There is a fervency about your pleadings.'
" 'The present is yours,' I cried, 'but the future is mine! I only

lose a woman; you are losing a name and a family. Time is big with my
revenge; time will spoil your beauty, and yours will be a solitary

death; and glory waits for me!'
" 'Thanks for your peroration!' she said, repressing a yawn; the wish

that she might never see me again was expressed in her whole bearing.
"That remark silenced me. I flung at her a glance full of hatred, and

hurried away.
"Foedora must be forgotten; I must cure myself of my infatuation, and

betake myself once more to my lonely studies, or die. So I set myself
tremendous tasks; I determined to complete my labors. For fifteen days

I never left my garret, spending whole nights in pallid thought. I
worked with difficulty, and by fits and starts, despite my courage and

the stimulation of despair. The music had fled. I could not exorcise
the brilliant mocking image of Foedora. Something morbid brooded over

every thought, a vague longing as dreadful as remorse. I imitated the
anchorites of the Thebaid. If I did not pray as they did, I lived a

life in the desert like theirs, hewing out my ideas as they were wont
to hew their rocks. I could at need have girdled my waist with spikes,

that physicalsuffering might quell mental anguish.
"One evening Pauline found her way into my room.

" 'You are killing yourself,' she said imploringly; 'you should go out
and see your friends----'

" 'Pauline, you were a true prophet; Foedora is killing me, I want to
die. My life is intolerable.'

" 'Is there only one woman in the world?' she asked, smiling. 'Why
make yourself so miserable in so short a life?'

"I looked at Pauline in bewilderment. She left me before I noticed her
departure; the sound of her words had reached me, but not their sense.

Very soon I had to take my Memoirs in manuscript to my literary-
contractor. I was so absorbed by my passion, that I could not remember

how I had managed to live without money; I only knew that the four
hundred and fifty francs due to me would pay my debts. So I went to

receive my salary, and met Rastignac, who thought me changed and
thinner.

" 'What hospital have you been discharged from?' he asked.
" 'That woman is killing me,' I answered; 'I can neither despise her

nor forget her.'
" 'You had much better kill her, then perhaps you would think no more

of her,' he said, laughing.
" 'I have often thought of it,' I replied; 'but though sometimes the