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420 BC

THE WASPS
by Aristophanes

anonymous translator
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY

PHILOCLEON
BDELYCLEON, his Son

SOSIAS, Slave of Philocleon
XANTHIAS, Slave of Philocleon

BOYS
DOGS

A GUEST
A BAKER'S WIFE

AN ACCUSER
CHORUS OF WASPS

WASPS
(SCENE:-In the background is the house of PHILOCLEON, surrounded

by a huge net. Two slaves are on guard, one of them asleep. On the
roof is BDELYCLEON.)

SOSIAS (waking XANTHIAS UP)
Why, Xanthias! what are you doing, wretched man?

XANTHIAS
I am teaching myself how to rest; I have been awake and on watch

the whole night.
SOSIAS

So you want to earn trouble for your ribs, eh? Don't you know what
sort of animal we are guarding here?

XANTHIAS
Aye indeed! but I want to put my cares to sleep for a while.

(He falls asleep again.)
SOSIAS

Beware what you do. I too feel soft sleep spreading over my eyes,
XANTHIAS.

Are you crazy, like a Corybant?
SOSIAS

No! It's Bacchus who lulls me off.
XANTHIAS

Then you serve the same god as myself. just now a heavy slumber
settled on my eyelids like a hostile Mede; I nodded and, faith! I

had a wondrous dream.
SOSIAS

Indeed! and so had I. A dream such as I never had before. But
first tell me yours.

XANTHIAS
I saw an eagle, a gigantic bird, descend upon the market-place; it

seized a brazen buckler with its talons and bore it away into the
highest heavens; then I saw it was Cleonymus had thrown it away.

SOSIAS
This Cleonymus is a riddle worth propounding among guests. How can

one and the same animal have cast away his buckler both on land, in
the sky and at sea?

XANTHIAS
Alas! what ill does such a dream portend for me?

SOSIAS
Rest undisturbed! Please the gods, no evil will befall you.

XANTHIAS
Nevertheless, it's a fatal omen when a man throws away his

weapons. But what was your dream? Let me hear.
SOSIAS

Oh! it is a dream of high import. It has reference to the hull
of the State; to nothing less.

XANTHIAS
Tell it to me quickly; show me its very keel.

SOSIAS
In my first slumber I thought I saw sheep, wearing cloaks and

carrying staves, met in assembly on the Pnyx; a rapacious whale was
haranguing them and screaming like a pig that is being grilled.

XANTHIAS
Faugh! faugh!

SOSIAS
What's the matter?

XANTHIAS
Enough, enough, spare me. Your dream stinks vilely of old leather.

SOSIAS
Then this scoundrelly whale seized a balance and set to weighing

ox-fat.
XANTHIAS

Alas! it's our poor Athenian people, whom this accursed beast
wishes to cut up and despoil of their fat.

SOSIAS
Seated on the ground close to it, I saw Theorus, who had the

head of crow. Then Alcibiades said to me in his lisping way, "Do you
thee? Theoruth hath a crow'th head."

XANTHIAS
Ah! that's very well lisped indeed!

SOSIAS
Isn't this mighty strange? Theorus turning into a crow!

XANTHIAS
No, it is glorious.

SOSIAS
Why?

XANTHIAS
Why? He was a man and now he has suddenly become a crow; does it

not foretoken that he will take his flight from here and go to the
crows?

SOSIAS
Interpreting dreams so aptly certainly is worth two obols.

XANTHIAS (turning to the audience)
Come, I must explain the matter to the spectators. But first a few

words of preamble: expect nothing very high-flown from us, nor any
jests stolen from Megara; we have no slaves, who throw baskets of nuts

to the spectators, nor any Heracles to be robbed of his dinner, nor
does Euripides get loaded with contumely; and despite the happy chance

that gave Cleon his fame we shall not go out of our way to belabour
him again, Our little subject is not wanting in sense; it is well

within your capacity and at the same time cleverer than many vulgar
comedies.-We have a master of great renown, who is now sleeping up

there on the other story. He has bidden us keep guard over his father,
whom he has locked in, so. that he may not go out. This father has a

curious complaint; not one of you could hit upon or guess it, if I did
not tell you.-Well then, try! I hear Amynias, the son of Pronapus,

over there, saying, "He is addicted to gambling." He's wrong! He is
imputing his own malady to others. Yet love is indeed the principal

part of his disease. Ah! here Sosias is telling Dercylus, "He loves
drinking." Wrong again! the love of wine is a good man's failing.

