This world has aspects that are very vilely dishonorable.'
" 'Yes,' said Rastignac, 'that is all very
poetical, but this is a
matter of business. What a child you are! Now, listen to me. As to
your work, the public will decide upon it; and as for my
literarymiddle-man, hasn't he
devoted eight years of his life to obtaining a
footing in the book-trade, and paid heavily for his experience? You
divide the money and the labor of the book with him very unequally,
but isn't yours the better part? Twenty-five louis means as much to
you as a thousand francs does to him. Come, you can write historical
memoirs, a work of art such as never was, since Diderot once wrote six
sermons for a hundred crowns!'
" 'After all,' I said, in
agitation, 'I cannot choose but do it. So,
my dear friend, my thanks are due to you. I shall be quite rich with
twenty-five louis.'
" 'Richer than you think,' he laughed. 'If I have my
commission from
Finot in this matter, it goes to you, can't you see? Now let us go to
the Bois de Boulogne,' he said; 'we shall see your
countess there, and
I will show you the pretty little widow that I am to marry--a
charmingwoman, an Alsacienne, rather plump. She reads Kant, Schiller, Jean
Paul, and a host of lachrymose books. She has a mania for continually
asking my opinion, and I have to look as if I entered into all this
German sensibility, and to know a pack of ballads--drugs, all of them,
that my doctor
absolutely prohibits. As yet I have not been able to
wean her from her
literary enthusiasms; she sheds torrents of tears as
she reads Goethe, and I have to weep a little myself to please her,
for she has an
income of fifty thousand livres, my dear boy, and the
prettiest little hand and foot in the world. Oh, if she would only say
mon ange and brouiller instead of mon anche and prouiller, she would
be perfection!'
"We saw the
countess,
radiant amid the splendors of her equipage. The
coquette bowed very
graciously to us both, and the smile she gave me
seemed to me to be
divine and full of love. I was very happy; I
fancied myself
beloved; I had money, a
wealth of love in my heart, and
my troubles were over. I was light-hearted,
blithe, and content. I
found my friend's lady-love
charming. Earth and air and heaven--all
nature--seemed to
reflect Foedora's smile for me.
"As we returned through the Champs-Elysees, we paid a visit to
Rastignac's hatter and
tailor. Thanks to the 'Necklace,' my
insignificant peace-footing was to end, and I made formidable
preparations for a
campaign. Henceforward I need not
shrink from a
contest with the
spruce and
fashionable young men who made Foedora's
circle. I went home, locked myself in, and stood by my dormer window,
outwardly calm enough, but in
reality I bade a last good-bye to the
roofs without. I began to live in the future, rehearsed my life drama,
and discounted love and its happiness. Ah, how stormy life can grow to
be within the four walls of a garret! The soul within us is like a
fairy; she turns straw into diamonds for us; and for us, at a touch of
her wand, enchanted palaces arise, as flowers in the meadows spring up
towards the sun.
"Towards noon, next day, Pauline knocked
gently at my door, and
brought me--who could guess it?--a note from Foedora. The
countessasked me to take her to the Luxembourg, and to go
thence to see with
her the Museum and Jardin des Plantes.
" 'The man is
waiting for an answer,' said Pauline, after quietly
waiting for a moment.
"I
hastily scrawled my acknowledgements, and Pauline took the note. I
changed my dress. When my toilette was ended, and I looked at myself
with some complaisance, an icy
shiver ran through me as I thought:
" 'Will Foedora walk or drive? Will it rain or shine?--No matter,
though,' I said to myself; 'whichever it is, can one ever
reckon with
feminine caprice? She will have no money about her, and will want to
give a dozen francs to some little Savoyard because his rags are
picturesque.'
