man, they could discover not the least sign of feeling on his cool but
restless face.
"Even! red wins," said the croupier
officially. A dumb sort of rattle
came from the Italian's
throat when he saw the folded notes that the
banker showered upon him, one after another. The young man only
understood his
calamity when the croupiers's rake was
extended to
sweep away his last
napoleon. The ivory touched the coin with a little
click, as it swept it with the speed of an arrow into the heap of gold
before the bank. The stranger turned pale at the lips, and
softly shut
his eyes, but he unclosed them again at once, and the red color
returned as he
affected the airs of an Englishman, to whom life can
offer no new
sensation, and disappeared without the glance full of
entreaty for
compassion that a
desperate gamester will often give the
bystanders. How much can happen in a second's space; how many things
depend on a throw of the die!
"That was his last
cartridge, of course," said the croupier, smiling
after a moment's silence, during which he picked up the coin between
his finger and thumb and held it up.
"He is a
cracked brain that will go and drown himself," said a
frequenter of the place. He looked round about at the other
players,
who all knew each other.
"Bah!" said a
waiter, as he took a pinch of snuff.
"If we had but followed HIS example," said an old gamester to the
others, as he
pointed out the Italian.
Everybody looked at the lucky
player, whose hands shook as he counted
his bank-notes.
"A voice seemed to
whisper to me," he said. "The luck is sure to go
against that young man's
despair."
"He is a new hand," said the
banker, "or he would have divided his
money into three parts to give himself more chance."
The young man went out without asking for his hat; but the old
watch-dog, who had noted its
shabby condition, returned it to him
without a word. The
gamblermechanically gave up the tally, and went
downstairs whistling Di tanti Palpiti so
feebly, that he himself
scarcely heard the
delicious notes.
He found himself immediately under the arcades of the Palais-Royal,
reached the Rue Saint Honore, took the direction of the Tuileries, and
crossed the gardens with an undecided step. He walked as if he were in
some desert, elbowed by men whom he did not see,
hearing through all
the voices of the crowd one voice alone--the voice of Death. He was
lost in the thoughts that benumbed him at last, like the
criminals who
used to be taken in carts from the Palais de Justice to the Place de
Greve, where the scaffold awaited them reddened with all the blood
spilt here since 1793.
There is something great and terrible about
suicide. Most people's
downfalls are not dangerous; they are like children who have not far
to fall, and cannot
injure themselves; but when a great nature is
dashed down, he is bound to fall from a
height. He must have been
raised almost to the skies; he has caught glimpses of some heaven
beyond his reach. Vehement must the storms be which compel a soul to
seek for peace from the
trigger of a pistol.
How much young power starves and pines away in a
garret for want of a
friend, for lack of a woman's
consolation, in the midst of millions of
fellow-creatures, in the presence of a listless crowd that is burdened
by its wealth! When one remembers all this,
suicide looms large.
Between a self-sought death and the
abundant hopes whose voices call a
young man to Paris, God only knows what may
intervene; what contending
ideas have striven within the soul; what poems have been set aside;
what moans and what
despair have been repressed; what abortive
masterpieces and vain endeavors! Every
suicide is an awful poem of
sorrow. Where will you find a work of
genius floating above the seas
of
literature that can compare with this
paragraph:
"Yesterday, at four o'clock, a young woman threw herself into the
Seine from the Pont des Arts."
Dramas and romances pale before this
concise Parisian
phrase; so must
even that old frontispiece, The Lamentations of the
glorious king of
Kaernavan, put in prison by his children, the sole remaining fragment
of a lost work that drew tears from Sterne at the bare perusal--the
same Sterne who deserted his own wife and family.
The stranger was beset with such thoughts as these, which passed in
fragments through his mind, like
tattered flags fluttering above the
combat. If he set aside for a moment the burdens of
consciousness and
of memory, to watch the flower heads
gently swayed by the
breeze among
the green thickets, a revulsion came over him, life struggled against
the
oppressive thought of
suicide, and his eyes rose to the sky: gray
clouds,
melancholy gusts of the wind, the stormy
atmosphere, all
decreed that he should die.
He bent his way toward the Pont Royal, musing over the last fancies of
others who had gone before him. He smiled to himself as he remembered
that Lord Castlereagh had satisfied the humblest of our needs before
he cut his
throat, and that the academician Auger had sought for his
snuff-box as he went to his death. He analyzed these extravagances,
and even examined himself; for as he stood aside against the parapet
to allow a
porter to pass, his coat had been whitened somewhat by the
contact, and he carefully brushed the dust from his
sleeve, to his own
surprise. He reached the middle of the arch, and looked forebodingly
at the water.
"Wretched weather for drowning yourself," said a
ragged old woman, who
grinned at him; "isn't the Seine cold and dirty?"
His answer was a ready smile, which showed the frenzied nature of his
courage; then he shivered all at once as he saw at a distance, by the
door of the Tuileries, a shed with an
inscription above it in letters
twelve inches high: THE ROYAL HUMANE SOCIETY'S APPARATUS.
A
vision of M. Dacheux rose before him, equipped by his philanthropy,
calling out and
setting in
motion the too efficacious oars which break
the heads of drowning men, if unluckily they should rise to the
surface; he saw a curious crowd collecting,
running for a doctor,
preparing fumigations, he read the maundering
paragraph in the papers,
put between notes on a
festivity and on the smiles of a ballet-dancer;
he heard the francs counted down by the prefect of police to the
watermen. As a
corpse, he was worth fifteen francs; but now while he
lived he was only a man of
talent without patrons, without friends,
without a
mattress to lie on, or any one to speak a word for him--a
perfect social cipher,
useless to a State which gave itself no trouble
about him.
A death in broad
daylight seemed degrading to him; he made up his mind
to die at night so as to
bequeath an unrecognizable
corpse to a world
which had disregarded the
greatness of life. He began his wanderings
again, turning towards the Quai Voltaire, imitating the lagging gait
of an idler seeking to kill time. As he came down the steps at the end
of the
bridge, his notice was attracted by the
second-hand books
displayed on the parapet, and he was on the point of bargaining for
some. He smiled,
thrust his hands philosophically into his pockets,
and fell to strolling on again with a proud
disdain in his manner,
when he heard to his surprise some coin rattling fantastically in his
pocket.
A smile of hope lit his face, and slid from his lips over his
features, over his brow, and brought a
joyful light to his eyes and
his dark cheeks. It was a spark of happiness like one of the red dots
that flit over the remains of a burnt scrap of paper; but as it is
with the black ashes, so it was with his face, it became dull again
when the stranger quickly drew out his hand and perceived three
pennies. "Ah, kind gentleman! carita, carita; for the love of St.
Catherine! only a halfpenny to buy some bread!"
A little chimney sweeper, with puffed cheeks, all black with soot, and
clad in tatters, held out his hand to beg for the man's last pence.
Two paces from the little Savoyard stood an old pauvre honteux, sickly
and
feeble, in
wretched garments of
ragged druggeting, who asked in a
thick, muffled voice:
"Anything you like to give,
monsieur; I will pray to God for
you . . ."
But the young man turned his eyes on him, and the old
beggar stopped
without another word, discerning in that
mournful face an abandonment
of
wretchedness more bitter than his own.
"La carita! la carita!"
The stranger threw the coins to the old man and the child, left the
footway, and turned towards the houses; the harrowing sight of the
Seine fretted him beyond endurance.