"Well then," says Nicostratus of the Scambonian deme, "he either loves
sacrifices or else strangers." God no! he is not fond of strangers,

Nicostratus, for he who says "Philoxenus" means a pederast, It's
mere waste of time, you will not find it out. If you want to know

it, keep silence! I will tell your our master's complaint; of all men,
it is he who is fondest of the Heliaea. Thus, to be judging is his

hobby, and he groans if he is not sitting on the first seat. He does
not close an eye at night, and if he dozes off for an instant his mind

flies instantly to the clepsydra. He is so accustomed to hold the
balloting pebble, that he awakes with his three fingers pinched

together as if he were offeringincense to the new moon. If he sees
scribbled on some doorway, "How charming is Demos, the son of

Pyrilampes!" he will write beneath it, "How charming is Cemos!" His
cock crowed one evening; said he, "He has had money from the accused

to awaken me too late. As soon as he rises from supper he bawls for
his shoes and away he rushes down there before dawn to sleep

beforehand, glued fast to the column like an oyster. He is a merciless
judge, never failing to draw the convicting line and return home

with his nails full of wax like a bumble-bee. Fearing he might run
short of pebbles he keeps enough at home to cover a sea-beach, so that

he may have the means of recording his sentence. Such is his
madness, and all advice is useless; he only judges the more each

day. So we keep him under lock and key, to prevent his going out;
for his son is broken-hearted over this mania. At first he tried him

with gentleness, wanted to persuade him to wear the cloak no longer,
to go out no more; unable to convince him, he had him bathed and

purified according to the ritual without any greater success, and then
handed him over to the Corybantes; but the old man escaped them, and

carrying off the kettledrum, rushed right into the midst of the
Heliasts. As Cybele could do nothing with her rites, his son took

him to Aegina and forcibly made him lie one night in the temple of
Asclepius, the God of Healing, but before daylight there he was to

be seen at the gate of the tribunal. Since then we let him go out no
more, but he escaped us by the drains or by the skylight, so we

stuffed up every opening with old rags and made all secure; then he
drove short sticks into the wall and sprang from rung to rung like a

magpie. Now we have stretched-nets all around the court and we keep
watch and ward. The old man's name is Philocleon, it's the best name

he could have, and the son is called Edelycleon, for he is a man
very fit to cure an insolent fellow of his boasting.

BDELYCLEON (from the roof)
Xanthias! Sosias! Are you asleep?

XANTHIAS
Alas!

SOSIAS
What is the matter?

XANTHIAS
Why, Bdelycleon is getting up.

BDELYCLEON
Will neither of you come here? My father has got into the

stove-chamber and is ferreting about like a rat in his hole. Take care
he does not escape through the bath drain. You there, put all your

weight against the door.
XANTHIAS

Yes, master.
BDELYCLEON

By Zeus! what is that noise in the chimney? Hullo! who are you?
PHILOCLEON (poking his head out of the chimney)

I am the smoke going up.
BDELYCLEON

Smoke? smoke of what wood?
PHILOCLEON

Of fig-wood.
BDELYCLEON

Ah! that's the most acrid of all. But you shall not get out. Where
is the chimney cover? Come down again. Now, up with another cross-bar.

Now look out for some fresh dodge. But am I not the most unfortunate
of men? Henceforward I shall only be called the son of Capnius.

XANTHIAS
He is pushing the door.

BDELYCLEON
Throw your weight upon it, come, put heart into the work. I will

come and help you. Watch both lock and bolt. Take care he does not
gnaw through the peg.

PHILOCLEON (from within)
What are you doing, you wretches? Let me go out; it is

imperative that I go and judge, or Dracontides will be acquitted.
XANTHIAS

Would you mind that?
PHILOCLEON

Once at Delphi, the god, whom I was consulting, foretold, that
if an accused man escaped me, I should die of consumption.

XANTHIAS
Apollo the Saviour, what a prophecy!

PHILOCLEON
Ah! I beseech you, if you do not want my death, let me go.



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