"I had not a brass
farthing, and should have no money till the evening
came. How
dearly a poet pays for the
intellectualprowess that method
and toil have brought him, at such crises of our youth! Innumerable
painfully vivid thoughts pierced me like barbs. I looked out of my
window; the weather was very unsettled. If things fell out badly, I
might easily hire a cab for the day; but would not the fear lie on me
every moment that I might not meet Finot in the evening? I felt too
weak to
endure such fears in the midst of my
felicity. Though I felt
sure that I should find nothing, I began a grand search through my
room; I looked for
imaginary coins in the recesses of my
mattress; I
hunted about everywhere--I even shook out my old boots. A nervous
fever seized me; I looked with wild eyes at the furniture when I had
ransacked it all. Will you understand, I wonder, the
excitement that
possessed me when, plunged deep in the listlessness of
despair, I
opened my writing-table
drawer, and found a fair and splendid ten-
franc piece that shone like a rising star, new and sparkling, and
slily hiding in a cranny between two boards? I did not try to account
for its
previous reserve and the
cruelty of which it had been guilty
in thus lying
hidden; I kissed it for a friend
faithful in
adversity,
and hailed it with a cry that found an echo, and made me turn sharply,
to find Pauline with a face grown white.
" 'I thought,' she faltered, 'that you had hurt yourself! The man who
brought the letter----' (she broke off as if something smothered her
voice). 'But mother has paid him,' she added, and flitted away like a
wayward, capricious child. Poor little one! I wanted her to share in
my happiness. I seemed to have all the happiness in the world within
me just then; and I would fain have returned to the
unhappy, all that
I felt as if I had
stolen from them.
"The intuitive
perception of
adversity is sound for the most part; the
countess had sent away her
carriage. One of those freaks that pretty
women can scarcely explain to themselves had determined her to go on
foot, by way of the boulevards, to the Jardin des Plantes.
" 'It will rain,' I told her, and it pleased her to
contradict me.
"As it fell out, the weather was fine while we went through the
Luxembourg; when we came out, some drops fell from a great cloud,
whose progress I had watched
uneasily, and we took a cab. At the
Museum I was about to
dismiss the
vehicle, and Foedora (what agonies!)
asked me not to do so. But it was like a dream in broad
daylight for
me, to chat with her, to
wander in the Jardin des Plantes, to stray
down the shady alleys, to feel her hand upon my arm; the secret
transports repressed in me were reduced, no doubt, to a fixed and
foolish smile upon my lips; there was something unreal about it all.
Yet in all her
movements, however
alluring, whether we stood or
whether we walked, there was nothing either tender or lover-like. When
I tried to share in a
measure the action of
movement prompted by her
life, I became aware of a check, or of something strange in her that I
cannot explain, or an inner activity concealed in her nature. There is
no suavity about the
movements of women who have no soul in them. Our
wills were opposed, and we did not keep step together. Words are
wanting to describe this
outward dissonance between two beings; we are
not accustomed to read a thought in a
movement. We
instinctively feel
this
phenomenon of our nature, but it cannot be expressed.
"I did not dissect my sensations during those
violent seizures of
passion," Raphael went on, after a moment of silence, as if he were
replying to an
objection raised by himself. "I did not analyze my
pleasures nor count my heartbeats then, as a miser scrutinizes and
weighs his gold pieces. No; experience sheds its
melancholy light over
the events of the past to-day, and memory brings these pictures back,
as the sea-waves in fair weather cast up
fragment after
fragment of
the debris of a wrecked
vessel upon the strand.
" 'It is in your power to render me a rather important service,' said
the
countess, looking at me in an embarrassed way. 'After confiding in
you my aversion to lovers, I feel myself more at liberty to entreat
your good offices in the name of friendship. Will there not be very
much more merit in obliging me to-day?' she asked, laughing.
"I looked at her in
anguish. Her manner was coaxing, but in no wise
affectionate; she felt nothing for me; she seemed to be playing a
part, and I thought her a
consummateactress. Then all at once my
hopes awoke once more, at a single look and word. Yet if reviving love
expressed itself in my eyes, she bore its light without any change in
the
clearness of her own; they seemed, like a tiger's eyes, to have a
sheet of metal behind them. I used to hate her in such moments.
" 'The influence of the Duc de Navarreins would be very useful to me,