many is to betray your real friends. If you are more intimate with

some men than with others keep guard over yourself; be as cautious
as though you knew they would one day be your rivals, or your

enemies; the chances and changes of life require this. Maintain an
attitude which is neither cold nor hot; find the medium point at

which a man can safely hold intercourse with others without
compromising himself. Yes, believe me, the honest man is as far

from the base cowardice of Philinte as he is from the harsh virtue
of Alceste. The genius of the poet is displayed in the mind of

this true medium; certainly all minds do enjoy more the ridicule
of virtue than the sovereigncontempt of easy-going selfishness

which underlies that picture of it; but all, nevertheless, are
prompted to keep themselves from either extreme.

As to frivolity, if it causes fools to proclaim you a charming
man, others who are accustomed to judge of men's capacities and

fathom character, will winnow out your tare and bring you to
disrepute, for frivolity is the resource of weak natures, and

weakness is soon appraised in a society which regards its members
as nothing more than organs--and perhaps justly, for nature

herself puts to death imperfect beings. A woman's protecting
instincts may be roused by the pleasure she feels in supporting

the weak against the strong, and in leading the intelligence of
the heart to victory over the brutality of matter; but society,

less a mother than a stepmother, adores only the children who
flatter her vanity.

As to ardententhusiasm, that first sublime mistake of youth,
which finds true happiness in using its powers, and begins by

being its own dupe before it is the dupe of others, keep it within
the region of the heart's communion, keep it for woman and for

God. Do not hawk its treasures in the bazaars of society or of
politics, where trumpery will be offered in exchange for them.

Believe the voice which commands you to be noble in all things
when it also prays you not to expend your forces uselessly.

Unhappily, men will rate you according to your usefulness, and not
according to your worth. To use an image which I think will strike

your poetic mind, let a cipher be what it may, immeasurable in
size, written in gold, or written in pencil, it is only a cipher

after all. A man of our times has said, "No zeal, above all, no
zeal!" The lesson may be sad, but it is true, and it saves the

soul from wasting its bloom. Hide your pure sentiments, or put
them in regions inaccessible, where their blossoms may be

passionately admired, where the artist may dream amorously of his
master-piece. But duties, my friend, are not sentiments. To do

what we ought is by no means to do what we like. A man who would
give his life enthusiastically for a woman must be ready to die

coldly for his country.
One of the most important rules in the science of manners is that

of almost absolute silence about ourselves. Play a little comedy
for your own instruction; talk of yourself to acquaintances, tell

them about your sufferings, your pleasures, your business, and you
will see how indifference succeeds pretended interest; then

annoyance follows, and if the mistress of the house does not find
some civil way of stopping you the company will disappear under

various pretexts adroitly seized. Would you, on the other hand,
gather sympathies about you and be spoken of as amiable and witty,

and a true friend? talk to others of themselves, find a way to
bring them forward, and brows will clear, lips will smile, and

after you leave the room all present will praise you. Your
conscience and the voice of your own heart will show you the line

where the cowardice of flattery begins and the courtesy of
intercourse ceases.

One word more about a young man's demeanor in public. My dear
friend, youth is always inclined to a rapidity of judgment which

does it honor, but also injury. This was why the old system of
education obliged young people to keep silence and study life in a

probationary period beside their elders. Formerly, as you know,
nobility, like art, had its apprentices, its pages, devoted body

and soul to the masters who maintained them. To-day youth is
forced in a hot-house; it is trained to judge of thoughts,

actions, and writings with bitingseverity; it slashes with a
blade that has not been fleshed. Do not make this mistake. Such

judgments will seem like censures to many about you, who would
sooner pardon an open rebuke than a secret wound. Young people are

pitiless because they know nothing of life and its difficulties.
The old critic is kind and considerate, the young critic is

implacable; the one knows nothing, the other knows all. Moreover,
at the bottom of all human actions there is a labyrinth of

determining reasons on which God reserves for himself the final
judgment. Be severetherefore to none but yourself.

Your future is before you; but no one in the world can make his
way unaided. Therefore, make use of my father's house; its doors

are open to you; the connections that you will create for yourself
under his roof will serve you in a hundred ways. But do not yield

an inch of ground to my mother; she will crush any one who gives
up to her, but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her.

She is like iron, which if beaten, can be fused with iron, but
when cold will break everything less hard than itself. Cultivate

my mother; for if she thinks well of you she will introduce you
into certain houses where you can acquire the fatal science of the

world, the art of listening, speaking, answering, presenting
yourself to the company and taking leave of it; the precise use of

language, the something--how shall I explain it?--which is no more
superiority than the coat is the man, but without which the

highest talent in the world will never be admitted within those
portals.

I know you well enough to be quite sure I indulge no illusion when
I imagine that I see you as I wish you to be; simple in manners,

gentle in tone, proud without conceit, respectful to the old,
courteous without servility, above all, discreet. Use your wit but

never display it for the amusement of others; for be sure that if
your brilliancy annoys an inferior man, he will retire from the

field and say of you in a tone of contempt, "He is very amusing."
Let your superiority be leonine. Moreover, do not be always

seeking to please others. I advise a certain coldness in your
relations with men, which may even amount to indifference; this

will not anger others, for all persons esteem those who slight
them; and it will win you the favor of women, who will respect you

for the little consequence that you attach to men. Never remain in
company with those who have lost their reputation, even though

they may not have deserved to do so; for society holds us
responsible for our friendships as well as for our enmities. In

this matter let your judgments be slowly and maturely weighed, but
see that they are irrevocable. When the men whom you have repulsed

justify the repulsion, your esteem and regard will be all the more
sought after; you have inspired the tacit respect which raises a

man among his peers. I behold you now armed with a youth that
pleases, grace which attracts, and wisdom with which to preserve

your conquests. All that I have now told you can be summed up in
two words, two old-fashioned words, "Noblesse oblige."

Now apply these precepts to the management of life. You will hear
many persons say that strategy is the chief element of success;

that the best way to press through the crowd is to set some men
against other men and so take their places. That was a good system

for the Middle Ages, when princes had to destroy their rivals by
pitting one against the other; but in these days, all things being

done in open day, I am afraid it would do you ill-service. No, you
must meet your competitors face to face, be they loyal and true

men, or traitorous enemies whose weapons are calumny, evil-
speaking, and fraud. But remember this, you have no more powerful

auxiliaries than these men themselves; they are their own enemies;
fight them with honest weapons, and sooner or later they are

condemned. As to the first of them, loyal men and true, your
straightforwardness will obtain their respect, and the differences

between you once settled (for all things can be settled), these
men will serve you. Do not be afraid of making enemies; woe to him

who has none in the world you are about to enter; but try to give
no handle for ridicule or disparagement. I say TRY, for in Paris a

man cannot always belong solely to himself; he is sometimes at the
mercy of circumstances; you will not always be able to avoid the

mud in the gutter nor the tile that falls from the roof. The moral
world has gutters where persons of no reputation endeavor to