discovered the true cause of this disease; it is my sensibility that
is killing me. Indeed, all our feelings
affect the gastric centre."
"Then do you mean," I said, smiling, "that the best-hearted people die
of their
stomachs?"
"Don't laugh, Felix; nothing is more
absolutely true. Too keen a
sensibility increases the play of the
sympathetic nerve; these
excitements of feeling keep the mucous
membrane of the
stomach in a
state of
constantirritation. If this state continues it deranges, at
first insensibly, the
digestive functions; the secretions change, the
appetite is impaired, and the
digestion becomes capricious; sharp
pains are felt; they grow worse day by day, and more
frequent; then
the
disorder comes to a
crisis, as if a slow
poison were passing the
alimentary canal; the mucous
membrane thickens, the valve of the
pylorus becomes indurated and forms a scirrhus, of which the patient
dies. Well, I have reached that point, my dear friend. The induration
is
proceeding and nothing checks it. Just look at my yellow skin, my
feverish eyes, my
excessive thinness. I am
withering away. But what is
to be done? I brought the seeds of the disease home with me from the
emigration; heaven knows what I suffered then! My marriage, which
might have repaired the wrong, far from soothing my ulcerated mind
increased the wound. What did I find?
ceaseless fears for the
children,
domestic jars, a fortune to remake, economies which required
great privations, which I was obliged to
impose upon my wife, but
which I was the one to suffer from; and then,--I can tell this to none
but you, Felix,--I have a worse trouble yet. Though Blanche is an
angel, she does not understand me; she knows nothing of my sufferings
and she aggravates them; but I
forgive her. It is a
dreadful thing to
say, my friend, but a less
virtuous woman might have made me more
happy by lending herself to consolations which Blanche never thinks
of, for she is as silly as a child. Moreover my servants
torment me;
blockheads who take my French for Greek! When our fortune was finally
remade inch by inch, and I had some
relief from care, it was too late,
the harm was done; I had reached the period when the
appetite is
vitiated. Then came my
severeillness, so ill-managed by Origet. In
short, I have not six months to live."
I listened to the count in
terror. On meeting the
countess I had been
struck with her yellow skin and the
feverish brilliancy of her eyes. I
led the count towards the house while
seeming to listen to his
complaints and his
medical dissertations; but my thoughts were all
with Henriette, and I wanted to observe her. We found her in the
salon, where she was listening to a lesson in
mathematics which the
Abbe Dominis was giving Jacques, and at the same time showing
Madeleine a
stitch of
embroidery. Formerly she would have laid aside
every
occupation the day of my
arrival to be with me. But my love was
so deeply real that I drove back into my heart the grief I felt at
this
contrast between the past and the present, and thought only of
the fatal yellow tint on that
celestial face, which resembled the halo
of
divine light Italian painters put around the faces of their saints.
I felt the icy wind of death pass over me. Then when the fire of her
eyes, no longer softened by the
liquid light in which in former times
they moved, fell upon me, I shuddered; I noticed several changes,
caused by grief, which I had not seen in the open air. The slender
lines which, at my last visit, were so
lightly marked upon her
forehead had deepened; her temples with their
violet veins seemed
burning and
concave; her eyes were sunk beneath the brows, their
circles browned;--alas! she was discolored like a fruit when decay is
beginning to show upon the surface, or a worm is at the core. I, whose
whole
ambition had been to pour happiness into her soul, I it was who
embittered the spring from which she had hoped to
refresh her life and
renew her courage. I took a seat beside her and said in a voice filled
with tears of
repentance, "Are you satisfied with your own health?"
"Yes," she answered, plunging her eyes into mine. "My health is
there," she added, motioning to Jacques and Madeleine.
The latter, just fifteen, had come victoriously out of her struggle
with anaemia, and was now a woman. She had grown tall; the Bengal
roses were
blooming in her once sallow cheeks. She had lost the