LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! you have but reached the parsley and the rue, to use the

common saying. What you are suffering is nothing! but welcome the hour
when the advocate shall adduce all these same arguments against you

and shall summon your accomplices to give witness.
BDELYCLEON

In the name of the gods! withdraw or we shall fight you the
whole day long.

CHORUS (singing)
No, not as long as I retain an atom of breath. Ha! your desire

is to tyrannize over us!
BDELYCLEON

Everything is now tyranny with us, no matter what is concerned,
whether it be large or small. Tyranny! I have not heard the word

mentioned once in fifty years, and now it is more common than
salt-fish, the word is even current on the market. If you are buying

gurnards and don't want anchovies, the huckster next door, who is
selling the latter, at once exclaims, "That is a man whose kitchen

savours of tyranny!" If you ask for onions to season your fish, the
green-stuff woman winks one eye and asks, "Ha, you ask for onions! are

you seeking to tyrannize, or do you think that Athens must pay you
your seasonings as a tribute?"

XANTHIAS
Yesterday I went to see a whore about noon and told her to get

on top; she flew into a rage, pretending I wanted to restore the
tyranny of Hippias.

BDELYCLEON
That's the talk that pleases the people! As for myself, I want

my father to lead a joyous life like Morychus instead of going away
before dawn basely to calumniate and condemn; and for this I am

accused of conspiracy and tyrannical practice!
PHILOCLEON

And quite right too, by Zeus! The most exquisite dishes do not
make up to me for the life of which you deprive me. I scorn your red

mullet and your eels, and would far rather eat a nice little
lawsuitlet cooked in the pot.

BDELYCLEON
That's because you have got used to seeking your pleasure in it;

but if you will agree to keep silence and hear me, I think I could
persuade you that you deceive yourself altogether.

PHILOCLEON
I deceive myself, when I am judging?

BDELYCLEON
You do not see that you are the laughing-stock of these men,

whom you are ready to worship. You are their slave and do not know it.
PHILOCLEON

I a slave, I, who lord it over all?
BDELYCLEON

Not at all, you think you are ruling when you are only obeying.
Tell me, father, what do you get out of the tribute paid by so many

Greek towns.
PHILOCLEON

Much, and I appoint my colleagues jurymen.
BDELYCLEON

And I also. (To the slaves) Release him.
PHILOCLEON

And bring me a sword; If I am worsted in this debate, I shall fall
on the blade.

BDELYCLEON
Tell me whether you will accept the verdict of the Court.

PHILOCLEON
May I never drink my Heliast's pay in honour of the Good Genius,

it if I do not.
CHORUS (singing)

Now it is necessary for you, who are of our school, to say
something novel, that you may not seem...

BDELYCLEON (interrupting)
And I must note down everything he says, so as to remember it;

someone bring me a tablet, quick.
CHORUS (singing)

....to side with this youth in his opinions. You see how serious
the question has become; if he should prevail, which the gods forfend,

it will be all over for us.
PHILOCLEON

But what will you say of it, if he should triumph in the debate?
CHORUS (singing)

That old men are no longer good for anything; we shall be
perpetually laughed at in the streets, shall be called thallophores,

mere brief-bags.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS

You are to be the champion of all our rights and sovereignty.
Come, take courage! Bring into action all the resources of your wit.

PHILOCLEON
At the outset I will prove to you that there exists no king

whose might is greater than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing
comparable with that of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more

in the midst of delights, who is more feared, aged though he be?
From the moment I leave my bed, men of power, the most illustrious

in the city, await me at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen
from the greatest distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle

handy-that has pilfered the public funds; they entreat me, bowing
right low and with a piteous voice, "Oh, father," they say, "pity

me, I adjure you by the profit you were able to make in the public
service or in the army, when dealing with the victuals." Why, the

man who speaks thus would not know of my existence, had I not let
him off on some former occasion.

BDELYCLEON
Let us note this first point, the supplicants.

PHILOCLEON
These entreaties have appeased my wrath, and I enter-firmly

resolved to do nothing that I have promised. Nevertheless I listen
to the accused. Oh! what tricks to secure acquittal! Ah! there is no

form of flattery that is not addressed to the Heliast! Some groan over
their poverty and exaggerate it. Others tell us anecdotes or some

comic story from Aesop. Others, again, cut jokes; they fancy I shall
be appeased if I won If we are not even then won over, why, then

they drag forward their young children by the hand, both boys and
girls, who prostrate themselves and whine with one accord, and then

the father, trembling as if before a god, beseeches me not to
condemn him out of pity for them, "If you love the voice of the

lamb, have pity on my sons"; and because I am fond of little sows, I
must yield to his daughter's prayers. Then we relax the heat of our

wrath a little for him. Is not this great power indeed, which allows
even wealth to be disdained?

BDELYCLEON
A second point to note, the disdain of wealth. And now recall to

me what are the advantages you enjoy, you, who pretend to rule over
Greece?

PHILOCLEON
We are entrusted with the inspection of the young men, and thus we

have a right to examine their tools. If Oeagrus is accused, he is
not acquitted before he has recited a passage from 'Niobe' and he

chooses the finest. If a flute-player gains his case, he adjusts his
mouth-strap in return and plays us the final air while we are leaving.

A father on his death-bed names some husband for his daughter, who
is his sole heir; but we care little for his will or for the shell