DIONYSUS
He has gone and left us.
A
genial poet, by his friends much missed.
HERACLES
Gone where?
DIONYSUS
To join the
blessed in their banquets.
HERACLES
But what of Xenocles?
DIONYSUS
O he be hanged!
HERACLES
Pythangelus?
XANTHIAS
But never a word of me,
Not though my shoulder's chafed so terribly.
HERACLES But have you not a shoal of little songsters,
Tragedians by the
myriad, who can chatter
A furlong faster than Euripides?
DIONYSUS
Those be mere vintage-leavings, jabberers, choirs
Of swallow-broods, degraders of their art,
Who get one
chorus, and are seen no more,
The Muses' love once gained. But O, my friend,
Search where you will, you'll never find a true
Creative
genius, uttering
startling things.
HERACLES
Creative? how do you mean?
Who'll dare some novel venturesome conceit,
"Air, Zeus's chamber," or "Time's foot," or this,
"'Twas not my mind that swore: my tongue committed
A little perjury on its own account."
HERACLES
You like that style?
DIONYSUS
Like it? I dote upon it.
HERACLES
I vow its ribald
nonsense, and you know it.
DIONYSUS
"Rule not my mind": you've got a house to mind.
HERACLES
Really and truly though 'tis paltry stuff.
DIONYSUS
Teach me to dine!
XANTHIAS
But never a word of me.
DIONYSUS
But tell me truly-'twas for this I came
Dressed up to mimic you-what friends received
And entertained you when you went below
To bring back Cerberus, in case I need them.
And tell me too the havens, fountains, shops,
Roads, resting-places, stews, refreshment-rooms,
Towns, lodgings, hostesses, with whom were found
The fewest bugs.
XANTHIAS
But never a word of me.
HERACLES
You are really game to go?
DIONYSUS
O drop that, can't you?
And tell me this: of all the roads you know
Which is the quickest way to get to Hades?
I want one not too warm, nor yet too cold.
HERACLES
Which shall I tell you first? which shall it be?
There's one by rope and bench: you
launch away
And-hang yourself.
DIONYSUS
No thank you: that's too stifling.
HERACLES
Then there's a track, a short and
beaten cut,
By pestle and mortar.
DIONYSUS
Hemlock, do you mean?
HERACLES
Just so.
DIONYSUS
No, that's too deathly cold a way;
You have hardly started ere your shins get numbed.
HERACLES
Well, would you like a steep and swift descent?
DIONYSUS
Aye, that's the style: my walking powers are small.
HERACLES
Go down to the Cerameicus.
DIONYSUS
And do what?
HERACLES
Climb to the tower's top pinnacle-
DIONYSUS
And then?
HERACLES
Observe the torch-race started, and when all
The
multitude is shouting "Let them go,"
Let yourself go.
DIONYSUS
Go! whither?
HERACLES
To the ground.
DIONYSUS
And lose, forsooth, two envelopes of brain.
I'll not try that.
HERACLES
Which will you try?
DIONYSUS
The way
You went yourself.
HERACLES
A parlous
voyage that,
For first you'll come to an
enormous lake
Of fathomless depth.
DIONYSUS
And how am I to cross?
HERACLES
An ancient
mariner will row you over
In a wee boat, so big. The fare's two obols.
DIONYSUS
Fie! The power two obols have, the whole world through!
How came they thither!
HERACLES
Theseus took them down.
And next you'll see great snakes and
savage monsters
In tens of thousands.
DIONYSUS
You needn't try to scare me,
I'm going to go.
HERACLES
Then weltering seas of filth
And ever-rippling dung: and plunged therein,
Whoso has wronged the stranger here on earth,
Or robbed his boylove of the promised pay,
Or swinged his mother, or profanely smitten
His father's check, or sworn an oath forsworn,
Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.
DIONYSUS
There too, perdie, should he be plunged, whoe'er
Has danced the sword-dance of Cinesias.
HERACLES
And next the
breath of flutes will float around you,
And
glorioussunshine, such as ours, you'll see,
And
myrtle groves, and happy bands who clap
Their hands in
triumph, men and women too.
DIONYSUS
And who are they?
HERACLES
The happy
mystic bands,
XANTHIAS
And I'm the
donkey in the
mystery show.
But I'll not stand it, not one
instant longer.
HERACLES
Who'll tell you everything you want to know.
You'll find them
dwelling close beside the road
You are going to travel, just at Pluto's gate.
And fare thee well, my brother.
DIONYSUS
And to you Good cheer.
(Exit HERACLES.)
Now sirrah, pick you up the traps.
XANTHIAS
Before I've put them down?
DIONYSUS
And quickly too.
XANTHIAS
No, prithee, no: but hire a body, one
They're carrying out, on purpose for the trip.
DIONYSUS
If I can't find one?
XANTHIAS
Then I'll take them.
DIONYSUS
Good.
And see they are carrying out a body now.
Here a CORPSE, wrapped in its grave-clothes,
and lying on a bier, is carried across the stage.
Hallo! you there, you deadman, are you willing
To carry down our little traps to Hades?
CORPSE
What are they?
DIONYSUS
These.
CORPSE
Two drachmas for the job?
DIONYSUS
Nay, that's too much.
CORPSE
Out of the
pathway, you!
DIONYSUS
Beshrew thee, stop: may-be we'll strike a bargain.
CORPSE
Pay me two drachmas, or it's no use talking.
DIONYSUS
One and a half.
CORPSE
I'd liefer live again I
XANTHIAS
How
absolute the knave is! He be hanged!
I'll go myself.
DIONYSUS
You're the right sort, my man.
Now to the ferry.