they. It is the chain of the galley-slave; it leaves an ineffaceable
brand upon the soul, filling it with
disgust for pure and innocent
love decked with flowers only, which serves no
alcohol in curiously
chased cups inlaid with jewels and sparkling with unquenchable fires.
Recalling my early dreams of pleasures I knew nothing of, expressed at
Clochegourde in my "selams," the voice of my flowers, pleasures which
the union of souls renders all the more
ardent, I found many
sophistries by which I excused to myself the delight with which I
drained that jewelled cup. Often, when, lost in
infinite lassitude, my
soul disengaged itself from the body and floated far from earth, I
thought that these pleasures might be the means of abolishing matter
and of rendering to the spirit its power to soar. Sometimes Lady
Dudley, like other women, profited by the exaltation in which I was to
bind me by promises; under the lash of a desire she wrung blasphemies
from my lips against the angel at Clochegourde. Once a
traitor I
became a
scoundrel. I continued to write to Madame de Mortsauf, in the
tone of the lad she had first known in his strange blue coat; but, I
admit it, her gift of second-sight terrified me when I thought what
ruin the indiscretion of a word might bring to the dear castle of my
hopes. Often, in the midst of my pleasure a sudden
horror seized me; I
heard the name of Henriette uttered by a voice above me, like that in
the Scriptures, demanding: "Cain, where is thy brother Abel?"
At last my letters remained unanswered. I was seized with horrible
anxiety and wished to leave for Clochegourde. Arabella did not oppose
it, but she talked of accompanying me to Touraine. Her woman's wit
told her that the journey might be a means of finally detaching me
from her rival; while I, blind with fear and guilelessly unsuspicious,
did not see the trap she set for me. Lady Dudley herself proposed the
humblest concessions. She would stay near Tours, at a little country-
place, alone, disguised; she would
refrain from going out in the day-
time, and only meet me in the evening when people were not likely to
be about. I left Tours on
horseback. I had my reasons for this; my
evening excursions to meet her would require a horse, and mine was an
Arab which Lady Hester Stanhope had sent to the marchioness, and which
she had
lately exchanged with me for that famous picture of Rembrandt
which I obtained in so
singular a way, and which now hangs in her
drawing-room in London. I took the road I had traversed on foot six
years earlier and stopped beneath my walnut-tree. From there I saw
Madame de Mortsauf in a white dress
standing at the edge of the
terrace. Instantly I rode towards her with the speed of
lightning, in
a straight line and across country. She heard the
stride of the
swallow of the desert and when I pulled him up suddenly at the
terrace, she said to me: "Oh, you here!"
Those three words blasted me. She knew my
treachery. Who had told her?
her mother, whose
hateful letter she afterwards showed me. The feeble,
indifferent voice, once so full of life, the dull pallor of its tones
revealed a settled grief, exhaling the
breath of flowers cut and left
to
wither. The
tempest of infidelity, like those freshets of the Loire
which bury the meadows for all time in sand, had torn its way through
her soul, leaving a desert where once the verdure clothed the fields.
I led my horse through the little gate; he lay down on the grass at my
command and the
countess, who came forward slowly, exclaimed, "What a
fine animal!" She stood with folded arms lest I should try to take her
hand; I guessed her meaning.
"I will let Monsieur de Mortsauf know you are here," she said, leaving
me.
I stood still, confounded, letting her go, watching her, always noble,
slow, and proud,--whiter than I had ever seen her; on her brow the
yellow imprint of bitterest
melancholy, her head bent like a lily
heavy with rain.
"Henriette!" I cried in the agony of a man about to die.
She did not turn or pause; she disdained to say that she
withdrew from
me that name, but she did not answer to it and continued on. I may
feel paltry and small in this
dreadful vale of life where myriads of
human beings now dust make the surface of the globe, small indeed
among that crowd, hurrying beneath the
luminous spaces which light
them; but what sense of
humiliation could equal that with which I
watched her calm white figure inflexibly mounting with even steps the
terraces of her
chateau of Clochegourde, the pride and the
torture of
that Christian Dido? I cursed Arabella in a single imprecation which
might have killed her had she heard it, she who had left all for me as
some leave all for God. I remained lost in a world of thought,
conscious of utter
misery on all sides. Presently I saw the whole
family coming down; Jacques,
running with the
eagerness of his age.
Madeleine, a gazelle with
mournful eyes, walked with her mother.
Monsieur de Mortsauf came to me with open arms, pressed me to him and
kissed me on both cheeks crying out, "Felix, I know now that I owed
you my life."
Madame de Mortsauf stood with her back towards me during this little
scene, under pretext of showing the horse to Madeleine.
"Ha, the devil! that's what women are," cried the count; "admiring
your horse!"
Madeleine turned, came up to me, and I kissed her hand, looking at the
countess, who colored.
"Madeleine seems much better," I said.
"Poor little girl!" said the
countess, kissing her on her forehead.
"Yes, for the time being they are all well," answered the count.
"Except me, Felix; I am as battered as an old tower about to fall."
"The general is still
depressed," I remarked to Madame de Mortsauf.
"We all have our blue devils--is not that the English term?" she
replied.
The whole party walked on towards the
vineyard with the feeling that
some serious event had happened. She had no wish to be alone with me.
Still, I was her guest.
"But about your horse? why isn't he attended to?" said the count.
"You see I am wrong if I think of him, and wrong if I do not,"
remarked the
countess.
"Well, yes," said her husband; "there is a time to do things, and a
time not to do them."
"I will attend to him," I said,
finding this sort of greeting
intolerable. "No one but myself can put him into his stall; my groom
is coming by the coach from Chinon; he will rub him down."
"I suppose your groom is from England," she said.
"That is where they all come from," remarked the count, who grew
cheerful in
proportion as his wife seemed
depressed. Her
coldness gave
him an opportunity to oppose her, and he overwhelmed me with
friendliness.
"My dear Felix," he said,
taking my hand, and pressing it
affectionately, "pray
forgive Madame de Mortsauf; women are so
whimsical. But it is owing to their
weakness; they cannot have the
evenness of
temper we owe to our strength of
character. She really
loves you, I know it; only--"
While the count was
speaking Madame de Mortsauf gradually moved away
from us so as to leave us alone.
"Felix," said the count, in a low voice, looking at his wife, who was
now going up to the house with her two children, "I don't know what is
going on in Madame de Mortsauf's mind, but for the last six weeks her
disposition has completely changed. She, so gentle, so devoted
hitherto, is now
extraordinarily peevish."
Manette told me later that the
countess had fallen into a state of
depression which made her
indifferent to the count's provocations. No
longer
finding a soft substance in which he could plant his arrows,
the man became as
uneasy as a child when the poor
insect it is
tormenting ceases to move. He now needed a confidant, as the hangman
needs a helper.
"Try to question Madame de Mortsauf," he said after a pause, "and find
out what is the matter. A woman always has secrets from her husband;
but perhaps she will tell you what troubles her. I would sacrifice
everything to make her happy, even to half my remaining days or half
my fortune. She is necessary to my very life. If I have not that angel
at my side as I grow old I shall be the most
wretched of men. I do
desire to die easy. Tell her I shall not be here long to trouble her.
Yes, Felix, my poor friend, I am going fast, I know it. I hide the
fatal truth from every one; why should I worry them
beforehand? The
trouble is in the
orifice of the
stomach, my friend. I have at last