酷兔英语

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DIONYSUS
He has gone and left us.

A genial poet, by his friends much missed.
HERACLES

Gone where?
DIONYSUS

To join the blessed in their banquets.
HERACLES

But what of Xenocles?
DIONYSUS

O he be hanged!
HERACLES

Pythangelus?
XANTHIAS

But never a word of me,
Not though my shoulder's chafed so terribly.

HERACLES But have you not a shoal of little songsters,
Tragedians by the myriad, who can chatter

A furlong faster than Euripides?
DIONYSUS

Those be mere vintage-leavings, jabberers, choirs
Of swallow-broods, degraders of their art,

Who get one chorus, and are seen no more,
The Muses' love once gained. But O, my friend,

Search where you will, you'll never find a true
Creative genius, uttering startling things.

HERACLES
Creative? how do you mean?

Who'll dare some novel venturesome conceit,
"Air, Zeus's chamber," or "Time's foot," or this,

"'Twas not my mind that swore: my tongue committed
A little perjury on its own account."

HERACLES
You like that style?

DIONYSUS
Like it? I dote upon it.

HERACLES
I vow its ribald nonsense, and you know it.

DIONYSUS
"Rule not my mind": you've got a house to mind.

HERACLES
Really and truly though 'tis paltry stuff.

DIONYSUS
Teach me to dine!

XANTHIAS
But never a word of me.

DIONYSUS
But tell me truly-'twas for this I came

Dressed up to mimic you-what friends received
And entertained you when you went below

To bring back Cerberus, in case I need them.
And tell me too the havens, fountains, shops,

Roads, resting-places, stews, refreshment-rooms,
Towns, lodgings, hostesses, with whom were found

The fewest bugs.
XANTHIAS

But never a word of me.
HERACLES

You are really game to go?
DIONYSUS

O drop that, can't you?
And tell me this: of all the roads you know

Which is the quickest way to get to Hades?
I want one not too warm, nor yet too cold.

HERACLES
Which shall I tell you first? which shall it be?

There's one by rope and bench: you launch away
And-hang yourself.

DIONYSUS
No thank you: that's too stifling.

HERACLES
Then there's a track, a short and beaten cut,

By pestle and mortar.
DIONYSUS

Hemlock, do you mean?
HERACLES

Just so.
DIONYSUS

No, that's too deathly cold a way;
You have hardly started ere your shins get numbed.

HERACLES
Well, would you like a steep and swift descent?

DIONYSUS
Aye, that's the style: my walking powers are small.

HERACLES
Go down to the Cerameicus.

DIONYSUS
And do what?

HERACLES
Climb to the tower's top pinnacle-

DIONYSUS
And then?

HERACLES
Observe the torch-race started, and when all

The multitude is shouting "Let them go,"
Let yourself go.

DIONYSUS
Go! whither?

HERACLES
To the ground.

DIONYSUS
And lose, forsooth, two envelopes of brain.

I'll not try that.
HERACLES

Which will you try?
DIONYSUS

The way
You went yourself.

HERACLES
A parlous voyage that,

For first you'll come to an enormous lake
Of fathomless depth.

DIONYSUS
And how am I to cross?

HERACLES
An ancient mariner will row you over

In a wee boat, so big. The fare's two obols.
DIONYSUS

Fie! The power two obols have, the whole world through!
How came they thither!

HERACLES
Theseus took them down.

And next you'll see great snakes and savage monsters
In tens of thousands.

DIONYSUS
You needn't try to scare me,

I'm going to go.
HERACLES

Then weltering seas of filth
And ever-rippling dung: and plunged therein,

Whoso has wronged the stranger here on earth,
Or robbed his boylove of the promised pay,

Or swinged his mother, or profanely smitten
His father's check, or sworn an oath forsworn,

Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.
DIONYSUS

There too, perdie, should he be plunged, whoe'er
Has danced the sword-dance of Cinesias.

HERACLES
And next the breath of flutes will float around you,

And glorioussunshine, such as ours, you'll see,
And myrtle groves, and happy bands who clap

Their hands in triumph, men and women too.
DIONYSUS

And who are they?
HERACLES

The happy mystic bands,
XANTHIAS

And I'm the donkey in the mystery show.
But I'll not stand it, not one instant longer.

HERACLES
Who'll tell you everything you want to know.

You'll find them dwelling close beside the road
You are going to travel, just at Pluto's gate.

And fare thee well, my brother.
DIONYSUS

And to you Good cheer.
(Exit HERACLES.)

Now sirrah, pick you up the traps.
XANTHIAS

Before I've put them down?
DIONYSUS

And quickly too.
XANTHIAS

No, prithee, no: but hire a body, one
They're carrying out, on purpose for the trip.

DIONYSUS
If I can't find one?

XANTHIAS
Then I'll take them.

DIONYSUS
Good.

And see they are carrying out a body now.
Here a CORPSE, wrapped in its grave-clothes,

and lying on a bier, is carried across the stage.
Hallo! you there, you deadman, are you willing

To carry down our little traps to Hades?
CORPSE

What are they?
DIONYSUS

These.
CORPSE

Two drachmas for the job?
DIONYSUS

Nay, that's too much.
CORPSE

Out of the pathway, you!
DIONYSUS

Beshrew thee, stop: may-be we'll strike a bargain.
CORPSE

Pay me two drachmas, or it's no use talking.
DIONYSUS

One and a half.
CORPSE

I'd liefer live again I
XANTHIAS

How absolute the knave is! He be hanged!
I'll go myself.

DIONYSUS
You're the right sort, my man.

Now to the ferry.


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